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Show i Learn to Play 'i Lip Golf ? 'j, Br RING LARDNER To the Editor: It takes all kinds of golf players to make a world In the good old summer time, but along about this time .of yr. they's only 2 classes you might say. namely haply marred men and guys that can afford to go South. The 1st named has got a big advantage in many ways. For Inst, they don't half to spend from 1 night to a wk. in one of them new fangle Pullmans witch Borne people Jokelngly calls a sleeping car. I could go on and name a whole lot of other advantages witch a marred man hop got if they was any. On the other hand the bachelors goes South in the winter and can golf all the yr. around and are right on their game when the season opens up north whereas the men with baggage has got to begin all over again every May, and it generally always takes them till the 1st of Nov. to find out wliat is the matter with their game. Well, anyway, last spring I hadn't no more than mastered the nack of getting off the 1st tee In 2 when they was a nation wide clamor for a good reporter to write up the big subjects of the day and I had to spend most of the fall In the rough, namely the World Series out In old Pittsburg and the one out In New York. - The net results was that I didn't really start to begin to commence my golf till the central part of Oct My brother marred men will say yes but what are we going to do about it? Well gents I don't know what you are going to do about it, but personally I have got up a game witch I have named lip golf, and I have tried it out with grand success and wile it don't give a man no physical phys-ical exercise, why it keeps their mind on golf and don't allow them to forget for-get It during the off season and when they start playing again in the spring they have at least got the language at their tongues and don't half to waste 7 or 8 wks. mastering the verbage all over again and it can be played in the house any time of day or night and In all kinds of weather. The rules of lip golf is the foiling: No matter what remarks the wife makes, the husband's replys Is to be given in golf parlance. That's all they is to the rules and anybody can learn it, in one lesson and the best time to try it out Is at a meal. For inst. suppose sup-pose the kiddies has been tucked away for the night in the waste basket and you and the wife has set down to dinner. din-ner. Your part of the foiling conversation conver-sation would be what you might call par lip golf. AN EXHIBITION GAME Wile What train did you come out on? Husband I missed the first two but got home on my third. Wife We caught a mouse this p. m. Husband Did he get into a trap? Wife No. Carrie killed him with a broom. Husband That's a good Carrie. Wife I'm going to get rid of her, though, I'll tell her fve decided to do my own work. Husband A fine lie I Wife Will you have some more bread ? Husband I can't get rid of this slice. Wife No more potatoes or nothing? Husband How is the green?? Wife All gone. I'm sorry. Did you have much lunch? Husband I had a couple of good rolls. Wife we must hire a new chauffeur. chauf-feur. Gus don't never clean the car. Husband Can't drive, neither. ' Wife The garage man says he can get us a good one. Husbandfpretending he has .a cold) Caddy? Wife Yes, you better see him. Husband I hooked one today. Wife Oh, you did 1 Who? . Husband Hazzard. Wife The Bucks' driver? But I thought they paid him $25 a wk. Husband I topped It. 1 Wife But we can't afford It Husband Why not? Wife You can't always win at poker. pok-er. By the way, how much does the boys owe you from last night? Husband Spalding 50, Victor 75 and the Colonel 31. Wife I bet. Victor didn't dast tell his wife. She's a terrible loser. You and her would make a good team. You ought to know her. Husband Oulmet. Wife Oh, that's right. Say, what do you think of them salad forks Ma sent? Husband Stirling? Wife Certainly. They cost $30 a dozen. Husband Evans ! Wife I suppose if I am going to can Carrie I should ought to give her notice. But I'm afraid she would get mad and quit before I could find somebody some-body else. Husband Locker room. Wife You must run upstairs and change your close. We only got 15 minutes. Husband I'll be down in 7. This Is a sample of par lip golf and if the wife knows the game why so much the better as she can make it a 2 some. If she don't why she will I probly think you have went cuckoo 1 and sew you for a bill of divorce. In that case you are as good as a bachelor. bach-elor. But give it a trial anyway. Brother, and If your game Is any wheres near mine why at lease you can't do It no harm. (S by the Bell Syndicate, Inc.) |
