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Show OLD MAN REFLECTS' SOME PERTINENT OBSERVATIONS BY MR. GROUCH. In This Case He Takes Note of Things Women Say About Their Hus-hands Hus-hands Liver Tonic About What He Needs. Although she knows perfectly well that you can be the woozlest kind of a sentimentalist. een on occasions when ou are unfed, she will persistently per-sistently work In that frazzled, moss-covered moss-covered promldlom. "The way to a man's heart lies through his stomach." Let her. They'd die If deprived of their favorite wheezes, of which this Is j a sample. She tells you that before ;ou were married you were only loo er.sor to stoop down and tie her shoes lace when it became untied bn the street. Now, however, you er you Well, prisoner at the bar, what have you to say to that? Guilty as indicted. Remanded Re-manded for sentence. She is fond of quoting the somewhat gulpy, tremolo music observations of the emotional type of famous men about how much they owe of their "greatness" to their mothers. Beware this deadfall. She wants you to pay a little tribute to your mother so that she can say: "But, mercy sakes alive! you don't call yourself great, do you?" She insists upon telling you every word of what Mrs. Gltapp said, and what she herself said In reply, and you rest your book in your lap and pretend to be profoundly Immersed in her somewhat piflly and pointless narrative. nar-rative. But begin to tell her something in which you yourself are peculiarly interested in-terested and observe how quickly she'll get into an unhearlng trance, or 6tare out of the window, or start to play with the kitten, or something. She never forgets to remind you, particularly when you're in a blithe, chirpy humor, about how that gloom-creating gloom-creating bald spot of yours seems to ,bo spreading every day. But Just you happen to mention those tell-tale hollows hol-lows that are beginning to appear at the sides of her chin, and see what happens, that's all! Merely mention, by way of making talk, that her Just-departed caller appeared ap-peared to possess a somewhat high-pitched, high-pitched, raucus voice, and she'll Instantly In-stantly declare that it's a perfect shame and degradation the way you positively loathe and despise all of her friends, and that "pretty soon It'll get so that everybody I know will bo afraid to come near me." Drop downtown just one evening by yourself, and at breakfast the next morning you'll have an even-money chance of hearing that old, old plaint: "I must be becoming perfectly hideous or something, for jou never take me anywhere any more." She'll sit in a bad light of an evening eve-ning and embroider a shirt-waist until un-til her eyes are all but dropping out of her head. But ask her to sew a button but-ton on your pajamas and she'll tell vou that you Just must try lo pull the buttons off your garments when you remove 'em. Ever notice how she positively delights de-lights In telling the prettiest women' that come to your home how terrifically terrific-ally you snore? Chicago Journal. |