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Show Successful Parenthood By Mrs. Catherine Conrad Edwards, Ed-wards, Associate Editor, Parents Par-ents Magazine. IT WAS HOT -in the kitchen when you baked that extra batch of cookies for Bobby to take on his gang's hike, but the hug he gave you and his, "Gee, Mom, real cookies, not store stuff!" was appreciation enough to make you forget the work and the heat. But how about the dress you sat . up until 2:00 a.m. to finish so Betty could wear it to her class picnic? Then the next morning when you were tired and in a somewhat self-pitying frame of mind, Betty's meager "That's neat, Mom, .. but isn't it a little short? I thought you measured it longer," almost had you in tears. Was the sacrifice of your night's rest unselfishness, or was it a do-or-die determination determina-tion to get a job off your chest, or was it, perhaps, an overweening desire to win your daughter's approval? Perhaps it was a little of all three but let's see how you can tell which predominated? predomin-ated? Did the time go so fast you scarcely noticed the lateness? Was every stitch a joy accompanied accom-panied by a picture of Betty in the crisp, new frock? Then genuine unselfishness prompted prompt-ed you making your child's pleasure your own. Did you get a real sense of satisfaction out of completing the dress? You'd set that date for finishing it and you made the time limit! One more job checked off is sometimes worth the loss of sleep that is, if you don't waste time regretting It the next day. Then determination was firob-ably firob-ably your motive power. But did you, just possibly resent every minute of those midnight hours? Did you grudgingly finish the dress for your daughter and then further resent her seeming lack of appreciation? If so, you may be one of those parents par-ents so unsure of your worth, so doubtful about your ability to be a good parent just as you are that you overdo the sacrifice deal. This is harmful, harm-ful, both to yourself and to the child for whom you deny yourself. It isn't actually the sacrifice that does the harm it's the begruding and the resentment that are poisons in your mind. This thing of trying to buy approval by virtuous acts you hold over the heads of others has always been the fake martyrdom everyone dislikes. Yet the person who practices it can never understand why he isn't appreciated! Of course parents, if they are as loving -and conscientious as good parents par-ents always are, sacrifice a great deal over the years for their children:-. But they do it gladly in the normal sense of assuming their responsibilities. responsibil-ities. They don't do it in the groveling sense of winning love thereby. This neurotic impulse to extensive ex-tensive self-sacrifice isn't apt to attack the healthy individual. individ-ual. Even so, it's a good idea whenever you get to feeling very much unappreciated to check your motives. If you see any signs of martyrdom try a little honest self-indulgence . for a change let the family eat store cookies for a week and read that novel you've been wanting to, or buy the material for the extra blouse you need and put it first on your sewing list. Above all if you do put others' wants above your own, don't do It grudgingly. |