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Show ' iliarir I . r - t 1 w m am aa. Ift mt rf 4 i L l WOODROW WILrSON Nbw PRESIDENT OF PRINCETON MEANT TO BE FUNNY ' THOUSANDS OF WOMEN CATARRH DYING FROM CHOICE SAMPLES OF TH( HUMOR OF THE DAY. One Explanation of the Orty,, the College Yell Her Golfing itum Only Wanted Just Reward r His Hard Work. -- His Disclaimer. said the American fkther, there is nothing ln the moor that my daughter is engaged to the crown prince of FurrinUuuL" Here he assumes a pose (f t08clous pride, and resumes: But she could have a crown prince If she wanted one. My fortune F qpw at such a figure that at the prevailing market rates I eoulj g(Ve r 15 dukes, 20 lords. 10 earls or fir ordinary princes. Thus' you Buy that the acquisition of a crown prince ould not entail painful economy upon No. me. Both Were Good, Av$ ' Woodrow Wilson, LL. D., Lit D., tlonal and business world Joined with Frtoceton, 79. wm Initalled as presl-dea- t the alumni In congratulating the new of Princeton university October president on the honor he had receiv. With Impressive, jret simple, cere- ed, and also congratulating the unimonies, eminent scholars from more versity on tbs choice It bad made. (ban ISO Institutions of learning, men Grover Cleveland delivered the adf letters, dignitaries of the church dress at the Inauguration of Woodrow and state, and men high la the profes- - Wilson. Where Woman Is Boss. Thors is a remarkable community la Abyssinia where the women, with-ou- t holding meetings or agitations of any kind, have emancipated themselves, says Golden Penny. AH the women work hard, while the men are Idle; but by way of compensation the bouse and all It contains belongs to the wife. At the least unkind word she turns the husband out at night. In storm or rain, and he cannot come hack until he makes amends by the gift of a cow. The wife considers It a duty to abuse the husband, and If ahe were weak enough to show any love for him In lift or grief at his (death she would be scorned by her (tribe. The wife, without any reason, Queer Horse Friendships. Some of the famous trotters and lacers out this year have queer mascots," said a man Interested In such things the other day. "Jos Pointer, the unbeaten stallion, 2:09i, has a goat for a chum. Searchlight, 2:0314. is infatuated with a pony stable companion. With the pony near him be is the most tractable horse In the world. When the pony la taken sway. Searchlight will do nothing but kick and bite. ' But the queerest of all stable friendships I aver saw. Is one that Hal B., 2:0414. has made. He scraped an acquaintance with a Plymouth Rock pullet a month or two ago. Now she roosts on his back and rides around - easy -- strike tent ,and . go- -, taking there for hours when the fast pacer -- with I d her of the. Joint, (being cooled off after alrace."'"" The husband, unless he is The Schoolgirls Favorites. traveling, m ay not live out of bis tent- Dramatist Bronson Howard declares Corns Not a Disability. that the theater was not Intended for j. A vetersi of the Spanish war re- schoolgirls, which Is perhaps true. cently appealed to the secretary of tbs If It were not for schoolgirls, however, dnterlor a case In which he claimed quits a bunch of matinee idols would pension on account of corns that bs shortly be directing the movements tied contracted by wearing army shoes of a pair of mules or presiding over The department, after aa exhaustive bargain counters Instead of drawing (course of reasoning, comes to tbs con- large salaries for exemplifying the clusion that corns are not a pension- high Ideals of the modern drama The decision says: able disability. Corns are Inconvenient, but are p Amusement Casuattlsa Incapacitating, and when they are When the number of fighters enThe remedy Is simple and within tbs gaged respectively In the game of reach of any one. The soldier's pa- war and the game of football Is contriotism ought not to terminate with sidered the list of casualties shows jhla military service. It should prompt that football is the more dangerous of 'him to go to a chiropodist rather than the two forms of amusemenL a do the pension bureau.' Record. one-thlr- s. set-flo- ; r He I think she wears very short t ' golfing skirt. 