| OCR Text |
Show WHBIBM OLD BIRD. WELL KIDNEYS KEEP THE BODY WELL. f Somewhat Disappointing. He was a doctor and was patiently waiting for hls first patient. Thought When the kidneys do their duty, th he: "If the mountain will not come ' f 4 blood is filtered clear of uric acid and to Mohammed, Mohammed must go other waste. Weak to the mountain. And as patients will Can You Imagine Col. Roosevelt kidneys do not fi- not seek me out I must needs seek With Whiskers? lter off all the bad them out. He strolled through the WAIL OF THE BUTCHERMAN. matter. This Is the cheap market and presently saw a cause of rheumatic man buy six nice cucumbers. Heres Steaks, steaks, steaks! pains, backache and a chance! Bald he, and followed him Former President Comes Out of Jungle r All cut and ready to sell; But never a soul comes Into my shop, urinary dlaprders. home. Patiently he waited for four With Facs Covered and Old Doan's ills long and lonely hours and about midOh, beef trust, la this well? Friends Hardly Pig's feet, sausage and pork! cure weak kidneys. night the front doorquickly opened, Chickens and veal and tripe! Recognize Him. and the man dashed down the steps. Rev. are counters loaded with My these, And some of them getting ripe! He seized him by the arm and cried Weaver, GeorgetWashington. Had you met TheoBut ever the hungry throngs Do you want a doctor?" former Tex., own, earnestly he on Go surging past my door. the street before dore Roosevelt the man roughly. HerNo!" replied editor Baptist And no one ventures to step Inside, went to Africa to hunt lions and other "At a Want more cucumbers! And stand on my sawdust floor; says: ald, For thousands and thousands bavo awors beasts of the jungle you probably Baptist conference would have recognized him even Theyll sooner starve than eat at Jackson, Tex., I A morsel of flesh or fowl. though you never had seen him. fell from a platform Till down goes the price of meat. It is probable that Roosevelts picand hurt my hack, , Beef, beef, beef! ture has appeared in the newspapers Its hard to collect the bill; 1 , Dk I was soon over the But, oh. for tbs touch of & vanished oftener than that of any other public kidthe but Injury, trade. Nine timet in tea when th liver it man. His face is well known the (W And the sound ot a phone that is still I neys were badly disteOMck end bowels an light. world over. The eyeglasses with black and often ordered, painful passages HOT ONE. CARTERS LITTLE cord hanging down over his cheek Doans Kidney Pills cured LIVER PILLS the former president never put the bloody. this trouble completely." cord over his ear, as do many weargeny but firmly co Remember the name Doans. Sold pel a Uzy lnurtei ers of glasses the short, bristly musFoster-Mllburn dealers. Co., by all do iti duly. tache, and the square cut chin that Cura Cea Buffalo, N. Y. 60 cents a box. Indicated the determination he pop stipadon. to all the known well sesses, werp Indigos- Unpublished Utterances. people of the Wad. Last and not least, tion. Herein is set down a hitherto unnone ever thought of Roosevelt withSick utterance of Emerson. There published out the white teeth. The cartoonists Headache, aad Distract after Fating. is no doubt of its authenticity: An Small PH Small Doaa, Small Price dood-elalways portrayed the former president a boodely boodely boodely boo, GENUINE mutt bear ngnatures with shining teeth. When in repose doo! It was his favorite doodely Roosevelt really does hot show his way of addressing babies. Carlyle Inteeth any more than the ordinary man. babies thus: addressed variably It is when he smiles that the display kookey koo, kookey kookey "Kookey is made. of teeth koo! Occasionally he varied From this trlef description you can kookey with: that keekey keekey Keekey no doubt see the picture of the former Shakekee! kee, keekey keekey, president of the country. conversation with babies was speares Now! Sir Too this: Too Roosevelt has a beard! Francis Bacons was simply: Klklk. If you never had seen the