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Show fid you buy a used countrv? 3(DONGARRETT .. ,er announced ffd new hope for Stalks which re-" re-" week, not only in liSt 1 ndochina, but .igSil in terms of getting some TV time away from the Democrats. He said the communists had shown promise of a new approach. His optimism was based on agreements reached in a secret White House meeting attended by the President, Dr. Kissinger and North Vietnam's J - ace negotiator Hoo Dat Gv Mr. President," Dr. Kissinger sway-D" This is who?" "Very good, sir," Henry ap-Plauded. ap-Plauded. "You remembered about the surname coming first." "I've been to China, you know the President said smugly. "I believe he does know. Tell him about our desire for peace." We have a great desire for Peace, Nixon began. "Its amazing how you do that, ' Hoo whispered to Kissinger. "Your lips hardly move at all when he talks." " And when this Administration Ad-ministration took office, there were over 500,000. . . " "Mr. President," Henry interrupted, in-terrupted, "this gentleman is a special envoy. "He's what?" "No," Henry corrected, "not Wut, Hoo." "He's who?" "Right, and he has a new offer from whoever is in charge now that Ho Chi Minh is dead." "Ho Chi Minh is dead?" the President exclaimed in surprise. "Yes sir. I'm sure you remember remem-ber it. It was in all the papers." "Excuse me," Hoo interrupted. in-terrupted. "Do you think I could make my offer?" "Of course," said the President. Presi-dent. "Never let it be said I passed up a chance for peace. When this Administration took. . . " Hoo ignored him. "Look, you've been spending a good $30 billion a year on South Vietnam, right?" "Right." "Not to mention the casualties and prisoners?" "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't." "We're offering to save you time and money," Hoo continued, con-tinued, "We'll sell you the country for $15 billion." ' "Sell us the country! No! It's too callous! Too sneaky! Too much money! Throw in Cambodia Cam-bodia and I'll consider it." "Twenty-five billion for both of them." "Done!" Nixon declared. "But wait a minute. Where can I got that kind of money?" "You could hold a telethon," Hoo suggested. "We could get Reagan and Murphy," Henry enthused. "I could show the slides I took of China," Nixon offered. "Your Roy Wilkins could do his impersonation of a Negro," Hoo put in. "Watch it," Nixon said sternly. Then he brightened again. "Listen, as long as we're doing business here, I've got an island I can let you have cheap. Taiwan; it's yours for $5 billion. One owner. Driven by a kindly old dictator who only used it to make speeches on Sunday. Quemoy and Matsu come as standard equipment." "But what would we do with an island full of Chinose?" "Make radios. Take-out food. 1 don't care. Is it a deal?" "Well, all right." lloo agreed hesitantly. "Wonderful. No need to pay now. Just send your check to the Republican National Convention, care of ITT." "Then it is decided," said lloo, rising to go. "My government will be in touch." "Henry," said the President after lloo had gone. "You've just seen the noble free enterprise system at its best." "Yes, Mr. President." "Oh, and get me President Thieu on the phone." "Of course. You want to tell him about the great strides for peace we've made today?" "Peace, shmeace. 1 want to get some tips from him on how to run an election." I |