| Show g EZ AB BUNKER KER Amateur Confidence Ma Man 9 By ELLIS ELLIS PARKER BUTLER Author of Pigs Is Pigs c mac c I Jo Working 2 Working E I South t t. t 1916 by 7 the Pre PreM ee Corporation ABLY ARLY one muggy summer morning Grandpa Jabez Jabe eARLY I I Bunker and his wife dear dea old Ma Bunker Dunker descended a flight of ot stairs in a board board- house se in ill West lest Fifty eighth Street I Iw w I York rk City and tapped on the th JI r of t the apartment known in New hev ew r rJ boardIng house parla parlance ce as th the on and floor front In his hand Gran Gran- GranI I Bunker carried a pocket map o oI of I city unfolded while Grandma Grandm carried a small pamphlet with wit Bellow e irow paper cover on which were words Tio he Complete Confessions of the i ig of Grafters Full Exposition o of ot Methods of ot the Most Famous Con Con- mca Men Price 25 35 Cents maybo they're up yet R Jez ez said Grandma Bunker in he her tic voice Ive heard tell how Nov se New York folks dont don't start to tc tor rias r k ns as early as some I I It Its It's goin onto 5 S o'clock Row now said sale under placidly I r reckon the they're e iby bbl now Time they was vas If it they US And he rapped more violently ide the Ida the room there was the sound I jome e one getting out of ot bed rather rather m ily Bare feet patt pattered red on the thea ther r nd a voice still husky with D said aId there ther It 1 me said aid Mr Bunker What's the matter Is the house 0 asked the voice which was waso i tasked I o of Special Officer Hess one of the I ormed ned guardians of ot one of the rt railway stations of New New York 1 1 Why no said Bald Mr Ir Bunker Ito I ill illI I to ask you about a map slap I lv Ive I've ve ere 10 I Cams a us Julius Augustus US Caesars Caesar's J std cried Mr Hess And you got out of bed in the middle of of the I to words could it ht to- to Evidently express what he be thought nought All 1 at im Lt Now that Im I'm up I II might asS as r S fj ay up irp W Watt lt tm till rt s sOm JUi it II r. r Bunker turned his placid baby- baby face lace toward his wife wile His com comp compSon comdon Son non was white pinky-white and his faced face round d and eM plump as that th t of a a. well- well ant and his hig general innocent oce t stile appearance was increased by hoad Load quite bald and somehow and somehow i t decreased by his large steel steel- moo med spectacles or dr by the little li Ite tuft of whisker chin-whisker that flapped ci down as ho talk talked d. d His ills little twinkled with innocent mer- mer nt and Mrs hunker Bunker had been beau in 3 York for j just st about eighteen ra rs ten of which they had s sj S1 in inand p and already Mr Bunke Bunked was er to begin the job of ot grafter graner bun- bun and confidence man to enin en en- ln in which he had left let a but a few Jew days before It need c fly be said sald that he be was an entirely hand nd at the prote profession sion he had hadLen sen seD Len For many years years' he had been beener armor mer er buying an occasional gold gold s k or or wad of green goods as Ity ty offered but not until he had p ened ned upon the book Grandma leer iker now hold held in her hand had it ed to him to become a bunco- bunco tar ter himself Upon reading tho the SJ c however he ho had bad become coned coned con- con ed that steering bunco-steering was an anand annd method of ot earna earn- earn and nd respectable a j living and being and being told by the theer leer er of that New ew ew York was Rome home of the Easy Mark Mark Mark-ho ho had Iome e. e 3 Already he had some slight Jess ess' ess in taking money away from and fland Mrs Hess Mr Hesss Hess's sister the dining room maid and these j r mere fledgling attempts I to test jW wings w gs He was no r rca ready d Y to tr try y logger bigger bigger things as s but a few minutes minutes until OID- OID less ulless opened the door Vell Ve 1 I what's the trou trouble dOEr lo he a asked ked lile e an Ma sort o 0 got to sa ga glover over this mornin after we wo got said Mr Bunker with his cher- cher 8 smile ne and both on us felt see- see I LB s Im I'm m goin gom to b beg bej in tho bunco- bunco business some smart while Id I'd Idt Lt t to know something about the It ut of ot this town I dont don't know fOU you ou feel about it it lt Mr Hess but buts buti i s like as If it a con man in New J ought to know about abou the tho layout Le e town so BO as he wouldn't get lost l be streets goin to an e com comic comin 1 I his work Fact is bo ho said I Ig g ing to Officer Hess I r cant can't make for or tail out of ot this map I been 11 at it for an hour and I cant can't out where Wall Nall Street is is uve ve got it upside down for one one i said Officer Hess hunker aDker turned the map the other side up His eyes twinkled with delight There Thero Ma he exclaimed I told tole you some thin was wrong I been lookIn lookIn look look- In up here for Wall Nall Street he explained explained explained ex ex- to Officer Hess the Bronx said Officer Hess Now do you know where orthis on or this map you are right now I r haven't the slightest mite of an at idee said said Mr Bunker placidly Youre here said Officer Hess placing his finger on the map And Ant here is the financial district district district-awa away away down here Its It's a long way Heres Here's second