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Show " 'rr " fort WOES OF TUB 1 wu TIME TO LAUGH. i$ Times: Tbs wan jpr(Ha the Louisville pita! on the night of July , but It more traapliag en I not stand to has until noon of the neat day that an poet Pmcticea bullet SOME GOOD JOKER. ORIGINAL AND bis toes, more knocks and bangs, than RONE RHORT .STORIES FOR THE . attemp wan made to remove the to r SELECTED, It location eould not be determined, ths majority of men. Posalbl he la VETERANS. t In hoepttal to eon so sensitive that he feeto them mere; el and be was be auffera and endures, sad Baltimore, and from ther to hto bom riMMS With tbe Boer, w Um BeeS; anyhow, B expecting s solar-plesOBmn Is always (kl(Ula nt Parker Head. Me., although the mission of ,the quire It A wuh of vitriol was even The WIS et a Sea el the BaersM lale A a woman friend when would had He blow. i e used. aurgeon predicted the Jouraey It consisted of muriatic add, years ago Uf Ceeg riprhf OeS and esteemed a lot the and oeauty of asventy-ivadmired he fcr however, uifcw He recovered, him. txwrtwB kill M the culture of a tract vent a end the per cent, strong diluted la 13 parts iturbM keiw. wsa Intensely particular, however, bn within three or four month wa back devlees and tricks resorted to ) tbe of water. When applied It wi'l graduHM1 later she Uked him and alwny had r at the front again. About n year frantic struggle to bs Irresistibly ally clear sway the coarse outer skin, other FLEASEO hto WITH TUB right HOCK. through went thlng kindly to nay. The a pieee of btJJ makes the b'fte Of ths esrly to give pises lo a beaut ful velvety new aboutMs leav-hol- e and tub ibbvitabul heganJtnlMng From sh Louisville the Times. Lieu- lag out at hto back one underneath. 20 s and XQa appear to the girl cl towhat hs must Ida. eomlng na tenant Heflernnn was saying the other of verae. aa a half dollar. I Ilk tbe man who toe and In big Ing an factor was most Oar a creature rerasrkaba Dieting day Important with hurt take Wltk step trlumphast "I borrowed It from a friend;" were selfish, ego- the struggle. Still hearty meal were day that he had hardly ever seen an though, unfortuna ely. It did not 1L For great grandmotheis "and started to read K. with of cheer; who Irishman wasnt with a declared, bullet ready song the for encysted tistical and silly little coquettes, who tbe rale, la ap'ts of the tradition It up befora breakfast nr Wko fights the 4117 bMHe without several months, w.l.e he wis under studied themselves no would what matter pick the retort, quick In the mirror and delicate appetite among our foremothbut do you know that be. supper, of hto canteen, brewed love after m'fht akd treatment, of ers. portkne made Coarse bread, graham scented paste potions waa trying my beet to I time See bis hope tol, yt Wps ufaltar-in- f feather cartridge box end Ms do hlsg. very waa about It three years sgo that I for the eomplexin, aping to the best and rye flour, waa tbe imperative rule. It some of the children wound traat the wade through arrested a ce tain, fellow. He was that had been carried Into of No white bread waa eaten. It waa esIdle would call me' for aosno-thlnforth of human bent tbe and caprices house Iff the Tbet God to good; that somehow, true by the shell, periodically abo'at drunkest men the a I to ever saw to other fashion- pecially avoided as most fatal Empress Josephine and I never did plow throngh and Just, Into daylight again from the sperture able French women of the time. The fine akin. Potatoes, celery, artichoke be still standing on his feet As soon not volume" for out over three work mortal; the Bto plan ss In s little I hold of him he la bis back. The to wanted Exgot eaten and salads were freely. complexion was a religious study. tear The poet had grinned broadly when months Mr. Emery was In the rank periment after exper.mer.t emanated wild tomato or love apple, as It waa make trouble. He was just like many which the in out. must-red fortune, when la ahed she began on the subject of hto book, from the others ould od when wonderful a u was gain, serving rill considered b loirs to Aid their called, from Parisian they wade through K," ten year the word world holds dear, the but 1865. of full bad booze and During August, they think beautlfler, and whole p'atterfuto were get way to American sberea and te enfelled hla