OCR Text |
Show Bit J rj Humorous p A CERT. A dear old lady from the country was attending her Erst race meeting, and had backed her first horse. After placing her bet she returned to her grandson. " "My dear," she said excitedly, "I'm so glad my horse Is going to win," "But why are you so sure, grandma?" grand-ma?" asked the boy. "Nothing's a certainty, you know." "Oh, but this is," said the dear old thing. "The bookmaker said that my horse was starting at twenty to one and the race Isn't timed to start until un-til two o'clock." London Answers. Borrowed Plumes The two tramps were trudging wearily along the rough country road. Presently Dusty allowed his imagination imag-ination to wander. "I say, Fred," he said to his companion, com-panion, "if you had a dollar in your pocket, what would you think of?" Fred allowed his hands to stray Into his trousers pockets. "H'm," he sniffed, bringing them out empty. "I'd think I had somebody some-body else's clothes on." Breaking a Monopoly. "I'm afraid the country suffered a great loss when they failed to send our eloquent and ahle friend back to congress." "Not at all," replied Senator Sorghum. Sor-ghum. "The sense of the plain people peo-ple again prevailed. Why should the lecture platform be robbed that the brainy men may be assembled to listen to one another, where instruction instruc-tion is superflous?" -filing out hi "W, sir" h r ! ' ""Hi,! "and pi, I . f vvere forty ttbi' i be forty-one neVh bit'I one today." e "1Jn. -rJ.-'l be.r first lesson lnra9 ! the alphabet. H . After much mx ." agea to learn up l , "Now, no, ZSi conies after '0'?" ts Bobby, who for 0I). " aent film fan brows knowingly, ! : "Why, teacher 't, replied. ' " Co Short W.l.u '' ;ireay Jj ? about Jim," said Kt, . only given me a bushcl 1 .' "Bushel?" repeats j , ever do yon mean bj ,k , Why, four pecks, tt', plained Kitty. " ' Feminine Indeptnj The Lady at No. 2ft-W" i say when your husband ob " your wearing French he 1 The Lady at No. 2'-ii : wasn't going to lowa , ; please any maa :! Dangeroui Ri,; ;! "If I see anything fME! '' can't keep a straight fa! ; "You must find shaving J ticklish business." ' |