8he Well, why ahouldxt shlf She baa a perfect right He Her left looks all fight, too. - -- l I J French Wins Consumption. Deatha Due to Weather. There are about 200 deaths yearly In England due to weather; 140 of these are due to cold, and the rest to sunstroke' and lightning. The average French person consumes Ip a year 13 times as much wine as the English subject French people drink 21 gallons a head yearly. Pe-ru-- na "I am (lad to recommend Perana aait has done so much for me. I had been a great sufferer from catarrhal oolds until I waa urged to try Peruna, and I am Explained It Didnt Fight Did you know that your political happy to say that it has entirely cured me. I shall never be without it and antagonist had cast reflections you r most cheerfully recommend It to others truth su'd veracity?" . who are affileted aa I have been. L "Tea." Katherine Dauter, 239 13th St., Mil"What are you going to do about waukee, Wia It?" Most people think the success of PeNothing. My pride forbid me to runa depends upon the use of advertiseUndoubtedly the advertisefight anyone except a geuflemu. And ments. a man who calls another a list Is no ments help some. But by far ths greatest number of people who hear of Pegentleman." f runa, have their attention called to it by a friend. A Fair Phllosopbtr. Some one gets cured of chronic ca"And yon realty think that, the Ig- tarrh by Peruna. After hs ia certain of norant may be successful H life?" his curs, he Is sure to reoommend it to said the man who enjoys ibstruse his friend. Friend recommend it to friend and the new spread from tongue discussion. to tongue. ' e answered Ml , Certainly, All the advertisements la the world jfel'the man who thoroughly be- could aot make Peruna as popular as lieves fMiilniself has a great advant- It la. Peruna cures. That is the resage. And can people like It Peruna cures a frequently based on the grossest sort of Ignorvery stubborn disease. That Is why ance." everyone recommends It Peruna cures chronic catarrh after all other t ; remedies fail which explains why Quits Consistent t Cay-enn- self-estee- 1 : Miss Malnchants - 1 suppose youve - to Mr.- - heard of my engagement Jenks? 'Miss Ascott Tes, and I vvafess ! was surprised. r Y6u told me ale that you wouldnt marry him for a illlloo dollars. Miss Malnchsntx I know, fig r, but I discovered later that he had tf 0 mi- llion. Refuses t& ftssTgrw! William ODoberty M. P.. who has been asked by the executive committee ef the United Irish League for North Donegal to resign his seat in parliament, because be attended the coronation, reiterates bis declaration that he will do nothing of the kind. though and Stops the Works Off the Cold A Left Quietly. Mistress I hope you did sot have angry worde with your last mistress on leaving your situation. , New Servant Lor bless Jon, no, mum. I Just locked her la the bathroom, took all my thlngi, ami went sway as quietly as posslhloy Stray Stories. Laxativs Brouio Quinine Tablets. Frio 25a The Plaint of the Mouse. First Mouse You dont Bean to say you are afraid of women? Second Mouse No, Im not afraid of them; but they have suth a way of screaming, you know. Really, It Just Mrs Wlostow's Soothing Myron. For children teething, tufted the gum, reduce tfe Semmntlua.elUkjs pin,cure wind colic. ttcnbolU. Pblla-delphl- A November Colds Should Not Be Allowed to Develop Into Chronic Catarrh. Cures a Cold Promptly and Permanently. neighbor mends it to recom neigh- - Peruna cures catarrh permanent ly, and this way bor. -- . m, V . g haa gained friend. People who have been cured bv Peruna many years sgo ha vs been eager to recommend Peruna to their friend ever since. This is the way Peruna ia advertised. It advertises itself. Its merits are its chief advertisement Once cured of so distressing and exasperating a malady aa catarrh, it become the duty of every one to pasa it along; to call the attention of thoae who are still victim, to a remedy that rarely fail to care. a Imitations of Uw,r. of... Choop U. Bora That Ids Oat life-lon- There are no Substitutes for Peruna. Allow no one to persuade you that there is something just aa good. The success of Peruna has tempted many people to deviae cheap imitation Beware of them. Be sure that you get Peruna. Miss Jennie Driscoll, 870 Putnam Are., Brooklyn, N. Y., Write: T heard so much in praise of Peruna aa a specific for catarrhal affections that wbenl found myself with a bad case of catarrh of the bead and throat Peruna was the first thing that I thought ot And my convictions were not wrong, for in a few weeks after using Peruna systematically 1 waa entirely rid of this aggravating and distressing disease, catarrh. ' If people knew ow efficient Peruna was for this trouble they would not hesitate to try it. I have all tha faith in the world in it, and have never known of a case where the person was Jennie Drisnot cured In a short time. coll. If you do not derive prompt and satisfactory results from the use of Peruna write at once to Dr. Hartman, giving a full statement of your case and he will be pleased to give you his valuable ad, vice gratis. Address Dr. llartmsn. President of iivweo PoW;epiniw Columbus, Q. CARBOLIC SALVE will prevent blood poisoning in Cuts, M Wounds, Sores. and heal Brnises, too. them, Would yon have 25 cents. v TOOTHACHE for 15 centi? Our Jap- - -- Zt Ay v v anese Tooth Ache Drops will rid yon Law Seams Too Rigorous. of both. Rev. Dr. William M. Richie of New a 