forme? David Hume said: Boo! Charles chief executive of the United States Dickens us'd to say: Heao, taint oo I flash often have Cured by Electropodes Jlggs something wor yaph a itty bit?" Sir Isaac Newton upon my memory that I bad forgotten New Electric Ttotment. Mctst faaote Inside shoes. Body becomes mirast Mm tbs ' used to say: Howdydoogums!" for years. for Rheumatism, con Factor wires. connecting Neural gu. Backache. Kidney and Liver com George Eliot used to say: Cunnin Biggs Did one of those flashes ever Guarantee signed with plaints. Only ft 00 pair. fail to cure, money reIf Puck. sin! each sale. Electropodef Burdi! recall that five you borrowed three turned. If not at your Druggist's tend on Ws will see that you are supplied. years ago? An Absolute Necessity. WESTERN EUCTROPODB CO. 14? Lo Aaffdi, St, U,Analw. CL Elusive. Wifey You told me the other day we must avoid all luxuries and con"Of happy days Make no complaint; fine ourselves to absolute necessities Theyre always where only. You think they aint. Hubby Thats so, my dear. , Wifey Well, last night you came 8lzlng Them Up. "I notice all the patrons call yot home in a cab. ; by a different name, remarked the Hubby Yes, but that was an absolute necessity. observing guesL from over-eatindrinking-b- ad the Yeas, monsieur, responded liver and constipation get Hows This? French waiter, "it is in zat way I tell We offer One Bundled Dollar Reward lor $mf many a one, but theres a way out ze tips I may expect M ol Catarrb that cannot be cured by Hairs "How so? Cascarets relieve and cure Catarrh Cure. F. J. CHENEY A CO Toledo. O. and Why, If zey shout Hey, you! I gel quickly. Take one We. the undersigned, have known F. J. Cheney lor the lent IS years, and believe him perfectly boo. one nickel. If zey call me Boy, I get m the feel ever so much better orable In all buelneea transaction and financially dime, and If zey say Garcong with able to carry out any obllyatlona made by hta firm. morning. WALDUK3, KlNNAN A MARVIN, one Parisian accent, I get a quarter. Wholesale Drumrltt. Toledo. O, t- WHERE THEY GOT DONE. Among the gambling stories that the late Pat Sbeedy used to tell in his art shop, said a New York reporter, was one about a Jackpot "A beautiful young bride, the story ran, "entered a corner grocery or morning and said: Have you any Jackpots, Mr. ' Sandsr I want a chicken that I can fry, roast, stew or fix up ny way I want. Dealer Heres one, lady, you can do anything you like with and not ' hurt It. Mrs. Justwed , NO HEALTHY SKIN LEFT My little son, a boy of five, broker Three doctors prescribed for him, but he kept getting worse until we could not dress him any more. They finally advised mo to try a certain medical college, hut its treatment did no good. At the time I was Induced to try Cutl-cur- a he was so bad that I had to cut his hair off and put the Cuticura Ointment on him on bandages, as it was ' impossible to touch him with the bare hand. There was not one square Inch of skin on his whole body that was not affected. He was one mass of sores. The bandages used to stick to hls skin and in removing them it used to takftm skin off with them, and the sq$Ar 'vom the poor child were out with an itching rash. H ' v v ' . . tV V 45i wv ? r v v heartbraigliiSTr"iegan to think that No, maam, Sands he hid s smile behind got teapots and coffee pots I dont stock. said Oh, dear! answered, and hls hand. 1 ve pots, but Jack- the bride. A frown wrinkled her smooth and beautiful brow 'Im so sorry! You see, Mr. to Sands, my husbands mother used cook for him, and nearly every night he talks in bis sleep about a Jackpot So I thought Id get one, for, since he mentions it so often, he must be used to It Could you tell me. Mr Sands, what they cook in jackpots? an''Greens, maam. was the quick swer Application. the Impoverished horse dealer, as the cruel wind blew his cotton trousers against his thinning limbs, "Its a fact that my business Is getting worse and worse. Theres no demand for horser any more. If people get hold