spirit to : Tall through from hi graap brtter with lore succeeding the elcae of the war Mr. thrall the b iles of plow Washington and eaten at cne sitting. Brown bread and there Is a chance for a scrap. He the waa worse than n d That girl dust - carried ah ut his cnjfct a made at I me, but pass to reached over Emery'X'a molasses w s a remedy guaranteed Philadelphia. a poet a note ef wrote who seriwoman of seasons the The llrin la dishonor envies not and tapped him once on the head With with peilndlcal a pink and Lovely akin. produce Never EserelM of hto book and in. doc a hi but would Indulged for gift thanks wound mini Nor low faith in ous suffering, when bto freckles and my stick. He became quiet right away, The fight against Our great g andmothers never find it on her parlor taWe at him months let for and he heat, 'x. looked nt me and said: up nppurate continually It was considered deplorable wrinkles was an absorb'ng combat workwith the leaves uncut Nor over mu.murs at h a humbler time. One day. In 1873 while And what tolme to itF Most women sat all day long In seclub were to ruinous and auty. in They s ship r ring lot; on pa s with "And of course I couldn't help but stag rg. ing sion with their faces covered VEBT TIMID. But. with a amlle and words of hope, Bath, bs fell, striking bis back, st constantly advised to avoid all excite- court over the wrinkled answer, Just struck on. patches plaster violent ments and to sup" emotions, was lodged, bu'let the (Ives aeet where smooth to tbs efforts point 'Well, if thots so, he answered, laughter, joy, anger, and to cu- spots in their pati-To every toller; hi alum li great on the coiner of s plank blow. He press Most heroic treatment Olm dum glad yes didnt hit m an out the ak'n. a life ltivate for sake ths sober, genteel who fata heroic doc or, eoiQicr who hr a life was carried home, and ths was generally necessary, and the face hour sooner. " Of the features. -- Wknlt wag-fuan- d -S- arah K. B I ton.; was familiar with b case, discovered coated with liquid tar ge bulnecessary to na ly by- esy was actually that tbe fall had d alodged the and olive o.l to Iron it out. Freckles wsa cons of bad it dared NONE IB HU. coquetry, left and were let from its old rearing p form to part the 1 ps to any greater and brown spots of a'l kinds TBI BEHCl'S 0 CttUOBt "It's about Chinamen, Isn't tunny d be easily cou It It In a place whs w th turpentine. It?" remarked the saloonkeeper whose Be.'ore I left Texas my father seemnor did extent thn to show four te th. In rubbed out take not long, did removed. It Palated Lika a Waa Ftgara. ed to have bU mind set on tha rescue it place was next door to a laundry. "1 of ether smiling tbe ualer Up was slightly require the admlnl-terinSt.ange as It may se m. in spite of knew Sing Lung waa working away of Gilmore and hi) party," Id Colonel to maks an Incision In the aid and raised. A hearty laugh was considered I continual efforts to beautify the akin, like a steam engine this hot day, and the hlght of vulgarity. Luther R. Hara st Kanss City recentextract the bullet, after which the darIf for Tricks the so I drew a glass of cold seltzer and Improving complexpaint and powder were freely and occasional ly. Let all other Ihl.ga go, reeovtred, ear for used. M.ladl waa aa artistically handed It in to cheer and revive him." ion were simply numberless. The ingly be wou d ?, 'and g t poor 0 patient rheumatl-daring of attacks ulce of strawberries was a favorite painted for a publ'c appearance as If That waa thoughtful of you," said Gilmore out of the Filipino. hands. waa years that have followed. the man leaning on tbe bar and wishDr. Ltebermas of Kansu Cl y, was my remedy for shining, oily skin.. Aa she were s wax figure. Rouge internal remedy was sometimes taken, heavly applied, and the carmine used ing hs was a Chinaman. chief aurgeon, and b tw.en the two "THE NBUBO SOLDIEB." "Oh, but ths fellow wouldnt touch constating of a teaspoonful of charcoal In 'artificial flower often acted ss s of oi vi got 1 SOO men, physically fit Washington women set It" mixed with honey. The worst, face substitute. subsistence to go anywhere. Fat and my f they the CoL R. I Bullard of waa softened by wearing sensed to be wrkrg togdher, for department. 