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Show good fvMl: JOKES MADE A DIFFERENCE. It iia kit Inspection and the differ-"iit differ-"iit r''iin,uni:3 of the battalion were .Uantiiiijj with their kits on the ground in front of them. The sergeant major w;t;i making the examination, when caKle (ye detected the absence of soap in tin; hit of Private Flinn, and Tit! demanded what excuse the man Ai?.'i to give. -"Pkize, tior. it's all used," said v'"Jinn. "Used!" shouted the sergeant major ma-jor "Why, the first cake of soap I ti.icl served me for my kit lasted me ihn.e years, whilo you are not a year in i!k ranks yet. How do you ac- you it for that?" Klinn's eye had the faintest suspicion suspi-cion of a twinkle as he replied: I'l'laze. sor, I wash every day." And the sergeant major walked on, ' whilo the whole company grinned. Tit-Hits. Feminine Diplomacy. -Yes, I finally got rid of him," she snid, "without having to tell him In ' ' so many words that I never could Irani to love him. I didn't want to do that, because he's an awfully nice fel-. fel-. low, and I should have teen very sorry to cause him pain." "How did you manage It?" her fr'.end. asked. I "Why, you see, he's subject to hay fever, so 1 decorated the house with golden rod whenever he sent word .that he was coming." ' ' SOME DIFFERENCE. ,' Mr. Saphead I certainly admire an athletic girl. Miss Pert But you married just the opposite. Mr. Saphead Oh! I didn't say I'd marry an athletic girl. Vindictive. The comical boarder Is fond of his Joke; t'T!s landlady hopes. In her heart, he will choke. At a Summer Resort. "'Really, we mustn't stand here talking talk-ing like this. My husband may come , along at any minute." "Well, we can talk in some other way if he comes, can't we?" "But he is jealous of you." "Do you think he has any cause to be?" "Oh, if that's the way you feel -about It we may as well go into the casino." He Begins to See. "'When I first hit town," remarked Farmer Heck. "I uster stand on a corner and wonder how all these city people managed to live." "Well?" "Well, seeing as they have got $38 -out of me in four days, it ain't such a .mystery after all." Lack of Tact. "Why did you jilt Percy?" "He is lacking in tact." "Why, I thought he always said nice things?" "He does but not always the right things. He was protesting his love yesterday when we passed an old woman. 1 saw my cue and said: "Will you love me when I get old End look like that woman?" "'Of course I will, darling!' he cK?d. "So I dismissed him. The idea of his consenting to think that I could ever get to look like that horrid old thing!" Women are so particular. Expensive. "How often is your motor overhauled, over-hauled, Binks?" asked Dusenberry. "Four times last month," said Binks. "Four times in one mouth? Geeru-ealem! Geeru-ealem! What for?" demanded Dusenberry. Dusen-berry. "Speeding," said Binks. "Twice by the bicycle cops,, once by a deputy sheriff and once by a plain, common, .garden, village constable." Judge. Yearning for a Tentacle. "Of course you have a grudge against the octopus; I mean the railroads." rail-roads." "Yes," replied . Fanner Corntossel; "my principal grievance Is that there ain't any of 'em runnin' within a mile or two of my place." The Real Danger. "Madam, your little dog bit one of the children in the street below." "What! One of those dirty little -creatures! Call up at once for my veterinarian 1" I POOR WOMAN. f , " . WW Mrs. Wise Well, there may bo some things that a woman don't know. Mr. Wise Yes; but no man can tell her what they are. The Point of View. "This section is almost mountainous," mountain-ous," remarked the pedestrian to his companion as they trudged along a country road one Bummer's day carrying car-rying heavy grips. "Yes, It's a bit hilly," said the farmer farm-er a few minutes later as he drove his guest from the station in the big buckboard. "Nice, rolling country, this," observed ob-served the automobilist to his chauffeur chauf-feur as they whizzed by in a big touring tour-ing car. "Gee, what a flat, uninteresting region," thought the aviator, looking down as he sailed over it in his majestic ma-jestic biplane. Life. Easy. A New Yorker had occasion to 'phone from one suburb to another while visiting in a western city. Upon asking what the charge was, he was told 50 cents. "Fifty cents! For that distance? Great Scott! In New York you can call hell up for 50 cents." "Possibly," coolly answered the operator. op-erator. "It's in the city limits." Argonaut. Ar-gonaut. He'll Learn. Minister Wrhat a pity your brother is so depraved and idle. Have you any other brothers at home like him? Billy Oh, no; I've one brother who niver swears, niver drinks, niver plays cards, niver 'its me, niver' steals, niver ' Minister Oh, indeed? , ; f i: ' Billy Yes, an' he's only sii months old. Tit-Bits. .. 4v--.-'.. ON THE LINKS. Evelyn I just met Clarence. He la a conversational foozle. George How's that? Evelyn He makes love when he ought to play golf, and he talks golf when he ought to make love. Objected to Plural. "Does she pay very much for her hats?" she asked. "Hats?" she retorted. "Why do you say 'hats' when you know as well as I do that one a ;-oar is the best she ever gets?" All He Could Think Of. Fisherman Here comes another dead fish, Pat; the river's full of them. What's the meaning of it? Pat Sure, I cannot tell at all, sorr; onless it's this terrible fut and mouth disease. Punch. Name It! "You will probably refuse to believe I'm telling the truth, but " "But what?" "It is a fact that I recently picked up a magazine which didn't have an article on the Panama Canal." Where From? "Where did the girl come from who has such breezy manners? "From the Windy City." "And the one with such a mobile face?" "From Alabama." Her Little Joke. Wrife Broke again! It seems tw me you are always short of money. Hub (a poker player) It is due to the way I was raised. Wife That's right; blame it on your poor parents." The Other Way About. Mrs. Exe So you and your husband have separated because of a misunderstanding? misun-derstanding? Mrs. Wye Nothing of the Bort! We parted because we understood each other too well. |