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Show SmijW ; t r"- : "- : i COULDNT MILK BICYCLE "Don't you want to buy a bicycle t ride around your farm n?" usked thej -hardware clerk, as he wrapped up th; j nails. "They're cheap now. I can let, you have a first-class on for $357" j y "I'd rather put $35 In a cow," re-j. ; piled the runner. i "But think," persisted the clerk,! V "how foolish you'd look riding around! : i on u cow." ' "Oli, I don't know," said the farmer,' stroking his chin; "no more foolish, I guess, than I would mllkin' a bicycle." r ; Fruit Dispatch. , i t A Martyr. "What's become of, Rantlngton- Roarer, the eminent tragedlnn?" ' s "He's playing small parts in the, movies." ' x. ' "lie used to say he'd starve before1 be'd prostitute his talents on the-! screen." ... "Maybe he did. He was considerably i underweight when he signed up."- , i 1 . A GOOD AUTHORITY "Jack may escape after all. The young widow says he is clever but' Impossible." "If the young widow has found him Impossible he must be clever." : A Modern Romance. They went to chool together, They grew up aide by side, But he never knew he loved her Till her rich uncle died. Once He Was. Mrs.. Peek To think that I once considered con-sidered you a hero I Bah 1 Henry (her husband) I suppose" the thought struck you on the evening" I performed the death-defying aneV foolhardy fent of proposing marriage ro you. Wow! Rorlclgh (at 11 :40 p. in.) I love-that love-that dreamy look In your eyes. I have never seen It In any other girl's. x Miss Bright (stifling a yawn) Perhaps Per-haps you don't stay as late with themes them-es you do here. Irish Independent. No Relief. "Whut Is the matter with your car?" "I dunno. Knglne trouble." "What have you done?" "1 took it to a drug store. But they didn't seem to be able to diagnose the case." ! 9 ( , Wind and String. "Peck Is a great fellow for blowing: his own hora in public." "Well, poor man, I suppose It's a change for him from playing second nddle at home." A Possible Patriot . "What's the mutter with this man?" "Well, what's the matter?" "He reduced the prlie of something: because he heard the governwn wanted It." HELPLESS Her Mother: I saw you and Jack Hugglns kissing last evening and I didn't hear you call for help, either. Miss Pfllppe: It waan't necessary, mother. He didn't resist I particle. An Optimist. How doth the Utile busy bee Improve the panning hours . In gthTlng up the sweeti of life And dodging all the sours. Rett for an Anarchist, Doctor Von must take a complete ret? By the way, what's your occupation? occupa-tion? I'nt lent I'm an anarchist. Doctor Well, don't throw any more bombs for a month at least. London Tit-Bits. Waiting. "Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them." "But you were not born great or will you work to achieve greatness?" "Well, I've still got one chance In lhrw, haven'i I?" And Consultations Are Frequent. Marks My wife always consul's me about every article of attire she buys --hats, shoes, gloves, everything. Talks My wife does too; Hint is, she asks me for the money. |