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Show THE TIM li TO LAUGH. SOME GOOD JOKES, ORIGINAL ANO SELECTED. He Oat the Job - A la(HTate Man Wise I'reraailna -( ansa for Aellna In laeorreet IlleaneaU Sunnysrapha Sjniualhatlc Hnula. IMIIKIIICT IIIMIXOSIH. Ho pencil as u (oi tuue-tcller and mind reader, and when ho wan arrcHl-ed arrcHl-ed find taken Into a New Yoik court for porting handbills on tbe street, he explained his voinilon to the presiding presid-ing Judge. "And so you nrV. n nilnd-re ider." said ttiti itttiTiieti r of tbe law. "1 wonder If you ran rend my intml." "Oh, yis," replied the priHonci. apparently ap-parently believing lli.it a ' I'lnll ' would rve his c:o.e as cll im anything. "Yon are of a brl.iil and cheerful dUposll ion. And 1 can S"e by Ihe toeriy twinkle In our iiilnd that you ere about 1o tell ine to go home." "Your lilugnosl Is not correct," said the Judge. -, was merely mi d tatlng whether I should niuke the tine live dollars nr ten dollars. I think we will call It five dollars this time." A IllJH'wItArit MM. "No, (ilndya MiOoogle," he said In his deep ami earnest voice, "life without with-out yuu would be of Utile use to me," ' Do you menu that you would take the suicide route to escape It?" the fair girl murmured. "Yes," be answered: "you have guessed It." "Revolver or rope?" "Nellher." "Gas, then, or poison?" He shook his auburn locks and smiled at her balded air. "What then would you do?" "Gladys," he slowly answered, "if you refuse in) lore 1 will take no chances of failure! I have determined 'lo let a malarious inoetiutto bite me." Tbat fetched her. niAMiiKn urn Minn. The bouse wue "handy to the street-ear street-ear line" and In good repair, there were the proper number of closets, and the rental was reasonable, but before coming to terms the househunting house-hunting matron eald to the agent: "It la only fair for me to tell you that we have five boys." "That won't make any difference, ma'am," be said, with a smile. "You will find big families nf boys on both aldea of you." "Ob, ttien, I don't want tbe house at all!" ahe exclaimed. "I want to find a neighborhood where there won't be any boys hut mine." At Isst accounts she waa atlll bunting. HB UOT Tll JOB. Orocer (to applicant for altuatlon) Are you fond of work? Boy No, sir. I ain't. Orocer Well, you'd better get on borne again. 1 waut a boy that la. ' Boy There ain't none. Orocer Yee. there are heape. I've bad any amount here thla morning. Boy (doggedly) How did you know they were? Orocer They told me ao. Hoy H'm, ao would I If I waa aa fund of lyln' aa they la but I ain't. 4 AN UMDATKD NTATKMrNT. "Tea," eald Miss Woudbesiunthln', "my ancestors lauded on Plymouth Hock." While the bun of admiration and envy went around she added autto voce, "In WI." We should be truthful at all times, no matter whether we shout It from the housetops or not" CAUSE COB ACTION. Rowland "Why did you nearly kill tbe manager, me lud?" Koxey "Oadinoke! He wanted me to play In 'Uncle T'ora'e Cabin.' " Rowland "Then you consider the play beneath your talent?" Hoxey "No; It was the character He wanted me to don a skin and be a bloodhound." HYUI'ATIIKTUI siui.a. Edith 1 heur that you und Fred are quite Interested ln one another. Bertha Don't you tell a soul, Kdlth, but really I believe Fred and 1 wero made for each other. We have played golf together three times and we nevor have quarreled except two or three tlmee when Fred waa clearly In the wrong. Teas Dad to Worse. Jonas "Brown Is an unlucky dog." Bmltb "Huw'a that?" Jones "His object In marrying waa to get out of a boarding house." Smith "Well?" Jonee "Now hla wife Is running ons to support tbe family." i - t riKSVIIH AI'IIB. j Tody "Jennie tells nie young Wotu by proposed lo her last night," Vieix i "I don't think I know him. la be 1 wall off?" Tody "He certainly la. I She refused him." t Mrs. De Blinks "No, air; you ran f not have my dimthter with my con- j sent. I detest you end I wish I could l think of pome way to make you mis- t ernble." Mr. If Ir ki "Well, then, why not become my mother-in-law?" 1 An Insignificant little pin In a wo- man's leit oil. tl disturbs a man's men- F tal poise. ( "My dear, nie you fielln- any bet- . ter?" asked her fond mo'.her. "I dun- no." replied Dolly. "Is th- Jelly all . gone?" "Yes. dear." "Well, I think . . I am wi ll cniiuith to get up now." ' Stem Parent "Are you sure that j, you can support a family?" Ills ( DaughlirV l.uv. r "Well er you see, I wasn't nicking any calculations on ' that Just yet. 1 only want the girl, you v know." j Tbe youthful lawyer's profession Is ) usually heller then his practice. Hie Bachelor-' 'But you should remember re-member the old inavlni. 'Marry In ' li.ite and repent at b luum.' " The : llei edict "Oh. a man doesn't have any ' Iclsuie when he's married." VUSK l'llMAlTIO. rO , J - ex? "S'&y 'Toy. mlstor, you look like big-hearted big-hearted man; can't you help a poor guy a little?" "That's Just ths trouble, my friend. The doctor saya 1 have enlargement of the heart very bad and any further strain on It may prove Immediately fatal." I.ITTI.R t.AUGII. An Ksplanettoe. Maude "l m eo glad to see that your , health has greatly Improved." Clara "Thank you. My rapid recovery re-covery wna due to thla engagement ring." Maude "indeed! From whom did you recelu It?" Clara "From my physician." . Another Vlaw ol It. Burglars entered the house of a north side physician the other night, and meeting a friend on hla way downtown the next morning be aald: "I say. Blank, did you hear about my robbery 1h1 nigh I?" ' "No. doctor," replied BIanT.''Wllom-"' " ", did you rob?" y Disclosing a Sacral. WZ "Does your slater ever talk about me?" atiked Hie enamored youth of hut best girl's small brother. "You bet she does," replied the youngster. "I heard bor tell ma the other day that If your shoes had rock-era rock-era on them they would make good cradles." The KBecl, Ida "I see less people have been killed by football this year than ever before." , May "For goodness' sake, don't let tho playere overhear you. They would feel ashamed and atart In to break the record for brutality." Wisdom of Kiperleaoe. Singleton "I wish you were eligible eligi-ble for membership in our bachelor club, old man. You have no Idea of what you are missing." Wededly "Oh, yea, I have. I count . the change In my pocket every night and morning" Nut aa Ornanseat. Myer "la It true that Miss Oldham has Just Inherited hslt a million?" Oyer "It Is; and ahe will need er- ! ery cent of It In her buslncas." Myer "What la her business?" Oyer "looking for a husband." The War ef Weaoan. Nell "But you must never mention, whst I have Just told you." Bess "Why, Is It a secret?" Nell "Oh. no; but " Bess "Then It Isn't worth repeating." repeat-ing." Crop Beporl, "Say." queried Farruor Hayrix, t "what dew they raise In them ther roof gardens drown tew th' city?" ' "Peaches, uncle," replied ine city- ; bred young nian. ( Vital (jueslloa. 1 IB "You are truly the first girl I f ' ever loved." j She "That Isn't the point Are yo i sure I will be tho last?" - V , t'aullous. Short "Do you believe that a fellow i, feeling ninkes us wondrous kind?" Long -"It all dep.nda. What ara i you feeling for now?" j Hatter Titan Blnylng, Woary Walker "How did you leave j thlnga in St. Louis?" J Tired Tsttors--"By the cattle train." 1 r |