of money now they buy automobiles and let their horses go. commented a grizzled old "Yes, bookworm, "and how vividly the present state of the horse market, so disheartening to you, Is explained by the adage, Money makes the mare go. Its Adages a fact, sighed Trouble In the Constellations. second application of Cuticura OintWhy asked Sagittarius, is ment I began to see signs of improveeuch a mad wag?" There waa no response. ment, and with the third and fourth Applications the sores commenced to "Well, said Caprlcornus, after a dry up. Hls skin peeled off twenty painful pause, 1U be the goat Why Hines, hut it finally yielded to the is he?" treatment Now I can say that he is "Because he cant be Sirlua, anentirely cured, and a stronger and swered Sagittarius. A vagrant meteor tumbled, but healthier boy you never saw than he Is twelve years or more since there was no other manifestation ot the Cure was effected. Robert Wattam, applause. 1148 Forty-eightSt., Chicago, HL, GREAT. he would never get well, but after the Aide-bara- n to-da- h Oct 9, 1909. Marriage. of chance in which the chances are about even. The man leads at first, but after- - leaving the altar he usually follows breathlessly In his wifes trail. The rules are very confusing. Ifa masked player holds you up some night at the end of a long gun. It Is called "robbery and you to telephone the police; ibut if your wife holds you up for a much Wger amount the next morn-lin- g at the end of a long hug, it Is termed "diplomacy and counts in her favor. In this, as in other games of 'life, wives are usually allowed more privileges than other outlaws. Judge. t A game I f - Vv , Friend Was hls college education "How so? of advantage to him? "They have the nurse take it out in Proud Dad You bet. He got a Job instead of giving it an auto- as motorm&n almost immediately. a mobile. Headed Oft. Found Wanting. If aha puts on a veil when she "So he has lost faith lu deep breathGoes out with you, know this. go-car- t, It will be of no use for you To try to swipe a kiss. ing? Yes; it wouldnt keep his hair from falling out. Houston Chronicle. A brother flatters his is a young grown-u- p i - man sister. who ROMO QUININE.- X. 0XV ONE e"Itmtovu 'fMSu u i.AXxm vlimmc. Loo tnt of N W UlioV k Leed (be World tilt signaturea Cold In cm a Day 25c. overtnuro Oh, Man! Manl Maue Jack swears that he traverse seas just to look would my into eyes. Ethel. He called on you last night, as usual? Maud Not last night; he telephoned me that it was raining too hard. Very Much So. Visitor (sympathizlngly) . My poor man, I suppose you have had no elevating influences in your life. Convict (Indignantly). Indeed, I have, maam You ought to have seen how my partner could "lift things. e , " ; t The best people on earth are wifes folks so she thinks your y i Down in the dumps g, No Use. Stern Patroness. Do you think a wife ought to question her husband's wisdom? Shrewd Pensioner. Sure, and If they did, few of em would ever git an answer taocDfcrsy fliaa j doubtful Approval. Is very ticklish. I wonder ?Sw he would like to be cured of hRJpflrmity? Oh, doctor, he would be Just tickled to dehth. "So youKhusband t ' A Base Deed. Maud So the soprano of your choir threw over the baas for tj'rhurci the tenor? Estelle Yes; she thought the tgnor was more high toned. columas should inoA upon refuting at I rrfAitiffq or iuiubocs. jbed m Sts Wiag whst 'they uk fix, An Old Idea. In those old times when they cut off people's heads, the train of events proceeded on one modem idea." "What was that? "The block system." Caaqerets-rlO- c Independent Opportunity Futile Dissension : i "So you and your husband tare - WANTED Llye representatiyet In every comin America, to furnish desired Information said the family munity ways quarreling? No Agency, no canvassing just a little time an4 used outside regular work secures interest on brains ; lawyer. Profit Sharing Plan id one of first four great indusof the Ration, that will soon pay 100 Annual Yes, answered the young