Salt Lake Telegram | 1916-12-03 | Page 14 | Putting 'Em over with "Bugs" Baer

PUTTING E 1 OVER With th Bugs Bugs Baer Copyright 1916 by the Press Pul- Pul lishing Co I I I 1 T was very I f 1 annoying at atthe I o the ls Navy Army IT game The football foot foot- ball players keep interrupting the conversation Billy L Is an awful queer fighter I He figh rights fights ts I The football season is ov r and and the I gridiron heroes will be able to get Into I their hats again What t game should a golfer play for his health Unless Sam Langford and Sam McVey fight tight soon again din they ma may forget theold the theold old DId steps It would make Yale Tale and Harvard sore if Oregon Oreon and Ohio universities played I for r the Eastern championship P h But Yale and Harvard Har play pIa for the Vest Western ern championship championship cham chain every season Harvard 1 paper says they ought to give Brown credit They don t have to give credit lt to Brown BrowD Those birds ta take e it I Wh Why doesn't Jess Tess Willard fight a af f lighter fighter and save Fred Pied Fulton for dessert Great stuff coaching a f football team It lt is the only game where you can finish Cincinnati style and still claim the championship Yale Tale plays plas Harvard for Browns Brown's the U. U E E. is a republic except in Eastern football then its it's an absolute monarchy 30 a peasant nt hasn't got a chance to wear a football crown that that salve they hand band handout out is great stuff they used to sell r that t Junk in means c but now they e speak it The Tie management of ot the Madison Square Garden Intends 3 to put on fights and other races I A wrestler will wilt gram another grappler grappler grap- grap pier by the ears eara and try to give him hima I a boat ride without any boat He will massage his Adams Adam's apple until his neck will be thin enough to lo toI I thread a needle with Next he will willI grab him b by the toe and chin and I pull his face toward Palm Beach while he sends his toes on a journey to Nova Scotia If Jf this doesn't cure him he bangs his skull on the turf while the police rush in and add up the result with a a. spon sponge sponge- e- e AND CHAUNCEY DEPEW V SAYS SATS THERE IK JR NO REASON WHY WIlY A MAN LIVE TO BE YEARS OLD A fi fighter will endeavor to knock a perfectly good out from between his ears by slapping slapping- him on the tooth Next he parries hi his chin with mth a rough elbow and Jabs his thumb in his eye piece If It this doesn't eliminate the other guys guy's future from I the tournament he considers that he I has wasted a whole winter And If Jf I he gets him properly pummelled to a a. pup pulp he Iet lets him linger mercifully instead of ending his pain with a kick in the ear ear ear- ANT AND CHAUNCEY DEPEW SAYS THERE IS NO REASON WHY A MAN SHOULDN'T LICE JICE TO BE AN UNRIPE UNRIPE UN UN- RIPE OLD AGE I A football player will cleat his way ay ayup up an opponents opponent's face run over his skull and then gallop down his spine all for the price of one admission If the umpire isn't looking he will boot one of the other side for a goal from froma a difficult angle and then look as contented as a cat who has just absorbed absorbed ab ab- ab a sparrow He will linger on his face and bend his head bead around until he e to have his IS hair haircut haircut wJ n ie nga ISh af cut by a a. dentist And when e h he Js is passing a away s spasmodically d lY he will fm es lYa give him three e cheers and a tiger tiger tiger- AND CHAUNCEY DEPEW SAYS SATS THERE I SNO REASON WHY A MAN SHOULDN'T LIVE TO BE YEARS TEARS OLD A good base runner is expected ed to lo hit the dirt fr bf A good golfer sr aint Harvard might have a a. successful season season season sea sea- son next year by cancelling her games with football teams and only meeting Yale and Princeton Dont Don't be a crumb crumb Columbia has a first team this year simply because you cant can't start counting at two They shouldn't restrict dummies to tackling practice They should bring em emIn emIn emin In the classroom where they would feel I at home Six day races will again as-aln be ie a a. feature I at Madison Square Squar Garden this winter I Dont Don't say we didn't warn you ou Making the al all America ca eleven cleven doesn't get you anything As an asset it ite Is e about as useful as a whip socket In an automobile Coach Thum Although Although badly I rippled crippled above the ears the Yal Yale eleven will strive to crumple Harvard up to to- to morrow orrow m On a dry field we expect to add some more football glory to old New NewHaven's NewHaven's NewHaven's I Havens Haven's collection May l the best team win We Ve have the best team I Coach Bump Bump We We will be seriously handicapped by the presence of most of our regulars but we hope to win Yale Tale I has a good team but we have a better etter May the better team win I Coach Percent Percent Although Although Yale Tale has the I II I heavier line on n a dry field I think the I crowd should exceed Captain Dollars Our Dollars Our star fullback has I been barred by the faculty Fortunately I for old Harvard the faculty cant can't barany bar barany I any s spectators s. s We expect a gate of ot at l fe least east t ts i J I Coach Mercenary All Mercenary All of our ticket sellers have been drilled in secret practice practice tice for months We Ve will put the j best team of turnstile men on the field that ever represented old Harvard Hope we have a nice day for it I suspect a crowd of some senators but the rest paid admissions Captain Grabbit We Grabbit-We We have a lot Jot of trick plays including two tens n for a fl five W m i Fumbling of tickets which Ic marked the thelast h l last ast game has been eradicated from the tournament On our showing against Junk and Limp universities the crowd should be about and a few l A college football player is a game ame guy ir if if anybody is to have his ears knocked down he accepts the nomination when w en he gets seventeen molars and his slapped out he doesn't de demand denand de- de I de-I i mand nand a recount when eleven corn com fed gridiron assassins are promenading on his chest cheat he doesn't admit that he is inthe in inthe I the minority he never quits because there aint no Qs in a football dictionary I you must admire him for hi his gameness gameness gameness game- game ness from the shoulders down clown the only I way you can hurt a college football player is to ask him his salar salary ANSWERS TO Knutt Cant Can Cant Can't tell you Marquard's batting batting batting bat bat- ting average That's getting too per per- Flipp Every Flipp-Every Every player who goes to training training train train- ing camp doesn't require a round trip ticket Jabber Jabber No No such thing as refined wres wres- Bugg You Bugg-You Ton win George Washington was our first president Eloon The The Harvard ends caught Pollard Pollard Pol Pol- Pol- Pol lard like a fork catches soup Sapper You Sapper Tou win A sardine is a fish Flivver FlIvver Divide Divide the money There are areno areno areno no admirals in the army Simp You Simp-You Tou dont don't have to look in the minor league for minor leaguers You You win Canaries are vege vege- Junko Dont Don't Don't Dont be a crumb Pay your bet Wilson Vilson won If IC you dont don't believe it H see If Hughes Hug can make you ou a postmaster postmaster postmaster post post- master anywhere