| Show i It Seems To Me MeBy Meny By ny Joseph B II n. Roberts JJ J V AVA AV i mi 11 1 J Letter to the House H use w on bicycle transportation COPYRIGHT 1977 Contemporary Features Syndicate Inc An open letter to the House o of Representatives US U.S. Congress Dear Representatives Congratulations on your amendment to the energy bill that authorizes a year one-year stud study of the energy conservation potential of bicycle transportation tran tran- determined determined determined deter deter- Obviously you are mined to leave no stone unturned unturned unturned un un- un- un turned in your search for ways to save energy Not since the federal study of the aerodynamics of frisbees has a study of such import been proposed You are admirable in your willingness to suffer the whips and scorns of your constituents what do they know to provide unlimited funds for the study and and authorize the Department of Transportation affectionately known as DOT to conduct it Even if DOT can cando cando cando do the study for less than 1 million as supporters claim there will be some penny- penny pinching taxpayers who will object I have good news for you however I have just completed a study of bicycle transportation transPortation transportation tran tran- and am willing to render a full report to you for a paltry my expenses and a little something for my time I realize money means nothing to you people in in Washington unless its it's your money of course and 1 7 apologize for bringing it up I wouldn't have except there is another election year just around the corner gosh they come up fast dont don't they With those pesky constituents Y yammering JEm fI about taxes x all the e time time you just it dV ri i t tand and show the th home folks how you saved pretty near I 1 can assure you my study will be just as productive as the theone theone theone one done by DOT If you prefer Ill I'll even write my report in bureaucratic gobbledygook so nobody but the experts can understand it That will cost an extra for paper and typing however Listen Im I'm no big talker with nothing to back it up To prove I know my stuff I will pass along alonga a few facts about bike riding I have discovered You may want to form a committee to study them 1 Contrary to what some Congressmen may believe bicycles do not have motors on them The standard types are operated by what us researchers researchers researchers chers call pedal power photographs and drawings willbe will willbe willbe be included in my report 2 The energy needed for pedal power is called human energy Some bikers have ha ve a lot lotmore lotmore lotmore more more of it than others It dep depends upon their physical condition and how anxious they are to get somewhere 3 The amount of energy required to propel a bike a certain distance depends primarily upon the terrain over which it travels ie i.e. it takes less energy to pedal a bike downhill than it does to do so uphill and paved surfaces are more efficient than unpaved plowed fields are no good atall atall at atall all 4 The reliability of bicycle transportation is limited to the distance a biker can travel within a certain length of time It depends upon a bikers biker's stamina how fast he can pedal road and traffic conditions and when he has to get there I have determined for example that a 3 middle-aged middle slightly overweight overweight overweight over over- weight professor should not rely upon bike transportation if he lives over three blocks from his office and cant can't get started Before when he has an class lass There are other even more startling facts to be be learned learned from rom my study stud but I believe I Inave have nave gi ve u nough gh to prove my ny fi rop a check in n the mail mall and I will send you the he complete report as soon as I Iam Iam am im back on my feet again its it's nothing lothing serious just a case of acute charley horses I certainly certainly should be up and around by y Christmas |
