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Show Kathleen Norris Says: Women Fool Themselves Most In Love Affairs Bell Syndicate WNU Features. I 4 i Best of all were the evenings when Carlton would come to discuss books or politics with my invalided father; and afterward we would go into the kitchen for coffee and toast. By KATHLEEN NORRIS THE world is full of persons per-sons who fool themselves; them-selves; mostly women. They think they are deceiving deceiv-ing others, but their families and friends see through them as though they were panes of glass. We all scold the small girl who says glibly, "I didn't tell you I'd broken your vase because be-cause I hate to tell people bad news, Mother!" Or, "I took the candy away from Betty-Lou Betty-Lou because I thought it might ' make her sick." But there are lots of older self-foolers self-foolers to whom we can't address reproof. For example, the pretty young wife who says that her husband hus-band really doesn't want to go with those men on a fishing trip, he'd much rather stay at home and take her to visit her mother. Or the woman who tells you that she would love to do her own work and help poor George with the housekeeping house-keeping bills, but that he really . wants her to take it easy and rest a lot. Nobody but herself, of course, is fooled. Perhaps the field in which women i deceive themselves most often is that-of love affairs. When she loses her charm for the man she adores, the beloved woman won't admit it easily. She fights along for months, perhaps for years, trying to persuade per-suade herself hat he still cares, that he will come back, that the old glow and thrill and glamour of the beginning of their love will certainly certain-ly return. Loved a Man Six Years. Frances is such a woman. She is 29; she has loved one man for nearly six years. Their affair seems to be no nearer to marriage, as the years go by, and her heart is sick with waiting. "Carlton came to our small town six years ago," she writes. "He is everything the heart of a woman could desire, tall, good-looking, amusing, handsome and successful. There was not a girl in my circle who didn't perk up and take an immediate im-mediate interest when he came along, but it was only a matter of weeks before he and I were aware of the deep sympathy and congeniality congenial-ity between us. It was 'Franc and Carly' from the first-when anything was planned. We were in theatricals theatri-cals together; we were always paired off on picnics and parties. Best of all were the many evenings when he would come to talk books or politics with my invalided father; and afterward he and I would go into the kitchen for coffee and toast. "My mother died suddenly and my father did not long survive her; I thought then that Carlton would surely say that we must be married. But he did not, although he was all sympathy and wonderfully dear and helpful. Two other school teachers came to share my home with me. I bore it as long as I could, and then faced the music, told him how I felt, reminded him that for three years we had been going together. "He said he felt that my parents' death had rather pushed our affair into the background and asked for one week to think it all over. Before Be-fore that week was up he came to me and asked that we be engaged, but it must be a profound secret. He gave me a ring of his mother's, "but asked me not to wear it publicly. pub-licly. Wants to End Delay. "That was three years ago, and nothing has changed since. Carlton said last year that 'until we could be married' he felt that we ought not to see each other more than twice a week. He comes Wednesday WISHFUL DOERS You've heard of "wishful thinking," but did you know that there is such a thing as wishful doing? That may not be the name by which you know the, dangerous way some people have of acting as though what they wish for were actually true. But you know what happens to the father who insists upon trying to make a scientist of a son who is interested only in music; mu-sic; the mother who makes a plain-looking, but brilliant, daughter miserable because she doesn't happen to be a beauty. These "wishful doers," unlike mere "wishful thinkers," think-ers," harm others as well as themselves by their refusal to accept reality. night, and we always have a plan for Sunday; we either take a picnic lunch somewhere or go to an afternoon after-noon movie and dinner downtown. Of late he has been asking a married mar-ried couple we like very much to go with us. The man is his assistant; the woman I've known for years. They usually bring two small children. chil-dren. "I want to be married," this letter let-ter ends. "I want a home and children. chil-dren. In these disturbed times I want to feel anchored; to do my bit for America as a wife and mother. I am getting restless and nervous; once again, only last night, I faced Carlton, asked him to end this delay. de-lay. He says now that to get married mar-ried now would look like an attempt to evade the draft; he is 33. Will you advise me as to the best way of handling this situation? I have never had another sweetheart, and I am as deeply in love as ever." Here is another case of a girl fooling fool-ing herself. Frances knows in her heart that any feeling Carlton ever had for her is dead. If he comes to see her still, only on those appointed ap-pointed days, it is partly habit, partly consideration for her, and partly because he doesn't know how to get out of it. He would be a more honest man if he had cut the knot brutally and quickly once and for all, about five years ago. And she would be a happier woman if she had seen all this coming, and had stopped it before the twenties had run their course, and time had landed her perilously near to the shore of spinsterhood. She might have saved herself these years of waiting and watching and hoping for a day that now seems as far away as ever. And she would surely have gained dignity and strength. My advice to her is to drop Carlton. Carl-ton. Tell him that his attentions don't make her happy, as they once did; which is true enough. Tell him that she wants to be absolutely free, for her teaching, reading, walking, gardening, women friends, that although al-though she really loves him, she would be happier in her soul not to continue to dangle in this state of continual expectancy and disappointment. disap-pointment. Will Suffer Heartache. If she has the courage to do this she will experience, first heartache, a forlorn feeling of being adrift from the moorings to which she has clung with such pathetic faith and hope for so long. And secondly, she will feel a courage and a self-respect, a strength and freedom that will be manna to her soul. That is. unless the complacent dawdling Carlton suddenly wakes up, as he indeed may, and rushes her instantly into j marriage. Either way she wins. |