OCR Text |
Show Apt Funning To please his father, orator Wendell Wen-dell Fhillips attended Harvard law school. After receiving his degree, he hung out his shingle, but no clients were attracted. Several months passed and still his office was empty. In disgust, Phillips decided de-cided to quit and enter a more lucrative lu-crative profession. "Don't be ridiculous," advised a friend. "Stick to it and you'll get ahead. You were bred to the bar." "Maybe so," sighed Phillips, "but the bar Isn't bread for me." ENl'FF IS ENUFF -""- John Clerk, one of the most pugnacious pug-nacious of lawyers, once had a brush with the House of Lords. It seems that he preserved the old-fashioned old-fashioned "enow," whereas his younger brethren said "enough" (enuff). Retaining this old usage while presenting his argument, he was interrupted by the Lord Chancellor Chan-cellor saying, "Mr. Clerk. In England Eng-land we sound the 'ough' as 'uff.' Enuff not 'enow.'" "Very well, my Lord," continued the very self-possessed advocate, "of this we have had enuff; and I now proceed to the subdivision of the land in dispute. It was apportioned appor-tioned Into what in England would be pluffland, a pluffland being as much land as a pluffman can pluff In a day." The Lord Chancellor could not withstand the apt riposte and burst into laughter, saying, "Proceed, Mr. Clerk, I know enow of Scotch to understand un-derstand your argument." The Easy Way A great marksman was passing through a small town, and everywhere every-where he saw evidences of amazing amaz-ing shooting. On trees, on falls, on fences, and on barns were numberless number-less bulls' eyes with the bullet holes in the exact center. He asked to meet the one responsible for this great marksmanship. The man turned out to be the town Idiot. "This is the most wonderful marksmanship I have ever seen," he exclaimed. "How in the world do you do it?" "Easy," replied the simpleton. "I shoot first and draw the circles afterward." Matter of Choice "I don't know whether to marry 8 woman 10 years older than myself, or 10 years younger." "It all depends on whether you want to be mothered or smothered." "TWO-PLATOON" A reporter boarded the train carrying car-rying the Notre Dame team to the Southern Methodist game. Looking Look-ing for a new slant on a story, he said to the student manager, "I understand that you carry a chaplain chap-lain to pray for the team." "That's right." "Would you mind introducing me to him?" "Be glad to. Which one do you want, the offensive chaplain or the defensive?" Safety Precaution "Would you love your husband U he had only one eye?" "Why, no how horrible!" "Then let me carry that umbrella:" |