1st colonel of the Thirmask of the fashions in ths use of eosmetlea, "Nor And be even flew mad and ordered soon after reaching Luton General tieth Volunteer Infantry, has written quilted cotton, wet with cold water at and they even appeared st breakfast Wheaton ordered me n rth to Join a paper to a s uv ee journal oa "ths night This mask was oft n lined with with their facts covered with chalk me out of Ma place. Dldat seem to with General Young's command, and Young negro soldier," which to attracting conunderstand, you know." poultice of bread and uses milk, and rouge, their eyebrow stained touched tresses with Wa and Gilmore. circles. of out r this kind worn walnut was Juice, ma aft "But I think he did. Yea, I think at onca sent compress siderable attention in military wwa about In the center of Northern During tbs Bpanish war Col. Bullard nightly for weeks In order to effect up with bleacMng liquid unless Pow bs had been there before." "How do you mean?" asked the an Loson at Blngnat, In Arara province commanded tbe Third Alabama Volun- the desired change. It Is said to have dered white. Powdered wigs wers with 125 teer Infantry, the enlisted force of acted like a mild, Imperceptible blis- gradually going out of fashion, and looniat. when wa mala tha a (aw to whom the white coiffure was men and eom natives. We passed wblcb-w-as Why hes been given knockout empo ed entirely of ne- ter. fla tha The ehlnlng pallor of the poet wu becoming covered the head with pow drops and had bis laundry robbed of through tha district producing groes, while all the regimental officers, we.e white men effected by many wmen, and most dered starch, sifted through muslin, the last nickel! eat tobacco In all Luson, and breech except the ebapl-ilnclout people grew it Once we cam to who had lived In the south. Colonel heroic treatment was undergone to ao and scented with oil of roles. doubtful p'ace In tbe trail, and Bullard says that the negro soldier to .A LABOB COVET. Two old hunters were swapping piece of blue flannel ehlrt set ns right a happy psson who to But tbs beet guide wa bad were chalk uot worried by climatic discomforts or yarns and had got to qualL marks on tha cliffs. Theas generally the Irregularities of a soldiers life. He "Why," said one, "I -r- emember n Colonel Ruddygore Whar did I do took the form of D ink Bank'a doee not And them Issy ss soldiers and year when quail were so tMck that yon last night? and we knew Americans bad written ays that when "In squad" they work could get eight or ten nt one shot with Hotel Clerk You got drank and a rifle. It but we wondered why they should well.,. Aa Individual, however, they shot a man. ' cho.se to mark the trails wt.h sugges- are Inclined to trifle, and are not up Tbe other one sighed. Colonel Ruddygore I that all? I tions of that nature. We had been out to the mak as sentinel a Their lightWhat's the mstterr said the first waa afraid I had Insulted somebody; and of life fountain world seek the to 1 was thinking of my quail hunts. eleven days. I think, when we ran onto heartedness and good humor make Probably "very few people have any thanha a rarity. The Ides that orchid hunting, like Hon or fabslous mlnra of gold may fall to the I had a fine black hoise that I rode a party of flfteen lnu gits escorting tha eomplalner negro kill-ta- g a later of adventurers of lot these day. three Americans. We attacked, negro atari, too. with n proper apprs-clatlo- n tiger hunting, to a dangerous fcport everywhere, and one day out hunting LOOKING AHEAD. Ths romance to reduced, however, quail I saw a big covey on .a low five Filipinos, and tbs others fled, Ths strange beauty of the flowers and of the respect due hi commisA good From the London Tit-Bit-s. are business to Many a proposition. were which from plain they bring branch of n tree. I threw the bridal story Is told on one of the dignitaries sioned officer. It seems to be Inborn the high prices leaving the prisoners. They out hut sent men are of tbs by regular rein over the end of the limb and took Gilmore's party, bad escaped and been ksowleg. and as g ne si thing he the subject of bommoa comment, of the Scottish church. Be 'ore he beGi'more, thy said, was Uvea np to this disc pllnary quality, the fact that the beauty Is aomemes dealers who pay them for their ser- a shot' recaptured. known to fame be waq a minister came who the the rtaai For r. la vices. puts person the the sec- Ho Anew wot- ,- how-ve"Several