Show BILL ME POINTERS d e A Shining light Spread on the Exposition SUNDRY THINGS TO BE AVOIDED In Banning a Show on the Wholesale Plan it Is Necessary to Hustle In a Manner Not American f FOR THE SUNDAY HERALD Copyrighted FoirriAAD Or April 21S3L DEAR MR socI Lave jnst been elected by a majority of the rotes countedassisted by the board of director secretory and superintendent superin-tendent of the Portland Industrial exposition iou will thus see I am to fill two offices at once Now it so happens that the office of superintendent holds the most and therefore needs the most filling The c rat trouble with me is what kind of filling to use in order to make it look pretty in its npholstired condition condi-tion without too much embonpoint In connection con-nection with nn exp lsitiun abiiperintendency is not a sinecure they say nor do I believe it is a mind cure Tho man who fills iu Im told pets acquainted with a lot of queer people and 6Omo grief I have file l everything from an aching void to tho portion of teacher in a might bohool where tho boys wire so bin I didnt dare to see uny of the jcirls home but as superintendent of a hip fair my personal experience ex-perience is hunted to working for lira prize in the fat hog annex of tho York State fair of liird r n 1 li A1tii I I s a I I II I i M e g i I THE ALGERIAN DANCES I As yon were in the purlieus of Paris during the exposition forming a largo section of the American exhibit and climbed M Eiffels tower while your salary was marching on it seems to me that you might give me a few pointers 1 am particularly anxious to draw a crowd at the main door and then get it inside and have some fnn with it if BO disposed I 1 would like to keep this up every day for a month giving the people time enough to sleep Sundays and rest so that they could start in fresh again Monday I tell you as a matter of fact V73 are to havo a great exposition hat I r want you to make it sure 6 h What do you think of introducing ballet Do you imagine that Punch and Judy can candidly can-didly bo considered a chestnut What are the drawing powers of Sam Jones and Sara Bernhard Bern-hard and Allcocks porous plaster relath ely speaking Do you think the Siamese Twins could bo restored with success or a galvanic battery What do you think of exSenator Blair of old New Hampshire in an oration of thirty days duration How would he compare with Dr Tanner on a fast for that period of time Could they hold the crowd or would we have to lock the people in Provided I battened down the hatches locked everything up and oiled the burglar alarms do you believe Jay Gould in the act of shearing coupons would draw a crowd or an inference What will remove re-move ink from the letter that never came from Henry Watterson to D B Hill Can you furnish me for framing a copy of tho law preventing pre-venting David B Hill from running for mayor of New York in addition to governor of and senator from the Empire State Can you send me for the art gallery a certified portrait of Annie Hooney deceased Should ensilage be cut often and if so in what quarter of the i moon should tho abridgment take place May 1 safely introduce into the restaurant of the exposition gumquats as a side dish Do you think it a good idea to fix special days such as press day dog days or would you leave it to your next almanac Do you think that the free coinage of silver will interfere with the counterfeiting industry if so in what respect Could 1 successfully cross the gold bag and the potato bug and use the resultant in the fat stock show If not why not Do you think John L Sullivan would be out of place in the chamber of horrors which I propose Introducing Introduc-ing in the exposition These are simply details but if you havo any general ideas upon the conduct of an exposition exposi-tion showing how it should be run I would like to have a few sacks of tho early variety Yours anxiously R W MITCHELL Secretary and Superintendent DEAlt ROBERT 1 am glad to know that you are to havo a great industrial exposition in Portland worthy of the wonderful country of which she is the metropolis How you came to be the superintendent and secretary I do not know The Oregonians are humor loving lov-ing people and like to put up jobs on their neighbors Possibly that has something some-thing to do with it You ask me how best to run the exposition ex-position and so i will try in as little space as possible to do so Having the Paris exposition still fresh in my memory mem-ory I feel like throwingont a few hints regarding the matter which 1 know will be valuable Expositions should have In the first i place a spinal column of worthy and valuable exhibits sort of hatrack if you please upon which to hang the popcorn pop-corn privileges and other features which I are of minor importance The exposition exposi-tion must not be a gigantic boxoffice with a slight annex of corn shellers and patent beehives People do not care togo to-go a great distance to witness recent methods of pulling candy or making lemonade without the aid of lemons We should not Mr Superintendent allow the commercial spirit to cast a gloom over nude art nor our American thrift to get a cinch on science at such a time The exposition in Paris was a great success because it was an entertainment and an education to see it not because it was a big county fair with opportunities oppor-tunities at every corner for the French peasant to test the strength of his lungs i warn you first of all as superintendent superintend-ent against the American commercial spirit which crops out at all times but especially in an exposition A sausage stuffing machine is one of the most beautiful beau-tiful sights from an utilitarian standpoint stand-point that i ever saw but it will not bring people from a distance You must have something of art and beauty and an element of the wonderful I would impress this upon you for taking the Paris exposition as a criterionand you could use it that way if you wished to Bo rthe crowd was ever packed about the strange the beautiful and the won derfcL America and her exhibit were chiefly patronized by those who nrt paid a salary to work her churns and wave her starry banner free r People who ride two miles behind a n mamma horse and young colt to a a Fourth of July orgy and hear a free oration ora-tion will stand a good deal of bombast d tarry banner business but when J a l a 4 = r tl s rys they pay an admission menu 1U1Lcmu they want to see or hear something that will remunerate them Those who went to Paris from Poland and witnessed our American baking powder and swollen notions of ourselves have doubtless forgotten for-gotten that part of it by this time but they will always remember the beautiful beauti-ful fountains with water in them and the pictures and statuary Africa had an exhibit that ought to put a big blush as wide as a Swiss sunset sun-set on the face of the great civilized republic re-public which does so much to send missionaries