1? I DeCOSTAS LIVER York haa been fined 375 for practicing medicine without a license. His offense consisted ot administering medicine to cure the morphine and liquor habits. FILLS is Health Insnrance for 25 cents a policy. What is your health worth? All Lung Diseases 'W mcd start with a cough. German Plows in Russia. If yon will cough up Germany sold Russia nearly 3700,000 a quarter for a botE? worth of plows last year. The plow In tle of Cough Balsam L. 0MfM Uton ert (M tf merit. W. L. Doaglu MU) aad told or naaa use In that country haa wheels at the upsets me completely. Walt (HaaS 8awad PranaO aham la (ha Brat stop coughing beam tip 0 It doesn t have to be held. youll lx aioath. a? 1MX (haa aay at bar amaafartarar. Corn Cure win w paid t. Japanese sin Girl Goss With Every Braving. W I UiUUU na dlarT tkla italwil. will iwlwvwl in tw.nty a von of rid Dipbtboria Book Clark Is DOUGLAS $4 SHOES hicky fellow. lie Almost miraculous. Dr. Thoma. KclU-ldozen CORNS for a pW.L. CANNOT BE EXCELLED. OIL At any drug store. has Just won half a mllllo dollars. quarter. Which do IU03.S20! u4e,oo Buts What lottery ghros such best-co- rns love Town. the aot Amorlcao loatkan. Hfta a Btst Import Missouri ) yon Pepsin prises? Bo Calf, Calf. Vicl Kit, Corona Patent toamol. Calf, or quarter? Book The matrimonial lottery. Pepsin Is the name ot a Jasper counColt, HaL Kangaroo. Faat Color Eyolota naod. Tanflnn I Vho aonulna haraW. I, BOTOUS ty (Mo.) town near Carthage. ALL ud price stemped on bottom ON STORtft .ft Atod W. L. DOUCLA $3&39 SHOES t. IV. OoaS-ya- ar nnnHi BRIBERY SENSATION HAS CAUSED STIR IN MONTANA In the Studio. r I Baker's Wife I should ffie to have my little boy put into the picture, too. Artist Then It will cost 20 more. Bakers Wife But Ml take him In 1 : my lap. Llpplncott rr Ita Origin. What's tha secret of happv, vigorous health? Simply keeping the bowels, the stomach, the liver end kidneys strong and active Burdock Blood Bitters does it. Fsw American Women Criminals. In American prisons the proportion of men to women Is as IX to 1; ia French prisons as 5 to 1. . iir DMUQIT OM DIRECT FROM 3 Z. C. M. t 1 I. I iff-- Otfse Ferirakii M-to- wn lia a Grump Where on earth lid those students get that college yJ? Hump Why, once upon a they upset a hornets nest jin Cl, -- $10.00 Daily hmwiai rmm sbsto ft, Lak. CI17. Ula. yack thebench. This charge of attempted bribery to a renewal of the Litter fight whicn'was waged so long iLn the Montana political field, when (Senator Clark and hls 'great rival, paly, fought for the controKpf the Trill doubtleas'legd - legislature and the consequent nomination for United Btstes senator, Helnse has met the accusation of Clark with the most emphatic deals. OR BEAST Wherever It Is uwd, there la a etmog llktog for our Three Crown Baktnf Powder. It puts a quality into your baking product which luauraa you enjoying and appreciating the article. It aavea money and aa an element of family economy aiands without a peer on the market o( today. Once you try It you will alwnya continue ita admirer. Price right; Xhc per pound. HEWLETT BROS. CO. Utahs Favorite Confections A Good Excuts, Hs was wandering in Inland and came upon a couple of men m holts rolling on the road. The man on top was pommeling the other within an Inch of his life. Ihe traveler Inter1 vened. "It's an infernal ahame (trike a man when he's down," said he. "If you knew all the trajjl 1 had to get him down," was the reply, you wouldn't be talking like that MAN STRONG LIKING. Vaelly BswrSa to, For Hraifes and Sprain s Mexican Mustang Liniment For A rtnAnGV mi Dr.XJLDUIJI SBOS,ls&9AUute,Qft (ft. kauM.tnu.m Sal has been created In A sensation Montana by a public statement issued by Charles W. Clark, son of Senator accusing F. Augustus Hsluxe of attempting to bribe him with 32,500,? 4100 to secretly work against his gather, the gcnator. and secure th. election ok a legislature and Judiciary to Hemr.es (favorable interests, lelnxs has' litigation In the courts Inciting millions of copper mined, and thrlarks accuse him of trying to . , NEW DISCOVERY: gives V gtiteli relief end egrerworet rxsea. Bouk of teiimrmtn)and 10 DAYS' treatment UTAH JUNK I fttu hot9 be mod, 25c . extra. Iilut. Catalog V. L. DOUGLAS, BROCKTON, MASS. I MOLASSES DAINTIES v v CARNATION CHOCOLATES your Salt Lake-Can- dy Deafer for Them , s Co., Sole Makers. RELIABLE ASSAYS. Gold &oc. Imot 50c, ooid A&ilver 7rc; GoId.SU- -. r cop r tl tdt Prompt reiurnaoa mall aamplea OGDEN ASSAY CO. yiMrea11- - .'.Fl'JVH.ff J PENSION I f1 llICKfOHl, ttaablngton, D. C- thny will recelra quick repllea. B. hth N H. Voli Stag OUthCorpa Projctutinf Claim aiac II 7S You can make money addreaslng rtrrnlars at home. Gel particulars. Martin Supply Co.. Box 16.SaltLaka . W.N. U.. Salt Lake-N- o. 1093 -, II Wtiea Answering Advertisements fteatioa This Fitw. ' Klndlg |