woman. tries Dividend continously No such straight, legitimate ad "What do you quarrel about? opportunity ever before offered the people. Thisenbut once. Send self addressed stamped I forget the subject of the first appears velope and 10 cents to cover cost of full information. Forward Movement Syndicate (Inc) quarrel. But we have been quarreling San Fmaclaoo, CftL Monadnock ever since over who was to blame for It. MOTHER GRAY'S SWEET POWDERS FOR CHILDREN, A Certain Relief for An Ungentlemanly Reply. "Once yoi) called me the light of your existence. King Edward Style. President Fallieret Style. r t Wasted Effort. you wouldnt know him. Even the cot Stella I was surprised to hear, ol respondents of the big newspapers Miss Vassars engagement to young who have known "Teddy for years DeSmythe. hardly recognized him when they met Maude Why were you surprised? him as he emerged from the jungle. Stella Well, It Isnt In accord with He wore a flowing beard. At Gondo-korthe eternal fitness of things. he had it trimmed, but the correShe three he and unden speaks languages spondent doesnt describe whether it stands only one was the Van Dyke, Galway, sideburns, or what style he selected. SO UNHAPPY. We will not know until some one sends a photograph whether Mr Roosevelt chose the style of whisker approved by King Edward of England or the kind favored by President of France. Hence the two pictures here given. It is doubtful whether Teddy will have the beard when he reaches this country. Mrs Roosevelt will have something to say about thaL They say Kermit also had a downy growth over his cheeks when he came from the lair of the lion and that other members of the party likewise were bearded. Must have lost their razors, for the descriptions of all the things they took with them told inof certain the kit kinds of razors that were YoeknoV, it That had any Idea you were going to come the dead weight of it. FeTerlehneea Hand a Che Rtoaiarh Treaties, Teething and Destrsj piasrderiy Break teld Worm. They all in S4 C'onetipatiee, was before I be- Trade Mark. Dont acciept njsubstitui hour. At Druggist, 85cta. Sample mailed FREE. Addraaa. A. - OLMSTED. 14 IUyrLr Pettits Eye Salve First Sold in 1807 years ago, sales increase yearly, wonderful remedy; cured millions weak eyes. All Y. druggists or Howard Bros., Buffalo, 100 Light to Banish Sorrow. Sorrow dwells longest where the sun is shut out. Florida Times-UnioMrs. Winslow, Soothing Syrup. SEND US A SNAPPY NAME Remedy. Ftrpt 00 Mail Order Stock JndPuae l old Watch, Prise wl & e with name Contest Prire Silver Watch closes May 1st. HALL Hook, ltt IL4?th tt. ihlaam Forchlldren teething, softens the gums, reduces allay s pm, cures wind colic. Joe a botue. Hrd Give truth a square deal and it not be crushed to earth. your l PATENT advice FlUgrraldAle. ideas. will book and IvKB Box bsUbllsbedlfaHQ. It, a sahlagtos, D.C Fal-liere- s A Ruyter Did your new novel have a happy ending? Scribbler No; unhappy. Seven pubthis lishers turned it down and I burnt it A Proof of Competence. Women could have voted at election without an; trouble about their ballots ' How do you know they could?' Because women are used to folding blankets. bow-weetreat meat. All druggists. Blearest seller IdUm world million bon a montb. Rail's Catarrh Cure la taken Internally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of tbs system. Testimonials eent free. Price 75 oeate peg bottle. Sold by all DrugglMa. Taka Hall's Family Ptua for eonatlpatkxk More Than a Mere Idea. Heckle. Have you any idea as to what became of your dog? , Hecklam. Have I? You Just bet I have! - When pork chops, hams, shoulders, tenderloins and pigs' feet go up five cents a pound and the price ol sausage isnt changed welL I've got more than a mere idea." Bringing Up. ... its Duty Compact. Gunner What in the deuce is that you have hanging in your den, old man? Guyer Why, that is an Eskimo calendar. Gunner But it only baa two days In it? Guyer Thats all right You know the days up there are six