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Show 7 SERlALf STORY j I EXCUSE I rlMES Novelized from the Comedy of the Same Name Ey ILLUSTRATED Rupert From Pbotornph of the PUy m Produced HugbeB By Beory W. Savage OovrltfUt, UU, bj b. . t J t. SYNOPSIS. I, lout. Harry Mallory Is ordered to the T'liillpiilntiB. He and Marjorle Newton ie'tle to elupe, but wreck of taxtcab pre-vcnts pre-vcnts their HeelnK minister on the way to the train. Trani'omlnenla train Is taking tak-ing on paHHenKi-rs. I'r.rter has a lively time with an Knirli-ihinun and Ira Lath-rop, Lath-rop, a Yankee bunin-Htf man. The elopers have an exciting time KettlnK to the train. "Uttle Jlmmlu" Welllimlon, bound for Iteno to Ket a divorce, boards train In maudlin condition. Later Mr. Jlminle appears. Hhe is also bound for Reno with n:nnn object. Llkewl.se Mra. Sammy Whlt-t-omb. Latter blames Mrs. Jimmle for lier marital troubles. Classmates of Mallory Mal-lory decorate bridal berth. Kev. and Mrs. Temple start on a vacation. They decide to cut loose and Temple removes evidence of his calling. Marjorle decides to let Mallory proceed alone, but train starts while they are lost In farewell. Passengers Passen-gers Join Mallory's classmates In giving touple wedding hazing. Marjorle Is distracted. dis-tracted. Ira Lathrop. woman-hating bachelor, discovers an old sweetheart, Annie Gattle. a fellow passenger. Mallory Mal-lory vainly hunts for a preacher among the passengers. Mrs. Wellington hears Little Jlmmle's voice. Later site meets Mrs. Whltcomb. Mallory reports to Marjorle Mar-jorle his failure to find a preacher. They !celde to pretend a quarrel and Mallory finds a vacant berth. Mrs. Jlmmlo discov-rs discov-rs Wellington on the train. Mallory again makes an unsuccessful hunt for a Iireaeher. Dr. Temple poses as a physician. physi-cian. Mrs. Temple is Induced by Mrs. Wellington to smoke a cigar. Sight of preacher on a station platform raises Mallory's hopes, but he takes another train. Missing hand baggage compels the couple to borrow from passengers. Jimmle Jim-mle gets a cinder In his eye and Mrs. Jimmle gives first aid. Coolness Is then resumed. Still no clergyman. More borrowing. bor-rowing. Dr. Temple puzzled by behavior of different couples. Marjorle's Jealousy aroused by Mallory's baseball Jargon. Marjorle suggests wrecking the train In hopes that accident will produce a preacher. preach-er. Also tries to Induce the conductor to hold the train so she can shop. CHAPTER XXVII. The Dog-on Dog Again. As the conductor left the Mallorys to their own devices, It rushed over him anew what sacrilege had been attempted at-tempted a fool bride had asked him to stop the Trans-American of all trains! to go shopping of all things! He stormed Into the smoking room to open the safety valve of his wrath, and found the porter Just coming out of the buffet cell with a tray, two hollow-stemmed glasses and a bottle swaddled In a napkin "Say, Ellsworth, what in do you suppose that female back there wants? wants me to hold the Trans-American Trans-American while " But the porter was In a flurry himself. him-self. He was about to serve champagne, cham-pagne, and he cut the conductor short: " 'Scuse me, boss, but they's a lov-In' lov-In' couple in the stateroom forward that Is in a powerful hurry for this. 1 can't talk to you now. I'll see you Hater." And he swaggered off, leaving leav-ing the door of the buffet open. The conductor paused to close it, glanced in, started, stared, glared, roared: '.'What's this! Well, I'll be a dog smuggled in here! I'll break that coon's head. Come out of there, you miserable or'nary hound." He seized the incredulous Snoozleums by the scruff of his neck, growling, "It's you lor the baggage car ahead," and 'dashed out with his prey, just as Mallory, Mal-lory, now getting new bearings on Marjories character, spoke across the rampart of his Napoleonically folded arms: "Well, you're a nice one! making violent love to a conductor before my very eyes. A minute more and 1 would have " She silenced him with a snap: "llon't you speak to me! 1 hate you! 1 hate all men. The more 1 know men the more 1 like " this reminded tier, and she asked anxiously: "Where is Snoozleums?" Mallory, impatient at the shift of subject, snapped back: "Oh, I left him in the buffet with the waiter. What I want to know is how you dare to " "Was it a colored waiter?" "Of course. But I'm not speaking of" "But suppose he should bite him?" "Oh. you can't hurt those nigger waiters I started to say " "But I can't have Snoozleums biting bit-ing coloitd people. It might not agree with him. Get him at once." Mallory trembled with suppressed rage like an overloaded boiler, but he pave up and growled: "Oh, Lord, all right. I'll get him when I've finished fin-ished " "Go get him this minute. And bring j tile poor darling back to his mother. "His mother! Ye gods!" cried .Mallory, .Mal-lory, wildly. He turned away and dashed into the men's room with a lurious: "Where's that damned dog?" He met the porter just returning. The porter smiled: "He's right in lieah, sir," and opened the buffet door. His eyes popped and his jaw sagged: Why, I let' him here just a minute ago." "You left the window open, too," Mallory observed. "Well, 1 guess ne's gone." The porter was panic-stricken: "Oh, I'm turrible sorry, boss, I wouldn't have lost dat dog for a fortune. If you was to hit me with a axe 1 wouldn't mind." To his utter bef udtllement, Mallory grinned and winked at him, and murmured: mur-mured: "Oh, that's all right. Don't worry." And actually laid half a dollar dol-lar In his palm. Leaving the black lids batting over the starting eyes, Mallory pulled his smile into a long face and went back to Marjorle like an undertaker: "My love, prepare yourself for bad news." Marjorle looked up. startled and apprehensive: ap-prehensive: "Snoozleums Is ill. He did bite the darkey." "Worse than that' he he fell out of the window." "When!" she shrieked, "in heaven's name when ?" "He was there Just a minute ago, the waiter says." Marjorle went into instant hysterics, wringing her hands and sobbing: "Oh, my darling, my poor child stop tht) train at once!" She began to pound Mallory's shoulders and shake him frantically. He had never seen her this way either. eith-er. He was getting his education in advance. He tried to calm her with Inexpert words: "How can I stop the train? Now, dearie, he was a nice dog, but after all, he was only a dog." She rounded on him like a panther: "Only a dog! He was worth a dozen men like you. You find the conductor at once, command him to stop this train and back up! I don't care II he has to go back ten miles. Run, tell him at once. Now, you run!" Mallory stared at her as If she had gone mad, but he set out to run somewhere, some-where, anywhere. Marjorle paced up and down distractedly, tearing her hair and moaning, "Snoozleums, Snoozleums! Snoo-zleums! My child. My poor child!" At length her wildly roving eyes noted the bell rope. She stared, pondered, nodded her head, clutched at it, could not reach it, Jumped for It Beverai times in vain, then seized a chair, swung it Into place, stood up in It, gripped the rope, and came down on it with all her weight, dropping to the floor and jumping up and down In a frenzied dance. In the distance the engine could be heard faintly whistling, whist-ling, whistling for every pull. The engineer, far ahead, could not imagine what unheard-of crisis could bring about such mad signals. The fireman yelled: "I bet that crazy conductor is attacked at-tacked with an epilettic fit." But there was no disputing the command. The engine was reversed, the air brakes set, the sand run out and every effort made to pull the Iron horse, as it were, back on Its haunches. The grinding, squealing, jolting, shook the train like an earthquake. The shrieking of the whistle froze the blood like a woman's cry of "Murder!" "Mur-der!" in the night. The women among the passengers echoed the screams. The men turned pale and braced themselves for the shock of collision. Some of them were mumbling prayers. pray-ers. Dr. Temple and Jimmle Wellington, Welling-ton, with one idea in their dissimilar souls, dashed from the smoking room to go to their wives. Ashton and Wedgewood, with no one to care for but themselves, seized windows and tried to fight them open. At last they budged a sash and knelt down to thrust their heads out. "I don't see a beastly thing ahead," said Wedgewood, "except the heads of other fools." "We're slowing down though," eald Ashton, "she stops! We're safe. Thank God!" And he collapsed into a chair. Wedgewood collapsed into another, gasping: "Whatevah are we safe from, I wondafi?" The train-crew and various passengers passen-gers descended and ran alongside the train asking questions. Panic gave way to mystery. Even Dr. Temple came back into the smoking room to finish a precious cigar he had been at work on. He was followed by Little Jimmie, who had not quite reached his wife when the stopping of the train put an end to his excuse for chivalry. He was regretfully mumbling: mum-bling: "It would have been such a good shansh to shave my life's wife i mean my I don't know what 1 mean." He sank into a chair and ordered a drink; then suddenly remembered his vow, and with great heroism, rescinded rescind-ed the order. Mallory, finding that the train was checked just before he reached the conductor, saw that official's bewildered bewil-dered wrath at the stoppage and had a fearsome Intuition that Marjorie had somehow done the deed. He hurried hur-ried back to the observation room, where he found her charging up and down, still distraught. He paused at a safe distance and said: "The train has stopped, my dear. Somebody rang the bell." "1 guess somebody did!" Marjorle answered, with