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Show ! The Legion of j It TheAd-Menl I . . i .... .. I Hear the legend of the Ad-men Ere they conquered all creation. In the Prophylactic forest, On the shores of Coca-Cola Dwelt the Moxies in their wigwams, Old Sapolio, the chieftain, Pebecco, the grizzled prophet, And the warriors, young and eager. In the lodge of the old chieftain, With Uneeda, more tiian mother, And Victrola, old and feeble, Lived the warmest of the maidens, Musterole, Sapolio's daughter, Musterole, the Sunkist Chiclet. All the young men sought her favor, Left their trophies at her wigwam, Brot her Thermos skins for raiment, Brot her Tarvia -for oitment; And sweet Musterole smiled on them, Smiled on Vaseline and Pointer, Smiled on Danderline and Jello, Smiled on Listerine and Valspar, Smiled, but left them unrequited, For her love she gave to no one, Frigidaire alone she gave them. Then from Multibestos mountains, From the tribe Texacos, Came the young chief, Instant Pos-tum, Pos-tum, Mightiest hunter in the forest, All superb in strength and beauty. He it was who trapped the Kodak, He, who shot the great Sears-Roebuck. Eversharp his trusty hatchet, Every Arrow had a Hotpoint. On him gazed the Moxie maidens, Nujol poured her glowing glances, Bold Carbona sought to win him, Zonite brot him luscious Pyrene; But, for Musterole yearned Postum, Thru the fields of ripe Wrheatena Hand in hand the lovers wandered, Seated them upon the White Rock, By the rippling Cuticura, Safe beneath Palmolive shadows From the boughs they picked the Grapenuts, There they saw the s.un descending. Naught cared Postum for the night winds Blowing through the Holeproof forest; for-est; Musterole was there beside him. To his bosom quick he drew her, Held her to his manly bosom, Whisnered words of love a burning. Told her how he'd caught the Seal-pax, Seal-pax, Told her how he'd slain Bull Durham, Told her how he'd trapped. Ampico, Boasted of his father's tepee, With its sides of Mentholatum And its soft rugs of Socony, To him, Musterole aquiver, Listened, and her heart gave answer. All the warmth of love she gave him, Gave her Rubberset affection. Gave her heart to Instant Postum. Thus he won her, thus he took her. Passed the years in quick succession Little Fairies came to bless them. Gold Dust twins and bright B. V. D., Little Beechnut, Wrigley Spearmint, Vici Kid and Pluto Water Filled the wigwam with their laughter. laugh-ter. So they lived in happy union Safe in peace and strong in warfare, And their progeny continues, Finds a place in town and hamlet, Known and loved by every mortal, All the tribes are held in honor. This the legend I have told you. Anon. |