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Show -f I I I A Line o' Type or Two I 1 . ! Lord, what fools these mortals be! ' ( 4 f I By B. L. T. Little Bouers of Childhood. W.er. my wife was young To tell it is a shame-Instead shame-Instead of saying "acme," b.:e aiviava called t "acme " J. E. B. In early youth I was so dumb 1 I called asylum "az-l-lum." When of phygsciaus, too, I read, Wiic, 'fii:ikins" is what I sa.ul. 1.. I. S. T;io' young, I am a language purist: ; I've learned that ii is not futurist." 1 U S. B. Mr. Serviss, the poo astronomer, pooh-poohs pooh-poohs the prediction of the distinguished sciential. Professor Porta, that the aun will be messed up on December 17. with probably fatal results for our well-named globe. "1 will take a flyer myself," says Mr. Serviss, "and predict that December 17 will be one of the nicest winter days that tiie earth has known in a long time." Obviously Mr. Serviss is whistling to keep up his courage. We hope, of course, that his forecast will prove correct, but we set no store by it. Depending, la-stead, la-stead, on the prophecy of the dlsttixj"' guished Ann Arbor savant, we are setting set-ting our. house in order. Tn dealing with any condition that requires re-quires modification or correction, the American people are as direct as Euripides. Euripi-des. Their idea of reform is that which was suggested by Hamlet to his mother. Do ten citizens in a hundred drink more than they should, liquor is abolished, and everybody goes dry. Does a small percentage per-centage of the population, working in coal mines, ask for amelioration of Its condition, the mines are closed, and everybody ev-erybody freezes. And so wifch other things. Our motto is the greater good of the smaller number. A New England lady, an ardent prohj, confe-sses that she does misa brand led j peaches. But, as she ingeniously relates, ; she finds that by preserving peaches be- ; t ween layers of sugar and letting 'cm stand for a certain length of time, they taste almost n good as they used to when treated with the Iniquitous brandy, j Add Little Studies In Still Life.. j "And Hope Is Brightest . When It Dawns From Fears. V j Sir: "The Tderald and Examiner hopes most sincerely that the federal grand jury will prove to have been mistaken in Its charges against Senator Newberry." Newber-ry." Editorial. This earnest hope is doubtless shared by President Wilson and Mrs. Wilson, by the cabinet, the Democratic members of congress, and every Jeffcrsonlan down to the postmaster of Pepac, Ark. But (perish the thought!) suppose this sincere hope should be disappointed ? Suppose M r. Newberry be found not guiltless? Then behold a cloudburst of pent-up grief, sweeping over the land in one vast, resistless re-sistless flood, and drenching our fair commonwealth like an engulfing torrent gushing from the bowels of a frozen lemon. E. C. W. Empedoclos. (For children from 8 to VI.) Etna was a volcano hot As fresh as pease porridge in the pot. Empedocles looked in as cold As that jsamo porridge nine days old. Some say he only meant to skip To demonstrate his sportsmanship. "Pooh, pooh!" said he,' "this bowl's a thimble," And then jumped off, like Jack-be-nlble. Poor man! I bet he whooped a whoop, To land so quickly in the soup With which old Etna's .bowl was crammed. (It must have , burnt like Billy-be-damned.) Some say he wished to disappear (He may have been a bank cashier); And Etna in those days, you know, Was most as safe as Mexico. Well, anyway, he skipped' a few, But as lie hopped he cast a shoe, Which some reporter chanced to find. (That's how he left this tale behind.) PAN. . It is fortunate for those souls who are disturbed by the "fatalism" and "hedonism" "hedon-ism" of Swinburne's "Garden of Proserpine" Pros-erpine" that music cannot describe or represent, else they might be distressed by Tschaikowsky and other composers. Let them treat Swinburne as music only, and their misgivings will be dissipated. An Indiana Impurist. (From ' the ' Hazle ton News.) We had saved this column for a favorable favor-able report, but, owing to remarks like were made Tuesday night by Drake, we are sorry to say he drawed a blank. i The above in no way refers to Rev. j Shake, who is here, but, on the other hand, Bro. Shake has preached ably and sang splendidly. Racine's health board is there with the Christmas cheer. It predicts that dlph-i dlph-i theria will do much better this month than usual, and that measles and whooping whoop-ing cough "will regafn the foothold lost during the fall months." It then adds "the precautions required to bring about this result." Taking No Chances. Siri I believe I have found the absolute abso-lute zero in self-confidence. The restaurant res-taurant keeper in North Henderson, 111., closes bis place of business for an hour at mealtimes in order to go home to eat. While his wife was away for a visit he ate at the hotel. G. W. H. The prescience of the .framers of the Constitution bordered on second sight, yet they made no provision for the existing ex-isting state of affairs in Washington Who's Zoo. (From the Washington Post.) Mrs. John Lion of Baltimore has returned re-turned to her home after visiting Mrs. H. J. Baer. |