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Show Natrs of n .Veil) Yorlcrr: An Argentine ollioiul was addressing address-ing a gathering of Col. Peron's officers offi-cers clipie. ll" .shouted: "The plutocrats pluto-crats who are responsible for this war must not go unpunished! The Yankee and British imperialists who . are trying to squeeze our beloved Argentina to the wall attempted to do the same to Germ; ny. That is why the German nation under t Hitler struck bark at their enemies. Nor can we allow the Jewish-liul- shevik alliance (which emanates from Moscow) to hem us In. We, too, must try to 'save the world from the Red menace!' " At that moment a messenger placed a slip of paper into the speaker's speak-er's hand. He glanced at it and read, "Argentina invited to World Security Conference." Startled, the official cleared his throat and resumed: "And so, in conclusion, gentlemen, I say, 'Long i live Democracy!" J Eat-Your-Own-VVords Dop't: FA ward R. Stettinius, in a letter to" Rep. Jack Anderson of California I (dated January 28, 1945) wrote that ' the U. S. "should not enter Into normal diplomatic relations with the Fascist military clique which Is In control of Argentina." A couple of dainty debs tripped Into a swank bar. "I never drink in the afternoon," said the first, expertly expert-ly settling herself on the stool, "but I'm simply beat. Gotta have something some-thing to pep me up." "Me, too," moaned her friend. "What were you doing?" "Oh, gahd," was the reply, "I Just came from the most awful cocktail cock-tail party." At the Mctropole Cafe folks discussing dis-cussing the pro-and-conference news mentioned that "Frisco" isn't the term San Franciscans prefer when referring to that great city. "Hmmmm," remarked a wag, "whadJaya hear from Joe San Francisco lately?" A San Francisco gazette of the crime - ridden Gold Rush period carried this item: "Some contend t that there are really no laws in force here but the divine law and the law of nature; while oi!,o s J are of the. opinion thai there i laws in force here, if they could nnlv i be found" . . . Newspaper men of ! that day hurled insults both verln lly ' and in print. Some wrote satirical satiri-cal verse. They took sides in political quarrels to the point of fist ', fights and duels. j One editor hung a placard over j his desk, reading: "Subscriptions re- ceived from 9 to 4; challenges from j 11 to ,12 only." j In the course of one of his lec- i ture tours, Mark Twain made a stopover at a small California town. Before dinner he visited the barber shop for a shave. . . . "You're a stranger in town, aren't you?" queried quer-ied the barber. "Yes." Twain replied. "This is my first time here." A "You chose a good time to come,l the barber continued. "Mark Twain is going to lecture tonight. Think you'll be going?" "Oh, I guess so." "Have you bought your ticket? If you haven't, you'll have to stand, 'cause everything Is sold out," warned the barber. "Doggone!" cussed Twain. "I never saw such confounded luckl Every time that fellow lectures, I lave to stand!" A west coast war plant has discovered a unique way of checking absenteeism. A labor-management labor-management committee investigates investi-gates all employes who do not report for work. If It is found that an Individual has been needlessly absent, the following follow-ing payday he receives some Jap currency in his envelope and a note which reads: "The extra money is a bonus sent by the Mikado. It Is Hirohito's personal reward for your failure fail-ure to report for work. He was glad to pay you for not making mak-ing the war materials our soldiers sol-diers need." The mother of a bobbysoxer had a rude awakening the other day. She learned her daughter was no ; longer a child. The daughter's friend had planned a gathering foi a group of youthful sailors, just recently re-cently pressed into the service. When Uie teen-ager was leaving I the house, the mother said, "Have j a good time at the party, dear, and j be a good girl." To which daughter quipped: "Oh, ! mother, make up your mindl" Gelett Burgess edited a magazine ' called "The Lark" in the 90s. One ' of Its famous contributors of non- j sense verse was Carolyn Wells. It ; was In "The Lark" that Burgess-classic, Burgess-classic, "The Purple Cow." ap- I peared, and also this one: "I lov to go to lectures, and make the audience audi-ence stare, by walking 'round upon their heads and spoiling people s hair!" ( Burgess was wise. He ditched the magazine while it was s'.ill thriving, explaining "I wanted it to die young 1 and In its freshness." J |