Show FABLES IN SLANG Den Syndicate By G GEORGE EO R G E A ADE DE l L p Le L r 1 I 1 r i. i 9 1 p G i t. t v IA ci c I i Benny Made Some Sketches BECOMING BEACH- BEACH BROKEN T IS truly said that here In dear dearold dearold IT old Columbia the Jim aim of ot the Ocean Opportunity knocks once at eyer every mans man's Door and everything everything everything every every- thing turns out great after that unless unless unless un un- un- un less the Poor Rummy happens to be beIn beIn In fn the back part of ot the House at nt the time lime Certain It is that If you will grab I and ind strip almost any Great E Executive live tive seated at a Mahogany Desk Desk I you ou find on his Person the lingering Evidence of Stone-Bruises Stone Cal Cal- louses Do Dog g Bites Chig- Chig jers ers and Immediate contact with a Strap having a a Buckle at at one end In n other Words the Important Personages Per- Per who sit In elevated Splendor Splendor Splendor dor and rule the World by Phone from ornery Kids living In small Towns Most of ot them started ou out t with a Village Curse on them and what was supposed to be a Handicap turned out to be the Boost The various arlous Forms assumed me e d by a little country Tadpole ber before noe It becomes becomes be be- e- e comes omes the majestic City Bull Frog have bae excited the Interest of ot M Many ny who write for a Living but Howells and never told the Half of Dr It I Ever Every self-made self Rufus puts on a Drama as as he moves moes In Spectacular I Fashion from the Spring Wagon to the Royce Rolls-Royce and It Is only fair fall I to add that usually the Comedy Interest Interest Interest In In- terest predominates All of ot this Blah Blab leads lends up to a Consideration of ot the Case of Ben Flicker who started from Nowhere and can now distinguish between real Russian Caviar Calar and the kind that Is blasted away from Sturgeon found round In Chesapeake Bay HE FINDS HIMSELF THINKING If you could have taken a peek leek f eek at little Benny trotting along the Board Sidewalks of Bascom Center durIng fluting the Sleeve Puff Period and sized up his Sandy Lo Looks Locks ks the honest honest honest hon hon- est Freckles and the Ostrich Neck yo you would have said Here Is A ALad aLad aLad Lad who will go on and Q an on working for Two Dollars a Day until at last he be will have Money enough to p permit permit per per- r- r mit mt him to Join the Odd F Follows That would have been a 11 reasonable reasonable reason reason- able Horoscope and that th-at Is how It started to work out Benny completed completed completed com com- his Education when he could spell most of ot the Long Words In the Back Part of the Sixth Reader Render and went to work In the only Factory which had dared to open up In Bascom Bas Bas- Bascom com corn Center Ho He bought a n pair of 01 Overalls and proceeded to get them themas as ns soiled as possible and for several Years was Just one of the Hands Along about the time that Ice Cream began to be used In Soda Water he ho scrubbed bed himself all over one Morning and got a Close Shave and went out and got Married The Young Lady Lary who took the Long Iong Chance was called Tessie that beIng beIng beIng be be- Ing her her Reel Name and her Parents would have been all rl right ht If Ma had halt known how to keep House and Pa had not been a Bar Benny bought a n House from the Building and Loan Association You rou know about the other Ben nen flying th tube the Kite and Newton beIn being hit lilt by the Apple and Watt getting interested In a Tea Kettle Well one day It happened that Benny was tinkering with some of the Machin Machin- Machinery ery cry and the Bean happened to be working and It occurred to him that If the large Dingus coming cOining up UI under undera a Cog Action could be thrown Into a lateral by substituting an Automatic Approach for the hand-controlled hand r. r Lever ver the Capacity I would be doubled and the Labor of One Man 1 would be saved saed THE DISGUSTINGLY RICH Benny made s some me Sl Sketches etches and sent them In and got ot a Patent and and- built