birds fell and the rest readily lend fatal and that the price utrit two d?y weghcnlXaxly of remote a country parish, and was are cams upon tha nival himself to tbe authority of the nonof labor that to both strenuoa ani capital In,to the enterprise there ond day later away. considered not s particularly attractTheir cap'ors commissioned officers. A difficulty In perilous Is little known outside ths chlnces for large profits, but It to said fleer and hto party. "Well, Its aa I saw It In a tper.' ive preacher. be more to to lost likely that a fortune on that limb that when they flew off bad heard of our crrnlng and lied. punishing ne-r- o so dlers ctmes from trade . At hla suggestion extensive alteraOn s calculation of chances, how- tfan won In these orchid speculatloas. It sprang back Into place and bung tions were made In the transept of hla Gilmore begged them not to lesvs him their stubbornness, and It Is even necconsists flowers men the value lie of large. my.horse!" ever, It would appear that Shooting without food or arms, anl bis essary, In order to maks punishment ", church, and these had the effect of In their rarity, and on- - a rapidly had had little except pony meat for effective, to have It carried out with big game Is s safe venture aom pared sweeping away considerable seating ef fall from para-sttmay market ;ocked them. these prices lovdy two days before we reached ths ridicule cf comrades. On the other with the search for OCT HEB SHAKE. riOLKINO accommodat'on. within artitew shillings tony pounds to a of tropical vegetation. An Gilmore had bun a prisoner nearly hand, says CoL Bullard, the negro Is Eunice had been doing some figuring One day after tbe alterations had a acshort him and gives period, we found cle In Harmsworths Magazine fond of pralss and can be made to on her slate. eight months when been effected, he visited ths church JU that b seemed dated. In fact, none of the complish much by judicious commen striking story in point It relatesTsm-stsv"Papa," ahs said, "do you know this see how it looked. e, left who True hunters orchid demonstrative. Is The Tint TorpeSe men were very subject of eight datlon. The colored soldier country eats about 3,(00,000 tons of "What do you think of the improveMadagascar, to look for speciAmericans, they bed never ceased to readily to ths moodi end excitement Torpedoes, when first employed by sugar avery year?" John?" he asked of the beadle. ments, hope, and the relief came rather u a of Ms commending oflker.- - If ths mens seven perished within s year, the Americans against the Brltlah in "No. I dont know it," replied papa, exclaimed John, la "Improvements?" esto matter of course Gilmore authority captain be a little rattled la drill the while the eighth barely managed the Revolutionary war, were ealled taught by past experience to be cau- disdain; "theyre no improvements st had always been recogntoed by bis effect la seen on his men. If hs loses cape from the islands swamps with American turtles, and their use waa tious a. Whaurarsyeg in ti put ths folk?". a. and he had made a civilian nam- hla head and beom-- s frightened hto health ruined. Well, Its so. I saw it In a paper." pronounced Infamous and worthy only "Oh," said the minister, we have offl-e- r. search And or excited hla followers era Imbued It to in such places that the ed Langford bto executive of savages. "Yea, what of It dear?" of room, John, considering abundance here the beer advertisement oa the wltk the same spirit la the same must be pursued, and men have lost only Ive been fldnlng out th size of the congregation." "Nothing, , In not work was only trail were explained. Langford bow much -- every man, woman and way negroes take sides" Jn any row their lives In ths "That's' T.hsn6.reiveryweel Brazil, and obaerv be to ths brewery aaAmerican for Madagascar.'but'Ih'MsxIco, In State agent United child eats an of which they happen oa th we what wilt "but to torted the beadle; When nyonng man asks a girl slip was captured while la some ere. according to Colonel Bullard. The Ecuador, Venezuela and Sierra Leone. , do when we get n popular meenister? off hto nscktls, and there Is average." , thread climate of those risks Oa the sense ar ths In Nor soldier ths trad. a la drumming how is good it?" "WelL much , place negro be excusIt may he necessary to deal nobody etos around, she