OCR Text |
Show Kathleen Norris Says: Liven Up the 'Dead' Forties A.. Bell SyndicMc-WNU Feature, J Little trips like this may well come to be the habit as well as the delight de-light of your lives. By KATHLEEN NORRIS rpO put the whole thing sim-JL sim-JL ply," writes a woman from Kansas City, "my husband is tired of me. In every possible way he shows it, and I am wearing wear-ing myself out wondering: why. I'm just the same as I always was, bur children and our home are just as pleasant, we have no money worries, in fact, the death of a wealthy aunt a year ago has given us a comfortable feeling that in the future we can do anything in reason for our boys and our girl. "For months now, however, Paul has been rude to me. Smiling in a superior way If I express an opinion, giving an exclamation of impatience if I ask him to hand me a book or close the door, sneering at my friends, yawning elaborately if 1 take him. to a picture, play or concert, con-cert, and openly expressing before the children, who are 12, 14 and 17, his contempt for 'Mother's notions.' " "Over and over again," the letter continues, "my eyes fill with tears, and I go about for hours with a hurt feeling in my heart. I know there isn't another woman, I know Paul would be horrified at the idea of a divorce, but his superior, scornful attitude is hard to bear. If I appeal to him he rises quietly and takes himself and his newspapers to some other room. "Have you any suggestions as to the curing of a man's bad manners? I will be 40 next year, the prospect of the years ahead is a very terrifying terri-fying one, with my companion a person who obviously is bored and impatient with every phase of my character and my interests. Paul has not kissed me for months. He has made me no more generous allowance because of his legacy. He says he wants to leave that intact because we 'may need it some day.' I never have been extravagant, extrav-agant, but of course I wpuld like the feeling that certain luxuries were now in reach. Once I hinted this, and was ungraciously asked what on earth I wanted now? ."We always have been considered consid-ered a devoted couple. Can you give me any reason why a man should change so completely, and like to hurt the person supposedly nearest to him?" My dear Josette, I say in answer, there really is a reason for this. and although it is not a very good one, it is potent in many a case beside your own. Paul has been a good steady man for all his 43 years. He has been self-respecting, responsible, admired. He has worked hard to succeed in profession, home, society. He has been priding himself him-self on sons and daughter, good wife, security, reputation. Now he realizes suddenly that the forties are not like the thirties. In the thirties a couple is still on the young side, children not out of the nursery, college days still close In memory, dancing and downtown parties still in tho picture. The forties change that. To his consternation Paul realizes that by George, the next thing is the fifties! He can't believe it. He'll be a grandfather first thing you know, and he'll still be tied to the same old Josette, with the little weaknesses weak-nesses and the tiresome traits he knows so well. 11, Ijtlll mrAkMm "Paul has been rude to me . . . ' BORED HUSBAND A man who has lived with his xoife and family for nearly 20 years reaches a saturation point at which he resents the rut into which he has fallen. Consciously or unconsciously he liarbors ill feeling against his loved ones. Miss Norris advises that it is a woman's task to inspire a zest for life within her husband hus-band when he reaches the doldrums of the forties. She can accomplish this by pervading per-vading enthusiasm for travel, trav-el, vacationing, adventure. Her husband wul be gripped grip-ped by her fever for excitement excite-ment and they wiU experience experi-ence delights which they thought were impossible in the 'dead' forties. In Paul's case there has been another an-other potent factor, too. That legacy, those thousands, they're to be saved and spent on the kids' schooling, are they? No adventure for- him, no freedom, just the routine of office and club and home; just getting older. The psychopathic discomfort of this time is recognized quickly enough in women, but it is by no means confined to one sex. It is a little premature death, it is a wind from an unknown country, blowing coldly across one's dream that youth isn't quite gone, adventure, ad-venture, new loves, new scenes, may be close ahead. Paul doesn't really want anyone but you. He isn't fool encugh to think that any pretty 18-year-old who would break up his home and deprive him of his children, would be worth bothering about. He knows all about that bald spot on the top of his head and that extra ex-tra girth. But he desperately wants excitement, excite-ment, change and spoiling. Your reproaching him, your tears, will get you nowhere. But get one or two smart traveling travel-ing outfits, and plan to drive to Canada, Mexico or California next month. Persuade him that home, office, children can very well spare you both for six weeks. Convince Viim hv vnnr rvam enfVmsincm thnt this matter of sacrificing everything to the children's future, needs Is all nonsense. You will find in your companion upon unknown roads and in little wayside inns the joyous' young Paul you haven't known for some time. That you look pretty and feel adventurous ad-venturous and want to go off just with him alone will work miracles for his hurt vanity. He has been jealous, he has been feeling unimportant, unim-portant, he has been wondering what's the use of this extra money. Little trips like this may well come to be the habit at well as the delight de-light of your lives. It Is part of our great American tragedy of divorce that hundreds of lost marriages could be saved if men and women could learn to rediscover, re-discover, when years have worn away the fine edge of their relationship, rela-tionship, the joy of being alone together to-gether again. |