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Show TOLD AFTER DINNER ALL KINDS OF NONSENSICAL ANECDOTES GO THEN. "Jones of Belham" a Good Example of What Can Be Done In That Respect New Version of the Fatted Calf. ' r People like nonsense after dinner. They llko anecdotes. The best of anecdotes anec-dotes Is that they need havo nothing to do with the subject. I know a man who keeps nbout half a dozen anecdotes anec-dotes always In stock. He can make one or the other of them fit any particular par-ticular toast. I heard hlui proposo "Tho Atmy nnd Navy." Ho said that some peoplo took a gloomy view of our national defenses. For himself, ho wat an optimist. It was always best to look at tho bright sldo of everything. every-thing. "That reminds me," ho said, "of m.r friend Jones Jones of llclhnm. Mm motto Is that there Is always something some-thing to be thankful for. His wlfo Is not of such a cheerful disposition. She Is often annoyed nt Jones' optimism. "Ono day they wero dining nt a restaurant, res-taurant, and they had placed beforo them a very tough piece of veal. It was an exceptionally tough pleco of veal. " There,' said Mrs. Jones, 'now I think It would puzzle even you to And anything to be thankful for In that pleco of veal.' " 'Not a hit of It,' said Jones, '1 was Just nt that veiy moment thinking how fortunate It was that wo happened hap-pened to meet It when It wns young.' " Somo time afterward I was at another an-other dinner. It was the dinner of a 1 scientific society. This sumo man was present again, nnd he was put up to propose tho toast of "Success to Aerial Navigation." "This Is a tremendous tiuestlon to deal with," ho said, "but wo must make the best of things, and I hopo you will bear with me whllo 1 try to make the best of It. It Is such a tough subject that It reminds mo. of the piece of eal which was once placed beforo my friend Jones Jones of llelham." And out came the story of Jones of IJelhnm again; nnd It was quite a hit. So much so that he followed It up with another. Whereat tho men of sclenco gao encouraging cheers and said "Go on!" for "after dinner" makes the whole woild kin, nnd It Is just ns safe to play with the lions of learning when they linvo been well fed ns with any of tho Inferior animals. ' " 'This enlf, my friends,' said tho preacher, 'was no ordinal y calf. This calf, forsooth, was a fatted calf. And mnrk you, It was no otdlnary fatted calf. This calf, my friends, had been fatted up for years, and years, and years,' " Here Is another dinner story: Two men, who had been dining so well that they could see twice as much as two ordinary men, wero rather Imprudently Imprudent-ly walking home by tho canal bank. Very soon ono of them fell Into tho water. This sobeted him to Bomo extent, ex-tent, nnd he began to yell out at tho top of his voice: "HI hi! Help, help! I can't swim! Help! I can't swim." The other man. who bail gone down on his knees on the hank nnd was trying to steady hliuseir by holding tightly to a tuft of grass; surveyed his struggling friend with a glassy stare. "I can't sh-wlni, either," lie said, "but I don't mako such a b-b-bloomlng fuss nbout It." |