| Show FAKERS FAKER'S CROWN BELONGS I. I 1 n i TO THE TOWN OF EL PASO PAS I The There e Trained Telepathic Tellers Evolve an Endless Weird I S Procession of Palpitating Events With Marvelous Villa as the Grand Marshal 1 By Br The Tho 81 Special 01 N. N Neav NEW YORK Dec Dee 2 2 Time has ha but I added garlands rids to El Paso queen city of f In tn whose temple of ot wondrous wondrous won won- drous imaginings in the sacred name of News t the 1 trained telepathic telle tellers s with swat wat a and d swing on the keys leys of sparkling slashing typewriters typewriters- evolve an endless weird procession of palpitating events great events great guests of ot tense intelligence o of battles swift in direct roar and thunder of murder lust and robbery and intrigue and and then some the some the like bike of which would mage the wildest n mooch miserably off oft a a. screen It Is true that now and then San Antonio or Douglas or Columbus dr cr r Yera Vera Cruz essay to win a wreath or two with t tales les of Mexican frightfulness calculated to raise hair fair on a bald man but as against Re the ever swelling e g crescendo crescendo cre cre- of El Pasos Paso's ceaseless symphony symphony sym sym- p phony oo these towns but squeak 1 aboard Tl The invasion there of a board of I accuracy would involve a lynching ora or ora a 0 shooting bee M Marvelous Villa Oh you ou u Villa la whose many lives dues a cat would envy how wonderfully the thel El l 1 Paso telepathists trace you ou and your bandit horde from place to place how marvelously you flash about accomplishing accomplishing accomplishing ac ac- distances over trackless wastes and mountain trails with footsore footsore foot foot- sore men and half 1 starved nags that a aa E European p army couldn't come n within imon I ay jey a a hundred h un re miles s of f equaling with motor motor mo mo- mo-I mo tor cars and aeroplanes aeroplanes' I II I Only once Pancho were OU able to escape their magic watchful eyes only once were they stalled for your where where- Remember The night you iOU swooped across the border and actually took lives in Columbus N. N M. M That night the Spanish Chino for tor those who tell em cm a aard yard ard wide and anda a mile long were N. N G. G But never otherwise have they failed It isn't clubby to drag facts to bear upon so gorgeous an industry of the purely creative as that maintained bythe by bythe the he bord border r word wizards at El Paso And yet yet yet- El Paso Nov ov 13 Villa Villa is marching upon Parral The Carranza garrison has evacuated Nov 9 All AIl All foreign residents fleeing from Chihuahua Villa nearing and about to attack San Antonio Nov Villa Villa has taken aga All in the same day and so many miles apart And yet yet yet- San Antonio Nov 10 Jiminez two hundred miles away from either of theother the theother theother other unfortunate citadels has fallen the while that very same night Chihuahua Chi Chi- facing Villas Villa's thousand men is s evacuated by General Trevino in deadly fear it is to be supposed because be because because be- be cause he only had a force torce of men But But But-ah ah Scrapping and Trapping Nov 11 Why Why Pancho is scrapping with General Murgia l at Parral and has been heen eert driven from from- there there- and Santa Ro ROo salia salla and poor Pancho is sandwiched between Murgia and Parral and Trevino Tre Tre- vino at Chihuahua and Pershing might as as well come home because those two general boys are going to close In and crush Villa Into a guava jelly Still Still El Paso Nov 15 Whatever Whatever the deuce became of ot that recapture of Parral by Murgia l anyway Heres Here's Villa in full possession of the town making a speech from a balcony inthe In Inthe Inthe the town plaza and calling Americans White Chinese and murdering a bunch of them And hes he's going to toI slaughter all the Chinese and and and- I El EI Paso Nov 16 What 16 What a flea this Villa demon Is Is' Is Hes He's way way south of Parral to Join forces with Zapata and in a few days appear at Mexico City and give Carranza a terrible application application application ap ap- of what's what But ButEl ButEl ButEl But But- El Paso Nov 17 Theodore 17 Theodore Hoe- Hoe muller a German merchant of ot Parral displayed a screed against Villa In hi his store window appended by eighteen sets of ears Vil Villa ordered cut from captive C Carranza a soldiers and Vita Villa last seen miles mlles away with Zapata is in n town ordering killed Nov 18 It would appear ap ap- pear Is but buta a hors merely whetting g Villas Villa's appetite appetite for murder Hes He's killed six Americans all the German German German Ger Ger- man residents also the Chinese He- He crews and Arabs Some varied banquet banquet banquet ban ban- of blood Nov 21 It If If that tha tha thaman man Villa hasn't turned up and captured Jiminez allover all over again An aged American has bas I been robbed murdered and his body thrown up upon a