may march late the mountains he took that hs is obedient and a splendid alone. about "Its pounds a year, t don't to If all disappointed that DOING HIS BEST-Ied for offl-eefor n on being quest with wild animals whlla aom chalk from a school house and fighter when he It under Intrepid bellev I eat half of that and yet you Somerville Journal. c that happens. morning 1 went to ths the early are gA-there and Beer Blank'e wild The Drink flowers, wrote fuaa the with thia who are disciplinarian. make a every time I want" Alabama town to Inan office in to poet bs natives placated. In offleer ' "ThatU do, child. I surrender. rally hostile negro regular In Cuba showed hs was along the trail. The Filipino to where God Is wanted least found I was half but Where for undermall, of old Heros a quarter. Go and get your quire barge caught him at it, and of course of the r'ght materia, and It must be All that ths adventurers 1 needed. was most I too Bs an sew early, walking away hour the box of candy." remonatrated. assumed that hs was a type of all his went when they penetrated when the colored Janitor whs was more character arm rmce "By under t Oh, I'm only advertlelng my beer, sweeping out called to me and naked: to discipline, by nature LANGUAGE. Langford told him, and the Insurgent suhmlsalve "Was yo pro:rast'nfn around yarq and happy, from Oas of more " thought It was a good arter yor mall. sahP to mors subordinate Gilmore's men, a young felow from octal position , but I see Im too early. Yes, more need to POSTMISTRESS Ban Francisco, bad a little monkey superiors, from poverty too airly. An was yo n sah, "Yes, and clothrt fewer sob 1 which he carried on a the trip, end plain food, stranger In dta town?" CoL Bullard, "the average ' they mad good use of h'm la many forts," says Yea." negro volunteer Comes to the colors eases the trait and berries in the h ain't yo no one to talk to? "An needed first with more of the urgently coun- arrived 1 went upon the platform, levmountains are poboncua Thea in the oldest "Na postmistress The of the aoldler and readier for my gun and declared I would hungry men would lead the monkey to qualities Den, tab. If yo dont keer to elimtry is Mrs. Mary Paachall of Trenton. elled the first' ruffian who touched th shoot President the frail, and If he at they would eat, service than the white. Washington wa appointed by inate about da street fur kalf an hour who Ind., , I waa a pretty otherwise the moat tempting growth 8tar. yo can atop right yere, an Ill do my Lincoln and who to now 80 yean old. United States mail often gone hunting having shot, hold would go untouched, and the little good powho postofflee women best to consider d reciprocity of da To her BElSrKB THAN BILLETS. owe much. Her hitter with my brothers at the old farm In situashun an make yo feel to boose 1" monkey never abused the trust placed today sitions wild of West Virginia, and when la him. We had no rations end decidIt was during one of ths preliminary straggle to defend the mails In ths thefellow seised the bag I put a bullet a the to ed It would be nearer to float down skirmishes at Chlckamauga, says the her of appointment HARD LUCK. arly days In coast Ms legthan success forever the river to the northern The office and her ultimate New cowboy sat down o tbe ground, Th us out to try to go back. Rafts took "That episode marked the last of the federal troops bad reached tbs top of a opened the Held to women. She tells lingered a roll of bills and locked sadly In a troubles at ths station, but hostilisear Apawl. where we tonnd the MU. and ths fconfeierate had been the story of her adventure at hto pard. ties did not cease st my home. At Princeton, In tors than two week. forced down on the other side. They spirited manner. B1U," he aald, "Its no use. I can't Rice was practice l'y tbs only food hid behind stumps and trees, fell over "When I first received my commis- algbt attempts wers mads to rob ths to town with you Is "How go BeGar healtT" your we could And. On the entire trip I behind logs and sought other places of sion," said the postmistress, T found place, and this necessitated my sleep-lu- g asked BtlL n "Pm from Just sick Why, up Smaggs smallI did under th counter, which lost 6nly one man. He died of 'v concealment In their effort to escape immediately that my path would be got 25 to my name." Ive