mis-sionaries to the Congo The diamond exhibit of that godless continent and the methods of working this somewhat expensive stone attracted more attention atten-tion in one day than all our oatmeal and atmospheric pressure I I am an American Mr Superintendent Superintend-ent and proud of the land which gave me birth after which it had a long spell of extreme mental depressionbut foreign for-eign nations will not put up a luncheon and come to see the Portland exposition unless you give them something instructive in-structive and unusual I I You ask about the ballet I am not the proper man for yon to put that question ques-tion to You know that I am prejudiced in favor of the ballet and so yon should not ask me that question But the exposition ex-position of 89 had as one feature the Algerian or stomach dance which was a very drawing card indeed It was an odd dance wildly barbaric and a trifle on the decomposed Delsarte order perhaps per-haps with a beautiful Algerian girl in it of the Lalla Rookh variety who 1 afterward learned was a native of the Rue de Foi Gras Many of the visitors went to see this dance several times and this Algerian girl practically owned the town and carried away with her figuratively figura-tively speaking to her desert home the cosmopolitan pelts of those who witnessed wit-nessed her strange and yet graceful gambols gam-bols A 2yearold colt that has just forsaken for-saken the home nest and made his glad debut on the clover studded lawn is not a circumstance to the gladness and grace of that performance You might think this over Punch and Judy would draw the English En-glish people It is a kind of humor that appeals to the English and yet it leaves the brain tissue unimpaired It is abroad a-broad yet pure humor which is prompt in its action on the English mind producing pro-ducing no dangerous relapse or secondary i symptoms Some kinds of humor are highly injurious to the British because they may recur to the mind at a future time when the victim is not prepared or still worse the point of the joke may break out suddenly on a future generation genera-tion and create much trouble You might spring a subtle piece of humor t nan n-an Englishman and produce no appreciable appre-ciable effect but think of his helpless grandchild on whom the humorous heritage her-itage might fall Punch and Judy will appeal to those who may not have seen anything to laugh at in Ethan Allen You might try it Sam Jones is a good drawer So Is I Sam Bernhardtin fact they are a pair of those But we will let that pass I Sam is a straightforward preacher cheerfully telling people what miserable misera-ble hounds they are and warning them to flee from the wrath to come at so much per warn He will not only bring thousands of curious people to your exposition ex-position but he will save quite a lot of souls at the same timer time-r Blair is not available He is going go-ing on a foreign mission Possibly he will go before this letter reaches you He heard of a foreign country yesterday evening that he had not tried yet You cannot expect him He is almost sure that he will go abroad and is only waiting wait-ing for a permit which may come at anytime any-time timeYou You speak of Mr Gould in a show window shearing coupons off his bonds as a feature I would favor that but you know perhaps that Mi Gould cannot can-not sit in a draft especially a sight draft as he has facial neuralgia or Tic Soo Do not depend upon him for I am sure he could not come us 1 SI yN i f rId r-Id II I IfI t i r l I I A AN AMERICAN EXHIBIT Your reference to Governor Hill is entirely en-tirely unworthy of the important offices he holds Governor Hill has no notion of becoming mayor of New York His other offices entirely engross his attention atten-tion He could not give the office of mayor of New York that degree of espionage es-pionage which it requires A man who is governor of a great state and senator also does not care to be mayor of New York or open expositions with a few desultory remarks Ensilage should be cut as early as possible Some use a teething ring for cutting their ensilage but I think it injures in-jures the gooms Gumquats are not popular in exposition restaurants generally gen-erally especially during the heated term What are gumquats anyhow Special days are not advisable unless you think it would be well to have special spe-cial days such as you suggest and feel certain would be successful In that case if you felt assured that it would be advisable to do so you might consider it a good plan to do so and in case of success you would of course bo glad that you did so An exciting thing and a feature that has always drawn enormous crowds everywhere that it has been tried is a discussion between two able men on vital questions like this for instance I Is the Tariff a Taxr So many people would like to get down off their dry goods boxes and make experiments with industry if they only knew whether the tariff was a tax or not As it is now values unsettled industries languish I resources remain undeveloped trade becomes be-comes atrophied commerce ceases and our shipping stands rotting at our docks If you could solve this great question of whether or not tho tariff is a tax the air would be full of men getting down I I T off the top of the rail fences ana tnera1 tie of closing jack knives would gladden the heart of every true American Men whose wives have been bringing in the wood ever since tho war would I am convinced take up the burden of life and some of them would turn the clothes wringer while their wives take in washing wash-ing if they could only know from some good earnest thinker whether or not the tariff is or is not a tator not It is so too about religion How many of us would take up the burden of life with true alacrity and true earnestness earnest-ness and praiseworthy zeal and eagerness eager-ness if we could know more regarding the existence and literary habits of a personal deviL How often I arise in the morning and inserting myself into a pair of shimmering trousers from which the glad sunlight is reflected in a thousand thou-sand different directions and would go gayly forth to renewed effort and amore a-more praiseworthy scuffle with sin if 1 knew whether or not the hosts of the opposition were or were not led by a personal deviL I would rather not speak of Mr Sullivan Sulli-van except in a nonpartisan way if you do not mind I criticised hisacting once and from the way ho acted the next time I saw him I judged that he hated to be criticised that way He wishes me to say however that he is not drinking any now and will elevate the stage again next season If yon could erect a sort of glass conservatory con-servatory or incubator and set an old political wheel horse on a recently discovered dis-covered mares nest I think it would give good results Did you ever try that I People would come for a long distance and pay good prices to see this 1 think Yours truly < 3 > |