mft fire of lazing blazing logs soi so i in inthe inthe inthe i the street Three Thrle weeks of thrills for the public from El Paso Pao And then then then- Remorseless Was Washington ington Government dispatch from Washington Washing Washing- ton officially states there were never any battles at Jiminez Parral or Chihuahua Chihuahua Chihuahua Chi Chi- no murders no robb robberies rles no no- no Did you ever know of such an old oM crab as the government What's the use of interfering with Americas America's most prolific output of thrilling fiction Viva Villa Viva El Paso Viva them together together even even even if on April 17 El Paso Pao positively killed d Pancho and talked with a Carranza colonel who had seen his dead body and been privileged to look upon his hidden the grave grave the hidden gr grave grave ve of of- of Nov 23 Pancho Villa leading his men in person person person per per- son attacked Chihuahua today with men June San 7 7 San Antonio butts in Villa marching toward United States border with big for force e. e It must have stubbed its toe somewhere en route Sure enough said El Paso November 10 backing up its little playmate strenuously Villa is on the way to the border with men is going to attack attack attack at at- tack the whole United States Why you ou boobs said Mexico City Why already done it and has chased President President President dent Wilson into Canada Well Welt hardly because El Bl pallo finds i all all' him on July 11 massacring f soldiers in Jiminez andin afew a a few days he is going to have Parral and Chihuahua Chihuahua Chi CM- aj at his well known brand of ot mercEl mercy merc mEl El Paso Paso July 12 desert- desert Ing Hes He's brol broke e. e y El Paso July 13 Villa Villa has Just re received received received re- re secretly over the border 1000 rounds of ammunition for which he has paid In gold July 15 15 At At the head of a big army Just outside Chihuahua Chihuahua and and Invisible one July 17 Master Master of northern Mexico July 21 Dying Dying with only a poor remnant of followers In a cave in mountain Has Nervous Prostration Mere ere an amazing thing happens El ElP ElPaso ElPaso P Paso so gets brain fag fas For nearly two weeks weeks weeks' El EI Paso Sept 2 Villa ViUla Villia with 1000 men at Sala Sala miles mUes south of Chi Chi- El Paso Sept 5 Villa Villa at Santa Clara Clarn forty miles north of Chihuahua Railroads barred Sept l 15 Villa Villa robbed United States mall mail pay truck near Colonia Dublan of ot American gold intended in intended intended in- in tended for Pershing's men P. P S.- S. S. S Except that he El Paso Sept 18 Villa Villa is hundreds of miles to the south south south-at at Torreon which he has captured and filled his I followers' followers pockets with gold and silver bullion guaranteeing them pulque forthe for forthe forthe the rest of the their r lives Except hang it Investigation disclosed that the mines had been abandoned for some sometime sometime time and all those who had anything to do with the gold and silver bullion bumon had seen t to it that none was was lying Y about El Paso Sept 10 Villa Villa is at the gates of ot Chihuahua again the wonderful wonderful won won- det man man with six hundred d of his magly followers about to walk over heavy artillery and capture that garrison garrison garrison gar gar- rison of ot Sept 22 Hes He's He's Hes away burning the homes and families of miners who refuse re refuse refuse re- re fuse to enlist In his regiments Sept 23 Back Back at Chihuahua Buk Brownsville inn n B Sept 23 ot I Not at all I Back in Chi Chihuahua Has captured it with l 1000 oC men n II Vh What t actually brain fag again 1 I El Paso Oct 7 Has 7 Has seized the I Hearst ranch In Sonora San Antonio same date date lIes date lies He's In Chihuahua El Paso Oct 9 An An invasion of ot the United States by y Eight men robbed lobbed a drug store Oct 14 Villa conducts a modest massacre in Durango Oct 19 Another Another suc such suck small affair t a-t t San Andres The writer apologizes Overlooked something Oct Recaptured IS Recaptured Chihuahua What We Have And if it you please El Paso Pao what became of ot that downfall of ot Carranza you you know lenow the with 1 in gold to spend and their dicker with Villa to lead the big show he agreeing just as soon as he licked Carranza to take a submarine or something something something some some- thing to Cuba or 01 South America And we are am Iou anxious to hear of that big de defection defection defection de- de of Carranza generals to Felix Diaz that swaggering young chip of the old Diaz block And all an those starving people people wasn't It who It-who who went mad because they were driven to eat cactus Instead of drinking pulque a and d those Mexican officers who were going to exact an American life for every Mexican killed by the United States naval Invasion But no no- no apologies you apologies you didn't spring that El Paso That was Vera Cruz |
