OCR Text |
Show LAMENTATIONS. (With apologies to King James, Joseph Smith and Arthur Copp.) Now in the days of the great King Ted there dwelt in the land of the river Jordan which fioweth into the Dead sea, a tribe of republicans' republi-cans' who conducted their politics in .their own dum, dum, dummy way. And ho that was mightiest amongst them inas-much inas-much as he was chosen to sit in the synagogue syna-gogue at the capital with his feet on the desk was a tall ecclesiastic from the sainted town of Provo. And it came to pass that glad tidings of great joy were promulgated in all the region roundabout, round-about, even from Tooele to Kamas, inasmuch as one mighty and strong, arose from the midst of his brethren. And verily his name was John Queer Critchlow and it came to pass that he gathered unto him one of a city and two from Ogden who hearkened unto his voice crying, "John Q., what wouldst thou do?" And behold, he girded up his loins and called a meeting and spoke right out in it, saying among other things: "Fellow Citizens, wherefore where-fore is there lamentation throughout the valleys val-leys of the mountains? Verily I say unto you It is because of the previous pre-vious assininity of our brethren in convention assembled likewise in legislative session. For behold and lo, they have sent to the synagogue syna-gogue a Reuben who eats with his knife and says "Between you and I," and who knows not how to draw a bill or anything else but his salary. And of course on account of thess things one cup of bitterness is rapidly reaching the brim. But the time approacheth to send another to the synagogue, yet ye learn not prudence, neither are ye wise In your generation. For even now the henchmen and the handmaidens handmaid-ens of this same tall disciple are at work while ye sleep constructing fences and pitfalls pit-falls for the unwary. Wherefore, I say unto ye, if ye want no more of the high ecclesiast and his fragrant followers, follow-ers, oven Jimmy the fussy and Curly the Cal-listor Cal-listor and Kinky the Booth and William the Spry. Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party. Wherefore, rouse ye Mormons, Mor-mons, rouse ye slaves. Let us rip something up the back. For verily the time is ripe for a second upharsln, yea oven a new and specially designed handwriting hand-writing on the- wall." So saying the eloquent John Q. finished his oration ora-tion and it came to pass there were shouts and murmurs in the gathering, some saying yea and some I'll be doggoned, but the wise sheep hearkened to the voice of their shepherd. shep-herd. And the handwriting on the wall was taken down and dusted and behold it spelled, "Eny, mony, miny, mo " And this is the interpretation of the thing: Eny The tall sycamore of the Wasatch has been weighed in. the balance and found wanting re-election. Meriy -Our kingdom alided and we cannot afford to let th .ted Americanos slip into control. Miny Wo have been leaning upon a broken Reed. Mb Wherefore let us put rollers under him. And the wise men gave Critch a dinner and they painted tho Wilson scarlet while round his neck ho wore a ypllow ribbon. And they made a proclamation concerning him that he should be third assistant adjutant general with tho rank of major. And that night the hopes of the senior senator were slain. And the cock wept thrice and Fussy went out and crew bitterly. |