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Show A CANDIDATE'S GRIEF. Now that campaigns are warming up, it may be as good a time as any to republish the experience of an Arkansas Ar-kansas candidate for sheriff, which has been going the rounds for several years. The story has gathered various and sundry additions in its march down the corridors of time, the latest version ver-sion being as follows: "Lost four months and 20 days canvassing; can-vassing; lost 1,360 hours of sleep thinking about the election; lost 40 acres of corn and a crop of sweet potatoes; po-tatoes; lost two front teeth and a lot of hair in personal combat with an opponent; donated one beef, four shoats and five sheep to barbecues; gave away two pairs of suspenders, five calico dresses, five dolls and 13 baby rattles; kissed 126 babies; kindled kin-dled 14 kitchen fires; put up eight stoves; cut 14 cords of wood; carried 24 buckets of water; gathered seven wagon loads of corn; pulled 475 bundles bun-dles of fodder; walked 4,060 miles; shook hands 9,080 times; told 10,001 lies and talked enough to make 1,000 volumes; attended 26 revival meetings; meet-ings; was baptized four times by immersion im-mersion and twice by sprinkling; contributed con-tributed $50 to foreign missions; made love to nine grass widows and got dog bit 19 times and then got defeated!" |