months long. "Theyre bringing the baby up to te a mollycoddle. . .a h ' DAVIS VATNKTIXFft lias do substitute. No other remedy is so Hfoetlvt for rheumatism, lumbago, fttlffnesa. neumlffta or A.UI01 any sort, Put up in abovAni and Ado ixHUea. liver - The Kind You Have Always Bought And the man who kills time will discover that sooner or later it will come back and haunt him. Make, the to-nig- ht Important to Mother. Examine carefully every bottle of C ASTORIA, a safe and sure remedy for infants and children, and see that it Bears the Signature of In Use For Over 30 Years. ' Takers ot the United States Census will use Wateunans Ideal Fountain Pen because it Is alwsys ready and sure Abram Household Industry. The advertisements were the mosl interesting things in the paper, ao He cording to Mr. Hobarts Ideas. read them to his wife as she sat al work on the stockings of their active son, No need to spend your time huntup. ing for antiques now," said Mr. Ho hart, after skimming the cream from Fetching. a long article, as was his wont When Phyllis goes to taks the air, Neath winter skies. "Heres a man that will undertake and Not only does she take the air guarantee to make your new furniture She takes all eyes' look as if twas a hundred years old Cause of the Trouble. by a process known only to him. Bill The Japanese "Hello!" at the I dont see any need of processes our furniture. remarked Mrs. Ho is "Moshl for moshi! or Ano telephone ne! with the accent on the "nay, hart, as she cast a hopeless stocklnj to the flames o the Franklin front Jill All right; now what is "Lin in Yonkers Japanese! busy States- "Tommys feet re all the process ws need. Perhapsf'we could rent him ou' man. Youths Companion. by the day. The Modern Brand. Smith. Brown is a great philoao Ji Perspiring. pher. jt The eye ja little Washington mlsi Jonea. "Indeed ! attract8! by the sparkle of dew a: was too Smith. "Yes, Hes philosophiearly meting. "Mamma, she ex cal, to bother about philosophy. bottern I thought t claimed, j Now Willie Knows. was. Little Willie Whats an auction. Wharfs you mean?" Looff Tje, the grass is all coveret PT Pa An auction, my son, is a tor with ptffi Ration." Baptist Common bidding place. -- Mt Pass Along The GoodWord's That Dr. Pierces Golden Medical y and has, for over Discovery is 40 years, been the standard Stomach Strengthener and Liver Invigorator sold by druggists. Its not a secret nostrum but a medicine of known composition a medicine so good that the best physicans prescribe it knowing that its ingredients, which are printed on its outside wrappers and attested under oath, are the best known to medical science for the diseases for which it is advised. The great success of Dr. Pierces Golden Medical Discovery in curing weak stomachs, wasted bodies, weak lungs, and obstinate and lingering coughs, is based on the recognition of the fundamental truth that Golden Medical Discovmuscleery supplies Nature with making materials, in condensed and concentrated form. With this help Nature supplies the necessary strength to the stomach to digest food, build up the body and thereby throw off lingering obthe digestive and stinate coughs. The Discovery nutritive organs in sound health, purifies and enriches the blood, and nourishes the nerves in short establishes sound vigorous health. If your dealer offers eomedunfi iust as good. it is probably better FOR HIM it pay better, lut you are thinking of the cure not his greater profit, eo theres nothing just as good for yon. Say so. to-da- Blood-puri-fye- r, tissue-repairin- body-buildin- g, g, , Dr. Pierces Common Sense Medical Adviser, In Plain English; or, Medicine " Edition, Simplified, 1C08 pages, over 700 illustrations, newly revised -bound, sent for 21 one-ce- nt stamps, to cover cost of mailing tnly. Cloth-- 1, 31 stamps. Address Dr. R. V. Pierce, Buffalo, N. Y. C Ml UvU AXLE GREASE is the turning-poin- t to econom in wear and tear of wagons. Tr a box. Every dealer, everywhei POK SALB IT CONTINENTAL OIL C ttNCOBtOIATIO) |