Forty-second Street heres here's Thirty Thirty- fourth heres here's Twenty-third Twenty heres here's Fourteenth heres here's Canal Street heres here's the City Hall and heres here's Wall Val Street Mr Bunker sighed He lie shook hi his head Its a long way Ma like liko he says he said Seems like it was most most too toc much of a jump jump for tor me to make right at once dont don't it I did sort of ot feel from what Banker Danker Higgins Higgins Higgins' out to told me that down there in inWall inWall Wall Nall Street where so many suckers was would be about the best place to work at my business but I dont don't know Seems like a powerful Jump from here I r want you jou to do no thin you didn't think was f for r the best Jabez said the dear old lady No said Jabez No o o I reckon you'd feel more satisfied and like ble-like Ma if I started in nearer home and worked south sort of grad grad- ual I got lots of time and I guess Wall Street aint amt goin goh to run short of ot ot's s 's suckers awhile yet rot Mr Hess whereabouts whereabouts whereabouts where where- around here would you say was wasa a good place to start in in Mr Hess who had di dressed essed in a temporary temporary temporary tem tem- and sketchy manner hitched lone one suspender over a shoulder and laid his hand on Mr 11 Bunkers Bunker's shoulder shoulder der firmly He fixed him with his eye and spoke in a stern and authoritative authoritative tone Nowhere he said aid Just as s soon on onas as I get my my clothes on and a a bite bIte bIte- of food good in me it is g going ing to be back back- ba k to to the tho prairies for you I I told you you that yesterday I told you when I sent you up here to my sisters sister's boarding boardinghouse boardinghouse boardinghouse house that you'd gd back to Iowa Io a ato to- to day to-day and back you go It was was easy enough for you to take in two or three thieo dames here at the boarding house when i I had sent you here and you nt end abused I m El e but t these slick New Yorkers are arc a different different different dif dif- dif dif- ferent proposition Honest they'd eat an inn innocent ent old guy like you alive a and not know they'd swallowed you You I Inot wo wouldn't last a minute Mr Bunker was Silent d ilent His lace face f fell lI He Ho looked like likel a big na good baby that has had its feelings I hurt and Is on the verge of tears Im giving gibing it to you ou straight said Mr Hess ruthlessly Ill cut out all tho the part about me me being a deputy sherlie sheriff sheriff sher sher- iff lie and special officer and my duty I In sending grafters out of of tO town V when I spot them because as a a. grafter II III you sou arc are nix understand nix understand Youre You're a cheap joke as a bunco man You go I and pack your suit cases and Ill I'll see I that no one ta takes es them a away way from y you u before you get set on the train I Grandma Bunker Dunker was wiping her eyes with her handkerchief and Jabez looked like a child being led to the woodshed to b be whipped It was was touching touching to see how even in this time of f trouble Grandma Bunker put out outher outher her der hand and touched the arm of her ber husband comfortingly Without a word they turned away and mounted to their own rooms Two hours later Officer Hess still sleepy from his early awakening awakening awak awak- ening led them from the house and entered with them the car that would carry them to the railway station where his Ws duties lay In person verson he I saw them aboard the Westward bound train and watched until it pulled out I of ot tho the station Then he went back to his duties in the huge waiting room i protecting Innocent innocenti 3 i farmer folk olk against the wiles of wicked New York I At the first stop after the train left I Ithe the station Jabez Bunker Dunker his face i cherubically sweet and happy assisted assist assist- i ed Grandma Bunker Dunker from the train I and Ind seated himself on a bench to a await wait the tho next train back to New York With a glance that was but little short of f adoration Grandma Bunker Dunker seated herself beside him and patted his hand land hand I Well Pa she said proudly when I that hat sees us back again I reckon hell he'll think hes he's stung to death runt he You see that Grandma Bunker was already picking up odd scraps of ot the United States language as spoken in New Jew YorkI York I r reckon hell he'll be a mite surprised surprised sur sur- agreed Jabez Jabe I r do hope he ho be bc offended He lIe seemed sort of sot of on bavin Navin us go back to Come tome on mother here hero comos comes a trainor train for tor or New York I As soon as ho lie had seated sealed his wife I in a the car they entered Mr Bunker Dunker stood toed and looked up and down the Isle aisle with gentle pleasure showing inin In hia in il twinkling eyes I r dare say he said cheerfully I 1 dare say Ma theres there's a right smart lot o 0 people on this train all ripe an ready to pick A man that means business businESS business busi busi- ness hadn't ought to waste no opportunity opportunity opportunity I take it If It you'll just reach over and open up that suit case and hand me one of ot them two gold bricks I fixed up I reckon Ill I'll walk through this train and see how ho business is Mrs Bunker bent over the suit case Her face