a small Model l and began Pro Pro- at the rear of a Blacksmith shop In order to insure future Success SUt Sue Suc cess he took Pains to make his Start even eyen more humble and Inconspicuous ous than that of ot B Henry Ford Of course the Sequel Is just ashard as ashard ashard hard to guess as the Plot rIot of a Movie ovle It turned out that Factories Factories Factories Fac Fac- tories In various parts of 01 the World wanted to use the Invention and In order to do so tb they y had to pay Benn Benny so much per Day per Machine which as a scheme for getting collateral collateral col col- col- col lateral has bas an Edge on all of the theother theother theother other standard Grafts such as Bootlegging Bootlegging Bootlegging Boot Boot- legging Beauty Doctoring or getting real Money for Pop All the People In the Universe began be- be began began be be- gan throwing Coarse Money at nt Benny and Tessie and every time they took In another the quaint q old Birthplace began to smell worse to them They had so much of the Needful that they were disgustingly disgustingly dis dis- Rich and the G Going was wasso so easy that B Benny had practically no n Business Hours so they suddenly realized to their Horror that they belonged to that disreputable Section Sec See tion of Society k known own as the Idle Rich So they began using a lot of ot Perfumery and subscribed fo for Magazines Maga Maga- telling about the ol ot the night-blooming night Spenders i They knew that they would have to toll follow w Precedents r and get In n with the Gang They had two Youngsters and TessIe had the natural natural nat nat- ural Inclinations of ot a Mother and shuddered at the Idea of turning them over to Hired Help but what what whai could she do Likewise ylse Benny was wasa a kind of ot an old old-fas old fashioned Rube Husband and he was saddened by bythe bythe the Thought ought that he would have havo to a avoid void being too friendly with the Wife or else It would cause Talk They saw a Hard Life Ut ahead of them But they could not resist the Inevitable Urge to move up to Headquarters Headquarters Head Head- q quarters arters and pull pul the Loud Noise So the two Prairie Chickens ChIckens' got ready to be a a. couple of ot Golden Ph Pheasants ACTING LIKE THE BEST PEOPLE Next we discover Elizabeth beth nee Tessie trying to Coue Cue herself Into the Belief that she enjoyed blowing Smoke through the Nose r-ose and letting the World know what Nature hat had done for tor her below the Knees She SheI I no longer attempted to keep Tab on Benjamin They occupied separate Apartments with a Long Walk In between Benjamin Flicker soon to be known In the Public Prints as B B. B Sturtevant Flicker had Joined aBridge aBridge a n Bridge Club where he was Meal Mea Ticket for a n lot of Boys who wore Tortoise-Shell Tortoise Glasses and Spa Spats l land and had seen Better Days One Reason Reason Rea son for his his punk Playing was that that tha he ho had to smoke Cigars which made madu him dizzy H had He-had had been brought up upon upon upon on Lottie Lotte Lees and ho be l bad no Chance with a n Super Corona Corona but he was a game Bird and took his Pun Pun- In the meantime the Offspring were staked out at a select Private School which was laboriously trainIng training train train- Ing them to be ashamed of ot their uncouth uncouth uncouth un un- couth par parentage Those of you who study the Rotogravure Rotogravure Roto Roto- gravure Section and have seen the Snap Shot of ot Mr and Mr Mrs B B. B Sturtevant Sturtevant Sturtevant Flicker and th their lr Imp ImpecunIous ous Guests on the Beach Some Some- In whore wh rc- rc n will be Interested to know that they now have Pairs of White Shoes 11 H Wardrobe Trunks a n G Gold Cocktail Shaker n and d Neurasthenia The Tile smart little r. r Luncheons staged by Tessie are highly spoken o of by hy all those who ho hoare are partial t to Free Food and any Caddy on the East Coast will tell teU you ou that Benny can play any Club in in his Bag except the Woods and the Irons MORAL The Income Tutee Taxes are too High nigh I. I |