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Show B!" Dorothy Dix Talks I PRAISE AND BLAME j jiy DOROTHY DIX, the World's Highest Paid Woman Writer I' DJd you ever pause to consider the relative effectiveness of praise and i irlame, just as weapons of offense and v.!e:i'se? ' j v Especially in the family circle. j r And more especially with children. We donft' realizo it, but wc .grown-j ups nardly ever speak to children except ex-cept to find fault with them, wliicn ! must be pretty wearing on the nerves Lgp of the children. Not to any anything p of being disheartening and discourag- Ing. Not without cause did the little boy, when asked his name, reply that it wak "Willie Don't" and persisted in the assertion that that was what he was called at home. Our dally communion with our off- spring runs something like this: "Wil-. "Wil-. lie, don't make so much noise. Don't( I eat with your knife. Don't scrape 11 ( your 'feet on the floor. Don't whistle. i'Aj How many times have I told you not !j to leave your skates in the living room, and not to make finger prints on It that mahogany table? Why don't you II study your lessons, and for pity's sake R can't you act like a gentleman instead f 1 of a hoodlum." 1 Yes, life for the averago child is 1 just one don't after another, and fa- , mlliarity breeds contempt, so that he j gets to the place where he doesn't jj even hear them, to say nothing ox oe- ing restrained by them. As one child I Eaid to. me with unconscious cynicism, j o "Oh, mother's got the don't habit, f She always says don't no matter what I I you ask her, so we just go along and I do aa we please." ! ' Of course, parents say, and truly, W-s that they must correct their chli- i ! i-,-. dren's faults, and that they must keep them from doing the things which they should not do, but they do not accomplish accom-plish this by ceaseless fault-finding and nagging. Human Characteristic;. They overlook one of the fundamental funda-mental characteristics of humanity, which, is tho impulse we all have to live up to our blue china and to bo what people expect us to be. This instinct in-stinct is peculiarly strong in the breast of children. They aro essentially 1ml- tatlvc and will form themselves on any I model that is held up before them, j There is, therefore, no way in which you can so surely make a boy rough, and tough, as by telling him that he is rough and tough, and centering h:s ai-tentlon ai-tentlon on his uncouthness. Eventu-; ally he will come to take a pride in being a hoodlum, and trampling all of the decencies of conventions under foot. On the other hand, to make a boy a gentleman is to praise him for his good manners and his courtesy. Tell him that you are so glad that ho does not hold his knife and fork in the awK-ward awK-ward way in which some other little boy does, and you will never have to worry over his table manners again. Let him see that you observe that he took his hat off In an elevator, and that he stood up when ladies entered a room, and that ho never falls to give his seat to a woman on the car, and you will make a considerate and courteous cour-teous gentleman of him because you! have giveivhlm a knightly standard! of himself to which ho has to live up. How' well this 'plan works out in j dealing with children I saw very vividly vivid-ly illustrated once in the case of a little lit-tle boy whom I knew. This child was no student and hated school, and oven disliked to read. One time when there were guests at dinner at his home, some discussion arose over a point in; American history. The little boy, who had Just had lhat period of history in his school lesson, was able to set thej whole company right. His gratified mother related tho clrcumstanco in his hearing to two or three friends on dfffcrent occasions and wound up by saying, "You know Benny is quite a historian." History Uninteresting. Up to that minute Benny had never taken the slightest Interest in history.! but believing that other people thought he was a historian and expected ex-pected him to bo an authority on history, his-tory, set him to work, and at last he did become a historian and a profes-i sor of history in a famous university. I Ke had to make good, and ho did. j To be forever harping on children's ' defects simply intensifies them. Tol be eternally calling attention to a shyj child's shyness or to an awkward child's awkwardness can have no other i effect than to make them morbidly self-conscious and shyer and more awkward still. To throw a child's dullness in Its face is to cut off the last ray of hope by making it feel that it Is hopelessly stupid. But a little praise, a little flattery, will give the shy and awkward enough courage to overcome their defects, a little fostering of belief in himself will' help the dullard to make tho best of his limited ability. And in the marital relationship, arc not husbands and wives largely responsible re-sponsible for the way they are treated? treat-ed? If a man never does anything but find fault with his wife, if he berates be-rates her extravagance and criticises her cooking, and sneers at her judgment, judg-ment, and makes sarcastic remarKs about marriage in general, and. his own marriage in particular, is it any wonder that the wife does not think it worth while to take any trouble to please him, or to make herself attractive attrac-tive to him, and-that she becomes Just as disagreeable as he represents her to be? Admires 3 Us Wife. But if a - man openly admires his wife, if he praises her cooking, and holds her up as'a model of thrift and good management, and if he boasts that she makes her home the pleas-antest pleas-antest place on earth, is it hot inevitable inevit-able that that wife will workherself iablo that that wife will work herself housekeeper her husband thinks nor t to be, and bite her tongue off rather than say one cross word that would j spoil the fancy picture of hor temper that he has drawn? And if a woman is forever eompla.ii-ing eompla.ii-ing that her husban'd is grouchy and disagreeable to live with, that he is cold toward her, and if sho reads him a lecture every time he comes in a little late at night, who can blame him if he justifies her strictures, for there is. small 'temptation to com" home to a nagging wife, or to kiss whining lips. But if a woman is forever telling her husb'and how kind and generous ne is to her, and how she thanks heaven for having vouchsafed her such a treasure, is it not dollars to doughnuts that he will be to her, indeed, a matrimonial matri-monial prize. For it is oil and not sand in the gear box that makes things go, and tho salve spreader is mightier than tho hammer. Dorothy Dlx's articles will appear In this paper every Mondaj, 'Wednesday and Friday. oo |