a proud toss of the head. "Where's the conductor?" "He's looking for the fellow that pulled the rope." "You go tell him to back up and slowly, too." "No, thank you!" said Mallory. He was a brave young man, but he was not bearding the conductors of stop-fed stop-fed expresses. Already the conductor's conduc-tor's voice was heard in the smoking room, where he appeared with the rush and roar of a Bashan bull. "Well!" he bellowed, "which one of you guys pulled that rope?" "It was nobody here, sir," Dr. Temple Tem-ple meekly explained. The conductor transfixed him with a baleful glare: "I wouldn't believe a gambler on oath. 1 bet you did it." "I assure you, sir," Wedgewood Interposed, In-terposed, "he didn't touch it. I was heah." The conductor waved him aside and charged into the observation room, followed by all the passengers In an awe-struck rabble. Here, too, the conductor thundered: "Who pulled that rope? Speak up somebody." Mallory was about to sacrifice himself him-self to Eave Marjorle, but she met the conductor's black rage with the withering with-ering contempt of a young queen: "1 pulled the old rope. Whom did you suppose?" The conductor almost dropped with apoplexy at finding himself with nobody no-body to vent his immense rage on, but this pink and white slip. "You!" he gulped, "well, what in Say. in the name of why, don't you know It's a penitentiary offense to stop a train this way?" Marjorle tossed her head a little higher, grew a little calmer: "What do I care? I want you to back up." The conductor was reduced to a wet rag, a feeble echo: "Back up the train up?" "Yes, back the train up," Marjorle answered, resolutely, "and go slowly till I tell you to stop." The conductor stared at her a moment, mo-ment, then whirled on Mallory: "Say, what In hell's the matter with your wife?" Mallory was saved from the problem prob-lem of answering by Marjorle's abrupt change from a young Tsarina rebuking rebuk-ing a serf, to a terrified mother. She flung out imploring palms and with a gush of tears pleaded: "Won't you please back up? My darling child fell off the train." The conductor's rage fell away In an instant. "Your child fell off the train!" he gasped. "Good Lord! How old was he?" With one hand he was groping for the bell cord to give the signal, with the other he opened the door to look back along the track. "He was two years old," Marjorle sobbed. "Oh, that's too bad!" the conductor groaned. "What did he look like?" "He had a pink ribbon round his neck." "A pink ribbon oh, the poor little fellow! the poor little fellow!" "And a long curly tail." The conductor swung round with a yell: "A curly tail! your son?" "My dog!" Marjorle roared back at him. The conductor's voice cracked weakly as he shrieked: "Your dog! You stopped this train for a tool dog?" "He wasn't a fool dog," Marjorle retorted, facing him down, "he knows more than you do." The conductor threw up his hands: "Well, don't you women beat " He stuaiea iviarjorie as n sne were some curious freak of nature. Suddenly an idea struck Into his daze: "Say, what kind of a dog was it? a measly little cheese-hound?" "He was a noble, beautiful soul with wonderful eyes and adorable ears." The conductor was growing weaker weak-er and weaker: "Well, don't worry. 1 got him. He's In the baggage car." Marjorie stared at him unbelievingly.. unbelieving-ly.. The news seemed too gloriously beautiful to be true. "He Isn't dead Snoozleums is not dead!" she cried, "he lives! He lives! You have saved him." And once more she flung herself her-self upon the conductor. He tried to bat her off like a gnat, and Mallory came to his rescue by dragging her away and shoving her into a chair. But she saw only the noble conductor: "Oh, you dear, good, kind angel. Get him at once." "He stays in the baggage car," the conductor answered, firmly and as he supposed, finally. "But Snoozleums doesn't like baggage bag-gage cars," Marjorie smiled. "He won't ride in one." "He'll ride In this one or I'll wring his neck." "You fiend In human flesh!" Marjorie Mar-jorie shrank away from him in horror, hor-ror, and he found courage to seize the bell rope and yank It viciously with a sardonic: "Please, may I start this train?" The whistle tooted faintly. The bell began to hammer, the train to creak and writhe and click. The conductor pulled his cap down hard and started start-ed forward. Marjorie seized his sleeve: "Oh, I Implore you, don't consign con-sign that poor sweet child to the horrid hor-rid baggage car. If you have a human heart in your breast, hear my prayer." pray-er." The conductor surrendered unconditionally: uncon-ditionally: "Oh, Lord, all right, all right. I'll lose my job, but If you'll keep quiet, I'll bring him to you." And he slunk out meekly, followed by the passengers, who were shaking their heads in wonderment at this most amazing feat of this most amazing bride. (TO BE CONTINUED.) |