OCR Text |
Show ! ; THAT REMINDS ME-- She meditated with growing anger. Suddenly she grasped a bottle of Hair-ine Hair-ine and hurling it across the room, shrieked: "Ha: The dye is cast!" Princeton Tiger. 4 Rita Why is Mr." Kodak so glum looking? -. ' ' . Nita He and Eleanor have just come out tf the dark-room, where he his evidently developed, a negative?" Princeton Tiger. . Hubble What we are going to do for fuel this winter I don't know. Wifie We can burn our piano. It is old fashioned, anyway.. Hubble There isn't enough wood in it to last a week. Wifie Why, hubbie, dear! There are chords and chords in it. Sphinx. 'I hear you were cutting up capers last summer." "Yes. I worked in a pickle factory.' Princeton Tiger. Easily Parted. "He is quite bald, I understand." "Almost. He has just two whisps of hair left." "Indeed?" "Yes; and he calls one wisp 'the fool' and the other 'his money.' " Couldn't Cover It Up. "I'm sure I can't imagine why you compare so unfavorably at school with other girls of your age. Frances," said mamma .to her small daughter. "You have intellect enough." "I think it's this way, mamma," Frances explained, "Ignorance shows so plainly on me." -S Teacher All things that can be seen through are transparent. Now,' Johnny, John-ny, can you mention something that is transparent? Johnny Yes, ma'am. A keyhole. S- Mistress Poor, darling, little Topsy! I'm afraid she will never recover. Do you know, Bridget, I think the kindest kind-est thing would be to have her shot 1 and put her. out of her" misery! j Bridget 'Deed, ma'am, I wouldn't do ! that. Sure, she might get better, after all, an' then ye'd be torry ye'd had her killed! Punch. Nerved Up. Gladys That poor young Snobleigh actually dared to kiss me! What could he have been thinking of? Ethel His debts, probably! Puck. Farmer (wearing long boots) Hey. sonny! D'ye want tew shine 'em fer a dime? Bootblack (looking them over) How-far How-far up? ' I Anxious Wife What do you think of my husband's case? Is it serious? Physician Oh, he'll pull through all right. What he needs is rest, so I have prescribed an opiate. Anxious Wife How often shall I give it to him? Physician Don't give it to him at all; take it yourself. Mrs. Newed What are those purple things? Dealer Eggplants, ma'am. Mrs. Newed Oh, how lovely! I'll take two and set them in our back yard. Do they bear fresh eggs all the year round? "What," says an inquisitive young lady, "is the most popular color for a bride?" We may be a little particular in these matters, but we should prefer a white one. Mrs. Rubba How's Mrs. Chatter this morning, doctor? Doctor Suffering terribly. Mrs. Rubba What! With only a slight throat affection? Doctor Yes, but she can't speak. ' The Other Side. "Knowing my husband's tendency to gossip," said Mrs. Strongmynd, "I never tell him anything I am not willing will-ing everybody should know." $- i "A penny for your thoughts," said Miss Diehl. "Aw aw, now, really, I I " "Not worth a penny? Ah, well, if you think I'll be cheated, I'll withdraw the offer!" Mrs. Justwed This is excellent cake. Did you get the recipe out of a book? Mrs. Newwed No; I got it out of my head. Mrs. Justwed No wonder it is so light. Waitress (at qui''k lunch stand) Did vou want to eat this sandwich here or take it with you? Gentleman Both. "What do you think of this scheme of telenrraohinef without wires? "That's nothing new. My wife has kicked my shins under the table for twenty years." . " Doctor You want exorcise. Invalid But. doctor, lm a postman. Doctor Then- you need rest join tne police force. Usher Will the lady please remove her bonnet? Aunt 'Rachel I will not. When I ta!e off this bonnet, young man, the hair goes with it. You go on 'tending to your ush-Ing, ush-Ing, and don't trouble yourself about me. Customer (at restaurant) Can I see the proprietor. Waiter Very sorry, sir, but he's judt stepped out to lunch. Fiisser-r-t.'p at Welksley you can't call on a jfirf after 9:3i). Cusser Gee! They must be a lot of curfew cur-few belles. "Is your wife ever soeecliless with Indignation?" In-dignation?" "She says she Is, but I have reason to doubt it." J "I think your picture heavenly," The pushing maiden cried. The artist answered bitterlv: "Pernaps that's why 'twas skyed." |