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Show inland BRIGHT INSECTS TED HAD a week's vacation and went to the country for the first time. It was the month for lightning light-ning bugs and mosquitoes. In two days Ted was home again. "What's wrong?" he was asked. "Why are you back so soon?" "I'll tell you," replied Ted, "it's bad enough to have to put up with ordinary mosquitoes, mo-squitoes, but whon they start carrying car-rying lanterns to hunt you, then it' time to get out." PROFESSIONAL ADVICE Two friends met on the street after not having seen each other for some time. One of them was using crutches. "Hello!" said the other man. "What's the matter with you?" "Street-car accident," said the man on crutches. "When did it happen?" "Oh, about six weeks ago." "And you still have to use crutches?" "Well, my doctor says I could get along without them, but my lawyer says I can't." Out of Danger Mr. Newlywed: "Darling; today I insured my life for $50,000 so you will always be provided for." Mrs. Newlywed: "How clever of you, dear. Now you won't have to go to that old doctor anymore." Short Cut Pastor: "Mr. Grump, I have come at the request of your neighbors. neigh-bors. They wish me to help you get the profanity out of your life." Mr. Grump: "Well, sir, let me tell you that the quickest way to do that is to help me get rid of my wife." Hard to Hit Myrt: "Did you try those moth balls I recommended?" Marge: "I sure did, but I think I need to take target practice. I spent the whole evening firing those things, and I didn't down a solitary moth." Painful Reminder Jealous Wife: "Every time you see a pretty girl you forget that you're married." Patient Husband: "On the contrary, con-trary, my dear, there is nothing that makes me more aware of it." All Right With Him Parent: "My boy, if you ever hope to marry my daughter you'd better stop taking her to night clubs." Suitor: "I'm grateful to have you say so, sir. Perhaps you could persuade per-suade her to see it your way." EAST TO PLEASE "We had quite a prominent actor as a guest at our house the other evening." "Gracious! didn't you find it hard to entertain him?" "Oh, no, we just handed him a bunch of photographs and a number num-ber of his own was among them. He amused himself for hours." FIRST SERVED Hilda, the cook, was given a steak, with instructions to prepare pre-pare it for the evening meal. "Mmpf," she sniffed, "this won't go far in the family." At dinner, when the steak was served, it seemed considerably shrunken, and there was not enough for everyone. "What happened to the steak?" Hilda was asked. "I said there wasn't enough," she replied. "Why, as a matter of fact, I'm still hungry." |