Show u I what ob b I d. d thinks about The Social Register I ANTA MONICA CALIF S SANTA Those who warm their soL aristocratic hands at the social so so- social comfort cial register take from the latest issue of that I priceless volume It seems I that if it a well-born well lady weds I Ia a night night club playboy with ahead a ahead ahead head suitable for a handle on ona onn ona a n dollar umbrella she stays put But Dut If she Is married to a genuine genuine gen gen- gentleman such as Gene Tunney Tun Tun- ney is or a gifted I orchestra I leader e a d e r. r such as Eddie DuchIn Duch Duch- In out she goes I The c charming h arm J n g granddaughter of a aI poor Irish Immigrant immigrant I grant qualifies as an entry which is asIt as asit it should be in any language But when she takes for a husband husband hus hus- band the son lion of a poor Jewish Irvin S S. S Cobb I I grant whose blemish blemIsh blemish blem blem- ish is that hes he's a professional song songwriter writer writer and and one of the greatest song songwriters songwriters songwriters writers alive aUve her name is scratched oft off the sacred scroll I j Yet what's what'll an old family but a I family that advertises that its it's old And what is society except a lot of people who keep proclaiming that they are society until the rest of ofus ofus ofus us believe them Protecting Human Game FOR OCR the preservation of the lessening lessening less less- ening wild fowl the government government govern govern- ment merit stands pat by its ruling that ducks may no longer be lured to hunting grounds which have been baited batted for them and then bagged But Dut one shudders what would happen hap bap happen pen to Wall street if it practically the same system now In vogue for garnering garnering garnering gar gar- nering in the human game was ever abolished on on the stock exchange Still why not leave well enough alone If It there was no margin gambling available for cleaning the poor things they'd bet their money on horse racing or the old Spanish Spanish Spanish Span Span- ish prisoner game or something Liberty League Marriages es TilE THE rotogravure sections reveal that they've just opened a fresh crate of du Pants Fonts too late to qualify qualify fly for membership In the Liberty League because the Liberty League alas is dead of but in ample time to fill flU up the background at the approachIng approach- approach Ing marriage of the Presidents President's fine tine fineson son Bon Franklin Delano Jr and a charming daughter of the royal family of Delaware That's one wedding where the ushers will do well to see that the families are seated in separate pews during the ceremony because somebody might tactlessly be reminded reminded re re- minded of little things that came up during the heat of the late campaign cam cam- Otherwise In the customary regalia regalia re- re regalia re re- galia of shad bellied coats and striped trousers it will be difficult to distinguish a champion of the rights of the great common people from an entrenched wretch of the ruggedly individualistic group High hats bats and neat spats make all men equal equal and and make some lome of them homelier Playing the Ponies Pontes RACING ACING starts soon out in Holly wood and the stars and star tar ines ine may have to make their pictures pic pie tures tunes between events at Santa Anto AnIta Anita Ani AnI- An- An ta to because they'll have absolutely no time for fiddling around studios To risk my modest wagers on Im I'm looking for a horse named Virginia Virginia Vir Vir- ginia Creeper or else Trailing Arbu Arbu- Then when I lose as 81 I always do ao I cant can't say lay my choice wasn't appropriately named If It I had a bet on Paul Reveres Revere's nag Paul never would have made that famous ride of his Somewhere between Concord and Lexington a constable would have bave pinched him for blocking the highway I often wonder where the foot sore toot sore plugs I get tips on really hall hail from It cant can't be a racing stable Maybe I yea yes yell Im I'm sure aura that's that'll right I they're exhausted refugees refugee from a a wee a wee Future Inventions CELEBRATING CELEBRATING the hundredth anniversary of the rho American patent system the assembled re research research reo re- I search sharps declare that among the boons to mankind promised us In to the near future by our native inventive geniuses we lICe the following following follow follow- ing Clothes made out of glass with curtains I 1 hope dope for those of us who are more than six years year old Whisky aged Instantly by powerful power power- ful sound waves But who has haa thought of suitable relief relict for those who also will be aged Instantly by drinking said sold whisky Rats grown Irown as 81 big as 81 cows by powerful sound waves U I can hardly hardly hard hard- ly wait walt for the happy day when we may afford a family rat the size afar of a Jersey cow IRVIN S. S COBB Conn i Cw Service Senin |