OCR Text |
Show :) :-x:-x:::m:m::-k--m : . f Speaking of $ :': Strikes f .'. x .!. x V By RING LARDNER .j. v"X"X-x-:x-X"X-:"X"X"X"X-:' To the Editor: I made the remark the other day that 1 wished I was in some sort of a strike and the madam said well why don't you get into one and I said how can I strike when I haven't got no job answer me that which lor once she would not. Well, afterwards I got to thinking it over and finely I seen a way to get into the game that was by organizing a husbunds union and demanding a fair trial for the murried men. I talked it over with a couple other husbands whom I'm on friendly turns with them and we set down and figured fig-ured out a set of demands which ; will first be gave to other husbands , for their O. K. and then presenied to the wives in the shape of a ultimatum ul-timatum which If each and every demand de-mand is not granted the married men will walk out on thein the day before be-fore Xmas and leave them to explain to the kids why Santa didn't show up. The demands as maped out Is as follows: 1. A 20 hour Day and a 6 Day Week. Under the present system the husband hus-band is on the job the whole 24 hrs. of the whole 7 days and even while he is asleep he can't dream nothing that don't remind him of It The husband wants the hrs. between 8 and 12 every night for rest and recreation, rec-reation, and Sundays to themself for meditation and prayer some-wheres some-wheres away from the home. 2. The Closed Mouth. The way It is now yon don't know sooner get In the house when the owner wants to know where you was. The husband wants the right to not answer. 3. A Increase of at Least 50 Per Cent in Pocket Money. The owners is getting bigger allowances al-lowances than ever before but the husbands Is still supposed to go along on the old scale though It costs 3 and 6 times as much to mingle around and where a person used to be able to get paralyzed on $10 it now takes $25 and $30 to even feel like you wanted to hear the Rosary. 4. Collective Marketing. In rnre cases, the owner consults the husband as to what would he like for dinner but they generally always al-ways wait until just after breakfast when the bare mention of food stuffs rubs the fur the wrong way and even when a husband can remember 1 of his favorite dishes at that hr. in the morning and mentions it out loud why he has his trouble for his pains you might say, as the matter will either be forgotten and hushed up before nightfall or else they tried to get it but the man at the store advised them to pass It up as it was libel to be a little ranced at this time of yr. or something. In regards to Demand 4, while I don't like to drag in personalities however, I feel strained to say that I have been a .husband for better or worse than 8 yrs. and have never kept it a secret from the owner that my 2 favorite viands was oyster cream stew and doughnuts and yet during the entire Eight Years War the no. of messes of doughnuts in our home has hardly ran into double figures of 1 thumb. In the case of the doughnuts it is generally always broughteu up that lard Is too expensive expen-sive for lurdners or doughnuts don't set good on the kids or the owner don't know if Iola can make them or not and they don't seem to be no way of finding out and if you get them from the bakery you don't know what is in them though personly I don't give a darn as long ns they taste greasy and fill you up. As far as oysters Is consented t hoy's a version in the Psalms that says don't eat them only in months which is spelt with a r and though it goes vs. the grain for a man to speak of their wifes shortcomei'iirs suffices to say I hat they's many a nice girl (hat was horn a had speller and just as man that can't hear the looks of a calendar around the house so for all as they know oysters may be at their zenith in July instead oi vice versa. 5. The Abolition of the Birthday j The normal husband hits as many birthdays per annum as the owner : but where as the husband Is expected to remember the 10 of July or what ever it is and spend the equal of half a yrs. gold dues where as on the other oth-er hand the owner If they don't forget for-get the 6 of March entirely why they buy you a hook that until you have read It through you can set nrnond evenings und pare your finger nails That Is the demands as they will , I be presented to the owners as soon I us the husbands can get organized ' and I hofte. dear editor, that you re ( In sympathy with this movement und will urge all the husbands on your staff as those amongst your suhS'-nb ers to at once join the Amalgamated Married Men of America und put end to tiie humiliations to wi.ieh a member ot the servile see) becomes a patty to the minute they are drug up to the harmenial alter and if H wall; out is necessary op t,e ,ja.f chose which is Xmas eve rvhy I h-.pe the own.-ts will see the light and how lo the inevitable and not try .,nd continue in business will, jr..,',,,, 0 sea ! is. " " Iff u mr lit-U SynditiiO. Inc.) |