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Show OSCAR'S TAKING FEWER ASPIRINS THESE DAYS . . . I Pact Is Likened to Alcoholics 'Anomnibus' . . . BUT HE'S KEEPING HIS UNIFORM IN MOTHBALLS By H. I. PHILLIPS PURKEY ON ATLANTIC PACT Ex-PFC Oicar Purkey, veteran of the last war, feels better after reading the Atlantic pact, but he still thinks It's smart to keep mothballs moth-balls In his uniform and not swear off canned eggs for life at this point. L "If the world was In its right mind. In fair health and not so Jumpy, this Atlantic pack would ba okay," he writes, "but you got to remember that it is in the same shape as Alcoholics Anomnibus holding a street-corner huddle when a liquor truck turns turtle in full view. "At first I think this Atlantlo pack la not serious on account of It If not accompanied by no news that six blocks along First avenue, New York, Is to be torn down to nixie way for a headquarters," head-quarters," his letter continues, "but I fio.1 It is on the level and the mutter of a official address will be took up later. t "The swell thing about Retting eight out of a dozen nations together like this is that at least it ends the day when they would not go far enough out on a limb to five each other their right phone numbers. They now agree not only to do this, but each one promises to answer the phone, no matter who Is calling or how hot is It. "I am sure the pack is a good thing on account of Henry Wallace and the Dally Worker and Russia is giving it the old eihr. If Henry was for it, 1 would K' pretty suspicious. sus-picious. The way it shapes up to me is that with England, France, Canada, the United States, Belgium Bel-gium and those other nations on my side, I can afford to let Henry stay on the bench. ,. ,. 'I can't qnlte flgnre out what the Atlantlo Pack does to the UN. Everybody says it does nothing serious, but my common com-mon sense tells me you can't have two police departments on the same Job In the same spot without some difficulties here and there. I hope they work okay together In this case, but one of 'em will want the star's dressing room maybe and there Is apt to be some professional Jealousy. If the friction don't start a new war, I will be satis-fled. satis-fled. "All this Atlantic Pack does Is to provide an agreement that all the nations outside the galvanlzed-lron draperies will consult together if any enemy starts playing rough. Personally, when the shooting starts I'd feel nervous If my side were just to confer on the matter. In the next global war, the sneak-puncher sneak-puncher is going to have a awful head-start on the boys who go into a conference first. But I guess our side will find a way to perfect the jet-propelled huddle so that there will be only a few seconds of elapsed time between the attack and the answer. "The western nations In this Pack may seem a little too gentlemanly for comfort in a global crisis, but it looks to me like this time they are with Stonewall Webster or Kayo Henry or whoever it was that said we have got to hang together or wire the newsreels men to photograph photo-graph us all hanging separately. Anyhow, the news about this Atlantic Atlan-tic pack has done me some good. I ain't taking so many aspirin." Cuff Stuff "Boys Wear Reported Off This Winter."-Headllne ... And the girls seems to be overdoing it a bit, too. Railroad trains are now being made so glamorous and comfortable comfort-able that it is pretty distressing. A fellow is compelled to travel all the way out of town and back without getting a decent chance to develop a mood of deep irritation. Shudda Haddim Is sick again. This time it's over the fact a horse called "Day" won at Gulfstream at $23.40. "I would of had him," he weeps, "except when I'm looking at 'em In the paddock somebody starts humming 'Day is done.'" Alaska proposes to tax women who do not get married. In those cold climates, it pays to be realistic. |