tace turned red with the exertion Land o 0 goodness she exclaimed Im gettin that fat it most kills me meto meto meto to bend down l Jf If you could heft the case onto the seat Jabez Jabez i Well Nell maybe you might as well not bother said Mr 1 Bunker I dont don't know as I ought to to sell them gold goldbricks goldbricks goldbricks bricks before I touch em up a bit with gold paint I r sort o o 0 feel teel like it it I would be a man to sell him a agold agold agold gold brick as worn shop-worn lookin as them are e. e Ill I'll just mosey through the train and take a look around Maybe I might get some feller teller interested in that three-card three monte monty game or get him bettin on a shell game or Yep I got my walnut shells here in j l f which was that of a prosperous business business busi busi- bUSi 1 ness man He care carefully tully cultivated a large waist and nd looked at himself every morning to see that his face had I lost none of ot its well-fed well rosy plump plump- ness You would have said he was a solid well-groomed well stock broker with an inclination toward Belmont Park or wherever ponies were running Mr Broadway Jimmie Simms on theother the theother theother other hand had the thoughtful slightly slight slight- ly worried look of an importer of ot German German German Ger Ger- man noodles In war time He was talland tall talland talland and slim and dressed as suited a man who sp spent nt much time in an office You would woul have sworn he did spend his time in an office sometimes missing missing missing miss miss- ing a lunch when the cares of busness business business busi bus ness were heavy As a matter of fact I lie he was seldom In any office and neverin never neverin in to the importing district His favorite favorite favor favor- ite out hang-out was Broadway anywhere re renear near Fort second Forty second Street Another wad of easy money he queried of Dude Bailey out of the corI corner corner corner cor cor- I ner of his mouth I Nothing doing Jim said Mr Bailey positively No side lines while were we're working the regular graft That's what gets a man Into trouble Nothing Nothing Noth Noth- i ing g doing fir Mr lr Bunker look looked up beamingly i I J I i A I iW I h I I i I c I J t Y forgotten more about the shell r W t I I game than t an Mr Bunker would ever learn leafs in In If his whole life 1 fI i ri p j I I my pocket You dont don't mind bean left alono alone awhile Ma la It No ho J Jabea 1 i she s said f r l Id favor f V a va nap U it if UI I could manago manage one one And Mr 11 Bunker fast t taking kIng a po pokes poker er deck deek from his wife's reticule strolled down down the car and into the next I. I lo look look- k- k iii ing from face fa e to face with his little blue bIu eyes cres beaming good will to every one Five minutes later he was seated inan in inan inan an otherwise otherwise vacant seat three carsto cars carsto carsto to the tile rear of Grandma Bunker On the arm of the seat ho had placed two half walnut shells and he held a third half haIr in his hand and a small rubber ball tho the size of a pea between his right light thumb and right forefinger His spectacles were pushed back on his fore forehead ead From om time to time he made madea a pass at tho the two walnut shells hells with the shell and ball In n his right hand baud changing the location of the shells and leaving the third on the seat-arm seat with the other two Almost without exception exception exception ex ex- the little rubber pea fell to the floor of the car Once It rolled under the opposite in which two fine looking New Yorkers were seated and Mr Mt Bunker got down on his h hands and knees and p pawed wed under the seat until he ho found t the c pea begging the pardon of the two men as he disturbed their feet As soon as he found the rubber l pea ea he returned to his seat and began hi his manipulations ons again his brow creased by the intensity of his efforts and his plump face dripping dripping dripping drip drip- ping perspiration By Dy hickey h he exclaimed exclaimed finally I looking up at the men across the aisle and beaming upon them I 1 got It that I time I been this trick the longest time I r warrant neither of you gentlemen can tell which shell the little be bo under No deceit gentlemen the hand is quicker than the eye that's all and Whoopee and whoopee he cried as the little ball fell on the floor again Missed her r that time The two men across the table looked at each each- other and smiled It may maybe be beas beas as well to say here that they had forgotten forgotten torI for tor- I gotten more about the shell shen game than Mr Bunker Dunker would ever learn in his whole lIfe lite It would be an exaggeration tion to sa say they were tho the inventors of the shell game but it is not too much to say that many thousands of innocent American citizens had bad at various county fairs and other gatherings gatherings gather gather- ings logs first seen the tho little rubber pea under udder the auspices of ot Broadway Jimmie Jimmie Jimmie Jim Jim- mie or of Dude Bailey Of at late years things had been coming their way and they did not bother with the shells but il it was no wonder they smiled at atthe atthe the clumsy efforts of Mr Bunkers Bunker's chubby clumsy fingers Mr suggests sug sug- Dude Bailey as his |
