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Show SOMETIHNG NEW. Archie Most men arc fools. uaroia les; you have plenty of company. Carrie Don't be rash. Sophie 1" can't help it. Carrie Well, why. Sophie I have the measles. Jim Why don't you marry? Will Can't afford it. Jim But marry a rich girl. Will She can't afford it. Clark Jones inherited all his taienti from his mother.' White at that he will never be as goud a man as she m. Customer Are your terms hard? Tailor Well, rather. Customer What are tliev" Tailor Cath. Wif'ey 1 shall go right koine to my mother. Hubby Do you mean ;t? Wifey I certainly do. Hubby Here is car faie. Tom I hear Johnson is sick. Je Yes: he is in charge of a trainee'. ! nurse. Tom How is he getting along'.' ! Joe Oh. I hear he is engaged. Maud Women should be made to cease getting off the cars backward. j Hazel Still. I know an easier way. i Maud What is that? " ! Hazel Turn the car? inside out. ! . - . i i Claude He may be t ?reat editor. but he is no judge of poetry. i Percy How do you know? Claude I sent him some and he rc- turned it. . j Henry How is ytur watch? I want to set mine. Gus It is almost human. Henry So reliable? Gus Seldom tells the truth. Harry I wish I had a rich uncle. ' Paul I have ore;. Harry How delightful. ! Paul He has thirteen children of his own. Barney He has no use for that doctor. doc-tor. Larry What is the matter? Braney Went to him to get some- i 1-1 111 T mats Vi,-,-.. Larry Couldn't the doctor give him j anything? j Barney Yes: he prescribed sawing j woou. Teacher Oh. my: what a clean little i boy you are this morning: j Bobby Yes, ma'am. It's only S j o'clock. .J : i Jack That doctor examined me and said my heart was beating at the rate of one hundred and fifty per minute. Dick Well, he is the worst circulation circula-tion liar I have ever heard of. Bachelor It is my opinion that marriage mar-riage is a failure. . Minister You are decidedly wrong. My last month's wedding fees enables me to support my wife for a year. City Sportsman Say, stranger, will I get any shooting around here? Native Xo: I guess folks won't go so far as to shoot you. There was a fellow here last week in funnier clothes than you, and he got away. Frank Some men never marry. George Xo: they are too wise. Frank Is that it? I thought-George thought-George What? Frank That it was the girls that were wise of them. Luckidog I found a blank envelope containing six dollars, and I can't find the owner by advertising. Lawyer For my counsel in the matter, mat-ter, you can turn the money over to me as my fee. Belle Did you have something to say to me? Horace Yes. Will you marry me? Belle I like your nerve. Horace Glad you do. It In the only thing I have. "The pretty stenographer unlocks many a man's heart." "No wonder. Just think of the keys she has." Kansas City Times. |