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Show I NELLIE o I ! CRIIVELL hays: . A NY time we imr-'ine for a iiii.iiii-nt that v.e cannot he n-placeil ur thiit W)! are In 1 1 1 1 -n -:i 1 le we are riding for full. Or when we refuse to lay olT oni take a II--1, hi-lli-ving we couli) not nlTonl if, or tlmt we couldn't t npiireil. I hail not taken a vacation In nine years; thought I could not af-fonl af-fonl It, as I hail tremendous linanelal responsibilities. As a res. ill of not taking vacation I have heen ill for live years and have Bient many thousands more than I earned hy my overzealoiisness. I also Imagined I was Indispensable to the rhow business, thought no one else could get my boss's show gut. l'ut I find that the sun has continued to rise In the east and set In the west, that the show huslness not only went on without me, but that they have built about twenty new theaters, started start-ed a new vaudeville circuit and discontinued dis-continued It, all since I have heen ill, and the shows enjoying the reoor.1 runs are the shows I hare never seen. And my old boss put over a big hit without being aided and nhetted by me. So maybe I could hnve had vacations vaca-tions bad I only not believed myself so Important. I am writing this In the hope that some of you who perhaps per-haps are laboring under the same hallucination hal-lucination will proilt by my unfortunate unfor-tunate mistake. Many nn Important huslness deal has been settled on the golf links or so the golfers swear but I hardly Imagine many of them are of the sort a niblick-wielding friend of mine ran Into on the other side. He was playing a course In Scotland Scot-land one day last summer, he told me, nnd had the Ill-luck to drive into the foresoine ahead. The ball, after about two bounces, caromed off the cap of one of the preceding players, a kilted Scotchman. That wouldn't have been so bad except that a tender skull was supporting the cap. The Injured golfer came running over, rubbing his head and shouting, "I'll bae tli law on ye, I'll bae th' law on ye. I'll sue yer for five tliousan' point's," "Didn't you hear me call 'Fore'," protested my friend. "A'richt," agreed the Scot, "I'll taU' four-r-r." Recently I bad occasion to go through the "Position Wanted" columns col-umns of the advertising section. Though I did not discover what I wanted n nurse I (lid find a surprise sur-prise in the number of people who advertise they want to "place" their secretary or their butler or their chauffeur or some other employee. How people Advertise Is their own business, of course, but having been both employer and employee at various times in my life, I wondered if such help Is exactly fair to the employee. If people are unable to hunt 'Jobs for themselves, what would they be able to do for us if we hired them? Frederick Warren, a noted teacher of music, and singer, tells nn amusing Incident of his professional service. "Now, remember," be charged a young pupil, "that 'f means 'forte.' That being true, what would 'IT' mean?" t "F.ighty," was the mathematical re spouse. Outside of the llivver nnd the telephone tele-phone there Is probably no more favorite butt for jokes than the mail service. There was a time when 1 laughed as heartily as anyone at wheezes directed at the postal department, de-partment, but now I have nothing but admiral ion, respect and gratitude for the men. who desipte rain, snow and torrid weather go on their rounds without fail. While I w.".s parked In the human repair shop my mail was delivered through Station 0, New York post olliee. and in four years only one letter let-ter of mine went astray and I was not sure that that particular piece of mail ever got as far as New York. My mail during all that time was very heavy and a larger percentage of errors er-rors could have crept In without giving giv-ing a real basis for criticism.' On several occasions I had deemed It necessary to make inquiry and always al-ways I was met with the utmost ot courtesy. For a time a post-ollice inspector in-spector even came to the hospital weekly to make sure the delivery was satisfactory. Somehow I can't see anything funny now In o,uips about the inefficiency of the men in gray. 1 wonder If Willie and Eugene (Toward (Tow-ard remember the time. IS years ago. at the start of their climb up the ladder lad-der that has reached to Winter Garden Gar-den preeminence, when we were playing play-ing the pee-wee time in a western town. The house was an upstair barn where the curtain was operated by the actors themselves and. as I re call, the piano was stationed jiiit inside in-side t'.e front door to enable the player to double in brass as ticket taker between tunes. One afternoon while Eugene w-as sircr'ng a ballad on stace. Willie ao-cerci:;g ao-cerci:;g to programme. beLran to liar ii!on::-.e in the wings off the entrance He had l?t out several notes when suddenly a heavy band was clnmpec over bis mouth. "You blamed Idiot." said the stage manager's excited voice. "Shut up, you foil. They can hear you oul front." (Copjrtshl by ihe McXautnt syr.Jicjti. In |