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Show fhfphipr y THE ALL-PUKPOSE COUPON BOOK "Washington, D. C The OPA is working on a ration book for all purposes. pur-poses. It will be a general utility book which can be used no matter what is rationed, if the idea works out." News item. You've got something there, mister. mis-ter. A presto-and-there-you-have-lt type of ration book would seem to be full of possibilities. For one thing it would enable a man to carry all the necessary coupons cou-pons without a helper. It should make the whole business busi-ness more exciting. Elmer Twitch-ell Twitch-ell looked into the matter yesterday. "Is this a gag or is it serious?" he asked an OPA official. "I'm too busy to be sure of anything any-thing but I think it is on the level," was the reply. "You mean one book will do, no matter what the shortage is?" "That's it." "How long have your men been working on it?" "About a month." "And nobody has gone nuts yet?" "Not so far, although a couple are beginning to act a little queer." "Let me get this," pressed Elmer. El-mer. "I get a ration book for sugar, roller skates, shingles or auto fuel, and if the OPA suddenly decides to ration beer openers, hair oil or liver I just use the same coupons out of the same book? Am I right or just dizzy?" "Correct. This is to be the positively posi-tively no waiting ration book, good at a moment's notice in all circumstances. circum-stances. Whatever happens you have the coupons for it in advance." "This wouldn't by any chance be a plot for a new Olsen & Johnson show?" asked Mr. Twitchell suspiciously. suspi-ciously. "I don't think so," insisted the OPA chief. "But just how will a book with coupons for four gallons of gas be usable for two cans of house paint, a barrel of onions or a box of doorknobs?" "Our experts will know." "But how will the gas station man, paint salesman and vegetable dealer deal-er know?" "Well, er, we may have to get out a book for him." "Another book?" "Yes, a book of interpretations. A sort of guide book to the all purpose pur-pose ration book." "But suppose this guide book isn't clear?" "It will just mean another book, I suppose," said the OPA man hopelessly. hope-lessly. "Lock me up now," sighed Elmer. El-mer. "I've been out of my cell long enough." "Me, too," said the OPA man. RECIPE FOR OLD AGE ("Exercise after 40 should be avoided." Dr. Morris Fishbein.'' Are you two-score, mister? Save that extra pep; If you can avoid it Take no extra step. Do not lift a finger After 40 year,s! Exercise is silly. So it now appears. When you are not working Sit quite still and think; Lack of all exertions Keeps men in the pink. Golf? It's just plain silly-Simply silly-Simply suicide; Never walk a step, sir, Where a man can ride. Daily calisthenics? Hikes around the park? All these things but shorten Life's three-score-ten mark. Relax! Scorn all movement! Long hence will you die; You may live to 80 BUT YOU'LL WONDER WHY! "I will swap works of Honore De Balzac, 33 volumes, for a pair ol binoculars and case. Mass. 1958." Yankee Magazine. That's what comes of having a reading: room that overlooks a bathing beach this time of year. The laughers haven't been giving the fuel shortage any serious se-rious consideration. Buy War Bonds Simile by R. Roelofs Jr.: Rare as a second cup of coffee. Elmer Twitchell's point in going go-ing back to coal is that there is no fuel like an old fuel. Add modern mysteries: why do they call the American league contest con-test a pennant "race"? "Hearty laughs at the style show greeted a long white flannel nightshirt night-shirt with collar and cuffs, and booties boot-ies to match. News Item. |