Show i t V I f Bleat of 1 The Th e Inno Innocent ent Bystander j i FE ING INGy y c.- c. Chauncey Chaunce did I you read about that electrical manikin dinner r speech In Chicago Chicago Chi Chi- Chicago cago the tho tho other night demanded demand demand- ed eel the tho Regular Fellow Some shock toh to toh h his 1 I s hearers I commented the Innocent By- By stander slander At least he electrified those who sat around a the groaning board prepared pre pre- par pared d to hear tho the time honored guff gutt after atter tho usual W Wo Wa have with us to tonight to- to night Apparently they expect a n. live wire orator Ho Imo was full tull of ot current cur cur- rent topics Incandescent c comedy medy brilliant brilliant bril bril- flashes of at wit and aud the they do say that Ills his phonographic records waxed eloquent What hat a relief It must have haye been boon from the time usual dinner after pe You know mow the tho kind I mean menn Hes He's the the cowering wretch who sits nt at the speakers speakers' speakers speakers' speak speak- er ers ers' table too worried to lists listen n tn t- ti tn un m merry rr chatter going on around him his Ids lips moving silently as he rehearses his hit speech and his thoughts disturbed b by the gentle gurgling of several al self self- made persons persona gargling s soup soup Ho He has a h headache from not eating fin and from twisting up his cerebellum trying to remember the particularly happy happ and Impromptu remarks which ho he hn has labo labored f ed over for tor days He Hc Is In a shower bath of ot cold eold Perspiration when call called d upon by br the toastmaster who never gets rattled and who rambles ram ram- bles hl's on un In the approved style until many of ot the diners have IU fallen Callen n asleep or are scuffling to their feet teet In an attempt attempt at at- tempt at a quiet getaway Having exhausted the English nna ena his hearers healers the toa toastmaster Introduces Mr Ir whose whoso reputation he has booted boosted to the skies sides or has shot to pieces depending on whether he Is of ot the flowery kingdom or the comic The unfortunate wretch staggers ers to I r 1 t his feet teet overturns a glass of or Tiffany water ho he has loft lort In his fear tear of muffling muffling- his exhaust and und com commences commences com com- to sputter in a clarion voice which can be heard at the tip of ot hi hla hie nose After Atter a a. few fow minutes of ot this cries of ot Louder help him collect himself him him- self solf with a vacuum cleaner the time toastmaster toastmaster toastmaster toast- toast master aiding the thc slaughter by breaking break ing lag ingIn In with sharp reproof which ch stampedes slam stam all the goats and the comeback c cIs Is on the sad tr tn to i i n n noises t tAfter After Alter a fow low rambles about not being a public speaker which ov everybody can cans s seo o without being tol told 1 h ho 3 Is reminded of ot a story of ot an Irishman Everybody else Is reminded of or the fact t that he promised to g get t home before midnight but he goes on and on afraid to let lot go gotor for tor fear tear they thoy will think he is 15 a n. quitter 1 n Finally ho he stops from sheer exhaustion and gets a hand for tor the only good thing he has has gotten off ocr that night Which Is what 1 asked the Regular Fellow Gentlemen I thank you you ou quoted the Innocent D Bystander |