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Show OPINIONS EDITOR'S NOTE: Since most of what is written by weekly editors, finds its way no further than the subscribers of that particular paper, we liks to pass on to our readers that which stands out from other editors. "The Book of Dick" was stolen by Norm Fuellenbach's "Reaper RatRace" who stole it from Art Hoppe in a San Francisco newspaper. news-paper. We are glad to steal it from Norm, so that sub-cribers sub-cribers of the News may enjoy It also. "Red" THE BOOK OF DICK And , lo, it came to pass that there was a man in the land whose name was Dick; and that man was perfect and upright, and one who had faith in all tilings righteous. And there were born unto him two daughters. His substance sub-stance also was three million dollars, two Air Force Ones, a score of helicopters, a flock of limousines, three ' great white houses, and a very great household; so that tills man was the greatest of all the men of the west. So blessed was he that the people conferred onto him a Mandate. Yet, despite his fame and wealth and power, he remained a humble man, eating only the curds of cheese and the essence of the tomato. And each day he openly offered up within the hearing of one and all his faith in all things righteous. And one day , a messenger came unto Dick, and said, seven of thy servants have been arrested for burglary in the towers of the Watergate. And Dick hid his shame and bespoke his faith, saying, I have faith in the righteousness of my servants and, yea, in the righteousness of The Grand Old Party we serve. But, lo, it came to pass that his servants were arrested one by one, or forced to flee his household. And the curse of inflation was visited upon the land. Again, Dick bespoke his faith, saying unto the people, I have faith in our glorious Free Enterprise System, for, yea, it is as sound as a dollar. And, 16, the bottom fell out of the dollar. And in the days that followed, a plague of newsmen swarmed like the locusts of the field about his three white houses; and behold gossip and rumors broke out upon his image like painful boils. Yet again did he bespeak his faith, saying, I have faith in our wonderful system of justice; ' and , verily, I shall give unto the Judge nine tapes so that , all may know my innocence. But when the messenger came to carry tapes unto the Judge, two had never been and one had been destroyed in part to hid its contents from the eyes of men. Even those who worshipped The Grand Old Party turned aside when Dick passed among them and gave him no comfort. And Dick yet bespoke his faith, saying , I have faith in the righteousness of the people; I shall go among them speaking speak-ing with candor; yea, I shall show unto them the taxes I paid, for I have faith in the righteousness of the tax collectors; and, verily, I am no crook. , - And, lo, it came to pass that the tax collectors accused him of deceit and prepared to take away his substance. And the people, hearing this, waxed wrathful and took from him his Mandate. His friends, Ab-plan-alp and Re-bo-zo, conspired to seize his white houses at San Clemente and Key Biscayne for monies owed; and the leaders of the people prepared to drive him from his white house in Washington. Then Dick called unto him the wisest of his servants, saying, Why am I, the most righteous and faithful of men, so sorely tried? Bil-ly advised him, saying, The Lord giveth, and the Lord hath taken away; Speak thee unto the Lord. . So Dick went unto the top of a mountain to the Camp of David and spake unto the Lord, saying, I am the most humble and righteous of men; Why me, O Lord, why me? And, lo, the heavens parted and a voice of thunder was heard, saying, Dick, there's just something about you that tees me off. |