Show A REMINISCENCE Smitten with the Fair Sex and tho Results For THE SUNDAY HERALD In our early boyhood when the genial Opio Read now of national fame was eating eat-ing free lunches and wearing threadbare garments intended for summer use in midwinter mid-winter owing to his Faber efforts being ota ot-a nonappreciative character in our home in southern Kentucky we were attending as one of the charter members a social club formed for the amusement of the young of both sexes and which met weekly at the residences of the different members As our memory goes back to he first meeting of the club in 1875 and we think of certain little events then of seemingly seem-ingly prime importance to our happiness through life we smile feebly only regret ing that fate decreed otherwise and has left us a sour old baldheaded specimen of humanity whom the fair ones will not even deign to encourage for fear we may chance to pop Question which means more than has ever been written for such a ques qes tion if properly acquiesced in may im peril the lives of the nigh contracting parties part-ies But to our text We were young and guileless as a friend of ours would say concerning himself when he had himsel a supercargo super-cargo of Anheuser which occurs periodically period-ically and bashful yes so much so that we sat once during entire entertainment with our best girl without uttering a word The first gathering of the club found us on time Our pate did not then as now resemble re-semble a skating rink but was well covered with flaxen locks inclined to curl after thofashion of the dudes mustache of the present day We came alone and were promptly fined by the president for noncompliance I non-compliance of the rules one of which expressly ex-pressly stated that all male members must escort somebody elses sister and to tell the truth we simply escorted ourself Thus the fino was just and we were publicly reprimanded Ve were in a dilemma our explanation that the girls were hardhearted creatures of flirting flirt-ing possibilities did not work so we were compelled to submit to the trying ordeal of being seated between two of tho ucliest anatomies ever wrapped up in the frills and rolls of feminine taste known in that dear old region We were silent not tonguetied or suffering with lockjaw from a medical standpoint hut the rich blushes of innocent youth shone so respondent re-spondent that for fully two hours we sat and perspired with an innate fear that the girls on each side would speak At tho end of two full hours of sixty minutes each seemingly a calendar year i measured meas-ured by our sufferings mentally our attention at-tention was diverted by a dear good boy who appreciated our sad condition and like a lamb to slaughter we were gently led to a vacant chair by the side of the loveliest little girl in sunny southland She was a perfect brunette black hair long and wavy coalblack eyes which spoke where old Websters choicest jawbreakers failed o carry the meaning implied and a perfect Venus in form We know her were children together our heartstrings had long been loosened in her direction and now sitting by this divine creaturewe wanted a worda something to start the ball rolling Her looks we see her now sho is the wife of another a darling girl her eyes playing merrily on our bashful physiognomlny and we oh where were we lost in admiration and silent as the Egyptian Spinhx Never noted for warbling warb-ling or even keeping step when walking with our chums our modesty was immensely im-mensely shocked and nerves so unstrung as to cause acute palpitation of our most vital oriran when we worn called on for a song Up to this period of the evening entertainment be it noted we were quiet not a stage whisper emanating from our throat At this particular juncture she spoke heaven bless her and then oh then we spokeour tongue worked with tho rapidity rapid-ity of a late Edison patent at work and when the time for departure for our several homes arrived we had the joyous pleasure of escorting her Think of ita boy filled to the brim with his first installment of love a girl ditto and swinging on his arm Picture ye young swains of present experience the conversationImagine the air castles built Ihe throbbing in unison of two hearts and last but not the least the long wellpointed and regulation kiss as we parted on that old veranda by the front door on that the most eventful night of our boyish life That sweet singer of love the dear old bard of Irish fame old Tom Moore in his best lines fell short in any of his love scones compared to this our entrance en-trance as a principal upon the sentimental stage Our dreams that night were most appropriate appro-priate and for months we fanned the flame and when leaving tho parental roof to seek our fortunes in the far west all arrangements ar-rangements had been made to perfect that dream but alas who can tell a womans fancy to day she loves tomorrow she hates but we must finish must tell it though to bring this little reminiscence to a close will cause us to shed tears not crocodile croco-dile ones but as large as the Pacific ocean or the Great Salt lake For months we wrote and letters sweetscented and brim full oE affection came daily A special pocket made in our waistcoat for the purpose pur-pose permitted those cherished epistles to rest very close to our Heart Our replies were lengthy our language passionato and pointed We believed in her but in a dark Hour one of the friends of our boyhood a boy as deep in intrigue as Aaron Burr when ho played sad havoc with poor Blennerhassett was getting in his flattery andit won As we whiled away our pedagogue ped-agogue hours trying to pump the Kings English into the thick skull and more muddled mud-dled brain of the Mexican our thoughts were wandering miles away and quickly passed the hours in tho school room A letter came one day and that day was the last day of the school term it brought joyous joy-ous news She was to visit the Alamo city and then we could wed there on the quiet that is without our parental relatives rela-tives knowledge We were elated and hastened a reply to which no answer came Waiting a week longer to allow any deficiency de-ficiency which occurs at stated times and mars Uncle Sams mail service considerably bly we mounted our pony to KO to the city question and enjoy again the sweet kiss and warm embrace of our fiancee But the best laid plans of men aud mice gang aft agloy and we evidently miscalculated for when we entered the mercantile establishment estab-lishment of a friend her relative by marriage mar-riage we heard that she had just married another and left that same morning for the east Now many would think our thoughts were on suicide and wo meditated the easiest easi-est route to his Satanic dominions Another An-other would say perhaps he attempted to drown his sorrow in an oldfash ioned drunk interspersed with Jamaica rum cocktails beer and mean whisky whilst still another may argue that the sad ending of such a long courtship court-ship may unsettle our brain We did nothing of the kind Wo heard the news not five minutes after arrival and were hungry so wo repaired to a good restaurant restau-rant and buried our sorrow in a gocd meal Exiicricntiamaoistra maximum est experience expe-rience is the best teacher was a motto we ronce remember seeing ttimes on the old classroom I class-room wall at college and at that time it vividly flashed across our mind She is now the wife of another and whilst she is a good loving wife we cannot help but gaze on the fair sex with some barking suspicion that they like to tear into shreds the loving beauts of their male admirers Since then we have lived in solitude and our second debut on the carpet de matrimonial is not as yet announced Our once curly locks fair t look upon have gradually loft their original ori-ginal home designed by the great architect of the universe and though young in years our looks are thoso of a broken hearted man made so by womans wiles FRITZ P SIf any sympathizing girl in Salt Lake wants to attempt to lead us astray again any communication sent in care of THE HERALD will roach us Enclose a postage stamp to insure reply State age looks and probable wealth F |