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Show IMAGINARY INTERVIEWS: ADOLF AND WILUELM ("The kaiser was a man who lacked any strength or po6r of resistance. But in me our enemies have found a man uho does not know the word 'capitulate'." 'capitu-late'." Herr HitlerJ Spirit of Wilhelm Ach! Can't you leave me out of this? Adolf What for? At a time like this I need you for contrast. Wilhelm Don't be too sure it's in your favor! It's not very nice of you to pan me in your speeches. What's the idea saying I lacked strength? I was just as tough as you so long as the going was good. Adolf I will always be tough ' whether it's good or bad. Wilhelm That's just what I used to say. Adolf I insist there is a big difference between your type and my type. Wilhelm I'll never argue with you on that. I concede it! Adolf After all, you ran away. I am incapable of that. Wilhelm How do you know? You haven't come to the test yet. If I were you I wouldn't boast so much. Adolf All Germans boast. Wilhelm But it seems strange to hear you dragging me into the picture. pic-ture. Why don't you let me rest in fcpeace? Adolf I can't rest in peace; why should anybody else? It's a sign of weakness to rest in peace. Wilhelm The last I heard of you you were going full speed ahead. You weren't even thinking about relative capacities for capitulation. What's happened? Adolf Nothing's happened . . . yet. I've got more territory than ever. I've made deeper advances than any German in all history. Do you understand what that means? Wilhelm If I don't nobody does. Adolf I've overrun a vast part of Europe. No German armies have performed such feats of arms. My victories . have been stupendous. Wilhelm True. And I understand under-stand just how nervous and worried wor-ried you must be at this point. Adolf I am not nervous or worried. Wilhelm Oh, come, Adolf, you can't stuff me. I was on top of the world, too, once. Adolf Never did you get as deep into as many countries as I have. Wilhelm That's why I appreciate what a. mess you're in. I went all to pieces on half your victories. Adolf You lacked nerve, firmness, firm-ness, strength. I have all these. Wilhelm I was as full of bluster as you until America came in. And look where I wound up. Adolf There's different stuff in me. Wilhelm It's the same stuff; only you slice it thicker. Adolf And don't mention America. Amer-ica. It is decadent, weak, pleasure loving and inept in arms. Wilhelm That's what I thought! Adolf I can never be defeated. defeat-ed. The German people have a destiny to rule the world. Defeat is out of the question. Wilhelm I wish you wouldn't steal my stuff. Adolf I'm not stealing; your stuff. Wilhelm Yes, you are. Everything Ev-erything you are now saying I said 25 years ago, yet I finished on a woodpile. Adolf They'll never get me on a woodpile. Wilhelm What odds are you giving? HITLER SPEAKS Oh, gaze at me and you 11 behold The essence of the extra bold; Some flaws in others you may see, But you will not find one in ME! That dreadful word lcapitulate Is one I loathe and also hate; The kaiser ran when in a fix But could I do it? Who? Me? Nix! To flee be sure I never will As did that warlord Kaiser Bill; He got this break when luck wore thin There was a place that LET HIM IN! . Elmer Twitchell swears that he went to a lunchroom where the waiter gave him a lump of sugar and asked him how little coffee he wanted with it. ... In California lettuce has been ruled a non-essential crop. If there is ever a lettuce shortage what will the average drugstore do for sandwiches? sand-wiches? Once upon a time all a parent had to do was to remember where his boy was fighting. l'ow he has to remember where the place is where he remembers his boy is fighting. We hope the post-war world will be so arranged as to dispose of the fellows who compose those jingles for the radio commercials. ... Wilbur Wood observe that France is so far the only country coun-try In the war that has been on both sides and also in the middle. |
