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Show I Dorothy Dix Talks j By DOROTHY DIX, Re Word's Highest Paid Woman Writer ) BBBH I once knew a homely old woman BBBJB who, after a prolonged recitation of HHHBM tho peculiarities, and idiosyncrasies of ASftBj ber husband, would throw up her glfc-f hands and exclaim: BBuBBfl "But who can guess a man!" BflwBB Not one of ns, sister, fur man is BHlVB Lhe prize conundrum that every w- BKjBB man spends her life trying to solve, rJ-iBH; ind thai she can unriddles BBnjBI He is made up of as many contrasts BBMBBI m sweet and sour as salad dressing. He S EH j- lUll of Utle. BBBBa He is both a superfluous luxury and SmBTBj i HHHJ things a woman may bo wretched In BBBB possessing but that she Is miserable BBBfl HHHH He is our greatest blessing, and the BBBB source of most of our troubles ST, both he and we are happiest when he BBB is ltissln? awa the tears he has made K I He Is ls bi on P 1 of actual danger, but he Is scared to death every time he has a headache. He can smoke a cigarette and wait his turn with stoical calm on the bat-tlefied. bat-tlefied. but at home he can keep three people busy wrapping up a finger w Itb a pin prick-He prick-He hsts discovered the north polo, ;:nd the Innermost secrets of science. : but he can't find a pneket handker- t hief in a bureau drawer unless It hap pens to be -on top of the other clothing. cloth-ing. He will face the enemy on the field BaH 1" mortal terror of his Stenographei BBw ' . bo BBat.i.. cook, flk BJBM thumb but i. n ' ft j II" w(ll go to the Btake for the sake Bk opii ut he hasn't BI L'l li'-"rlt' ' is gibing at the faults of women, yet the only women he loves sfVo those who justify every one of his criticisms He prides himself upon being guided by reason and logic, yet in the most important act in his life he throw 9 judgment to the winds and marries a girl because of the way her hnlr curl:, on the nape of her neck. The qualities he admires in his sweetheart he abhors in his wife. Ho chooses a girl because she dresses like a fashion plate, and is outraged when she asks for a new frock after marriage. mar-riage. He will work himself Into nervous prostration for his family, and give the money with both hands, but he won't give them his society, or let his children et a chance to get acquainted With him. Before marriage he remembers every ev-ery whim and fancy of the girl ho is courting. After marriage he cani never remember her birth-1 day or any anniversary, and sh" can tdug him with hints about the things she wants without ever making mak-ing a single dent in his consciousness, i He spends hours holding a girls' hand before marriage, and uses up all tho words in the dictionary ti-lllng her how he loves her. and after marriage mar-riage he never notices that she lias a hand, or 'mentions the stale of his af-j ieciion.s .o at r He considers that no woman has a I riht to expect her husband to be romantically In love with her after she gets fat. and grizzle headed, but he experts to remain the hero of his wife's girlish dreams no matter how bald ana bay windowed he becomes. Ho likes to spend his money buying champagne and jewels for a woman, but be begrudes having to pay her bills for bread, and meat, and every I day clothes. I He trusts his wife with his name and l hi3 home but not his pocketbook. At twenty, he falls In love with a woman old enough to be his mother I an ; it flatters him to be addressed as "old man." At sixty, only a flapper is voting enough for his taste, and he likes to be called "my boy." He complains of the matrimonial I yoke, yet us soon as death or tho divorce euts his halter, he sticks his neck back in the noose. He derides a woman's logic, hut j admits her conclusions. He bemoans the senselessness of th! way women dress, yet he hangs around the chicken with the fluffiest feathers. In theory, he admires a woman ivho Is sensible and self-controlled, but be marries the little goose who weeps on the second 't.e,n ,,f waistcoat. I He calls a woman an angel, and treats her as If she were an idiot-He idiot-He spends his time and money seeking love, and trusts to luck to keep It. ' He can be as strong as a hero, as wise as a seer, ns patient as a saint, yet fly into a rage and curse he world If dinner Is five minutes lale. or his collar button rolls under lhe dresser. Who can guess a man0 J' Dorothy Dis a-lirtrs appear in tills pnprr ir Monday WodUCSClaj am! Friday. |