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Show HAWK-EYETEMS It is noticed that seal-skin softens all complexions. A young lady's cooking club has been organized at Albany, Georgia. The snowflakes, according to the New York News, ask, "whither are we drifting?" The rage for cheap jewelry continues unabated. Mary Anderson has just bought a $5,000 diamond. A great many young men regard Santa Claus as a fraud, because he don't part his hair in the middle. Three widows want the postofice [post office?] at Mahony City, Pennsylvania. Of course the prettiest one will get it. Arizona has recently had a legal hanging, and the Boston Globe thinks it shows symptoms of civilization. Of a miserly man somebody wrote: "His head gave way, but his hand never did. His brain softened, but his heart couldn't." In 1830 all gentlemen in Washington smoked corncob pipes and plantation tobacco, while only the diplomatic corps smoked cigars, according to a writer in the Atlantic Monthly. The Rochester Express man has been experimenting, and gives notice that "cider has now attained that stage of fermentation when it can no longer be looked upon with safety as a vermifuge by total abstainers." The English journals declare that the credit of the United States is as good in Europe as that of any nation in the world. That explains why so many American rush over to Europe every summer. Good! If the credit holds out until the bridge is finished, we'll try it some day. The mince pie for the season of 1880-1881 contains fewer raisins than those of last winter, but more bits of leather and nerve fibre. The leather accessories may be chewed for hours after the rest of the pie is gone, thus affording a safe and healthful substitute for chewing tobacco and gum. Only a few months ago the people of Ireland were wailing and calling upon heaven to pity them, and the rest of us to give them something to eat, because they had no harvest to gather. Now they have abundant harvests and are howling and shooting? Shouting? If anybody attempts to gather them. We presume these unhappy people probably know what they want; certainly nobody else can guess at it. Among the curiosities of the census in St. Louis is the discovered fact of the existence there of a man whose name is Adam, who was married to a woman named Eve. The two were married in Chicago on the same day, and went from there to St. Louis together - an act which the Chicago papers call being [unreadable, crease of paper] of Paradise, and which [unreadable, crease of paper]. The Lockport Journal tells this [unreadable, crease of paper]. It was dinner time in a select boarding house when the new boarder arrived. He was a venerable-looking gentleman, with silver hair, and his face beamed with a sweet repose, betokening a pure and holy life. As he joined the table the landlady said, "Would you ask a blessing, sir?" The venerable stranger shouted, "You'll have to talk louder, marm, I'm so d-d deaf." A gleam of reason is returning to bric-a-brac lovers. Some of them put the frightfully daubed plates on the table instead of suspending them on the wall. Now, if it doesn't become the fashion to hang painted wash tubs and coal scuttles on the parlor walls, sensible women can take their children when they visit their "aesthetic" neighbors without having the little ones frightened almost to death. - Norristown Herald. The Railroad Switch - The engineer's wife threw down her sewing and impatiently hastened into the backyard to settle a noisy dispute among the children. She selected Jack as the offender and uncoupling her slipper with a quick movement she ran master Jack on a siding, and began to mark him. "Bad order" without regarding his signals and pitoons? Howls. By this time Bob, the guilty one, having ran on to the secure turn table of the back fence, so that he could run off in either direction, screamed out, "Let up mother; shut her off I tell you! You've got and the wrong car and you'll run by with the right one if you ain't lively!" The mother coupled up and tried to make a flying switch on the culprit but he got out on the main line, blocked the section against her and was running wild for the first siding long before the switch engine could get out of the yards. SEE HER BEFORE BREAKFAST. An old fogy exchange, talking about the slatternly home life of our society girls, advises the young men of to-day "to see the girl he is courting, before breakfast." Why, bless your stupid old soul, they all do. See her before breakfast? Hours before. Some of the boys never think of starting home until they smell liver and bacon climbing up the hall stairs like a south wind blowing over a bank of violets, stealing and giving odor. But the mess of them say, with a fine sense of sarcasm, "good-night" about three o'clock in the morning. This gives the girl four hours or more in which to get ready for breakfast and if she can't fix herself up in that time, she is a slow coach. "See her before breakfast," indeed. Did you suppose the boys went away before nine o'clock? DON'T BUTT TOO SOON. Don't be over-confident, young man. Don't carry your pet hobby too far. Take note of the shoulders and legs of a man before you sass him. Out here on the West Hall there is a goat that for three long years has butted everything and everybody the broad empire of Burlington could send against him. He ate the circus posters before the paste was dry, and when the advance agent remonstrated, the goat just stood up and crowded the rash man clear through the bill stand. He once upset a hay wagon; jammed his head through end of a wood shed and Battoned? Buttoned? Officer Hoofer up against a brick house. And one day last week he wandered down into a saw mill and butted the fly-wheel. Only once. When he came down his neck was bent. He couldn't make a dent in a sack of meal, now. Young man, be content with reasonable victories. Some day you, too, may run against a fly-wheel. |