bed." pox. end we brought hto body berk on Tank bullets. One beadles youth very difficult Not only waa there the tor three months But I could not 1 t up is se Vat agin, said BUL BeGar matter "Figg Strang a raft. None of the other men were fell over behind a log and the rest of Imperfect mail system to stumble over, prevent broken windows. Thee cow- wis as No use I've flggered It up a deten bsdr wars not don by reputable Infected" the story la beet'tod In his own words but the will of the men of the country ardly acts times, and it always comes out the of the high eltlsens, who, nevertheless, tried more seme. Itll take 320 fer the drank, TU against me because I feil wlti my fees down, and ASCENSION. VIS of ms from means my A USASKiBU CASK, dollar an s half fer bed an breakfast, feeling opposed to women holding pub- effective Several forcing York could hear ths Yankee bullets whist New Times: th When From petitions against ms lic offices. Not infrequently I was position. an a half fer catrldges, an that three of One of tbs most remarkable case Hug over my head or burying themminister Mgh church to Washington, but Presi- th young compelled to' remain awake all night were sent leave a cussed cent to pay the wont to was called of s man surviving s svere wound selves la the log b hind which I tendencies over preside - stanch mall hags, and occasion- dent Lincoln remained flue. abhorred that la that of Augustus F, Emery, of Dor hiding." 'In hugg ng close up to the watching the ritual a congregation ally I had difficulty ln securing the friend., Chester. Mass., who was wounded In log I shoved my face into n horuet'i months ths chief an- tom, and was a stickler for the elm taw a when "After For alL the at wu mall bag services, hs called DnMwwfl raw, the battle of Gettysburg. July S, 1853, nerL Ths home's covered my face Bishop the train upon the plat- noyances ceased, and th only trouble pleat ofto ask what would ,ou bs the rs-u- lt Widow Gootefleahel Oh, dear, oh, and carried the bullet In the muscles and head, and I lay there picking them thrown from Potter mall ths syswas with men Imperfect of the town I had form tX tbe depot the of hto back for ten yta-- s. oThe ball cR on at a time until I found aa opIf he went in for ritualism just dear, Mra. Gossup, I cant tell yefhow would seise It before I could get with-tn- g tem, tor which soms psopls blamed n ML I feel. Whenever I wake up entered near the .waist line, on the portunity to eecspt. Soon after that Vi reach and assort the mail to snk me." should burn a pastille night and It happen to strike 12, rJm-aglright-han- d I "8uppoas aide, and loded. no one met one of my'driiL; ? and he said 80 ' the years old, aged post or two Although what oa earth themeelves. Of course, the men had during the service; what do knew Just where, fer a long time; hut, Great goodness, J that my daar, dead husband orlll no right to disturb the mall, but they n litre a still retains her position. would happen, bishop, for appear to me! think aa was Anally dee;m ned a lx ut three Is the matter with your face?" ShOT-eyou , ' with to try the experiment?" Mr. Gossup (comforting) But, my It Into a hornet nest" "Ton must took the law In their own handa, beinches to the right of the spin, about ths end of this year, tele- I dearly woman n Before powerless. lieving "Your congregation would be In- dear, poor woman, how can you imagon n line with the point of Its original bars suffered fearfully." "No; I "I tolerated tbla behavior for a phonic communication will have been censed, your vestrymen .would fume, ine such a thing! Your husband never entrance. He lay on the fl H of bat et experienced a more delicious feel' short time, and then purchased a gun. established between the cities of Italy and you would go out in smoke,' did appear unLl after two In the mornUfe. in r I ef of ths e nourthirty-onla my p , tie atlng botrs. and all the One Just before the mall train had ted Swltxerland. day ing, you know. ishment he received w- -t a drink of hornets to Yankee bull tel" quickly replied the bishop. CMIPFIBK SKETCHES. ; "Belt ei ofDay-- Early t) THE Peculiar Insure Deauty. ni n htr (MflHf - ne g, -- tt me-mem-to nt -- jr g poa-aibl- e, -- t- -t . good-nature- d, - Br, PERILOUS ORCHID ! c" V J n rs good-humor- J-- OlDtSI Lu-B- Orleawr-YtmewDemoc- rat to-da- o-- ' vi ' ne nv I A - V |