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Show I- ' iHHl IT COSTS TO STEAL SERMONS, i J jSji "My uncle," said 'Hank Elwood, the j !tffi Sailor-, "js a minister, a Baptist min- : ,Bi istcr. Hq was talkin' to me one day j 1 Hi$ about stolen sermons. He says no if.'iS; ihinistcr actually starts out to- steal a I ' lift- sermon: The thing works itself ! , mm around like this: 1 j.Kgj " The minister gets a lazy fit on j Ww6 him, don't prepare any discourse for the cOmin' Sunday, and on Sunday : ' mornin' carries into the pulpit the ser- jtjlW mon of another-chap, intendin' to read ; ; ' it, and afterward to say it ain't his'n, f jj k but So an' So's. See? hi A 'But the flesh, hang it all, is weak, i , : i He reads the other chap's sermon and ; j 'mm it makes a hit, a regular sensation. ' ' He can sec the congregation sayin' to jljf one another with their eyes: "He's 'll improvin', ain't he? Didn't think he 0 , Li -had it in him.' And the poor feller's 3lt , vanity gets the upper hand. He don't M l say nothin' about the sermon's be- , J I longing to So and So. And thus, you ii sce, it becomes a swiped sermon. ; ffl I "Uncle is a mighty dry preacher. I M 1 But at least he don't swipe his ser- j'ffl nons. He used to, though. He got i scaredby what he called a special dis- M $ pensati'on. A special rough dispensa- f 1 tion, I'd call it; 1 "m I "One Sunday he was lazy and v ; I grabbed up a volume of sermons, and, v t s entering the pulpit, he opened the (i , jij book at random and pitched in. 1 J "As he preached away on this here stolen sermon he seen that he had r Jj never read it before. It was a mighty i i L'V' good sermon, though. The congrega- , if j"! tion looked mighty interested. 1 m "And then, all of a sudden, Uncle H I wished the earth would swallow him ' jiff I up. For right in the middle of a para- M I graph he found himself prcscntin' a I ujB I marble drinkih' fountain to the town if , jfflBjt 1 "Uncle couldn't afford it, though, ii ' ' Ww "Uncle avoided stolen sermons for i 1 lm f ; three mpiths after that. Then his ' ' Ml salary was raised $100 raised they I I 'If i to'd n,'mj pn account of his goodness I mw in donatin' the fountain to the town, i , r fj "And on another lazy Sunday he i '! I,' . ' preached another sermon he hadn't, read over previous. This ' wa a beautiful piece, but kind of sad, kind of mushy, and, by crinusl the further on it went the sadder and mushier it got, till at the end my terrified uncle heard himself a-rcadin' these here words: "'And now, .brethren, sisters, farewell. fare-well. Today I leave the cliurch forever. for-ever. For I find, alasl that "the pastoral pas-toral life is too severe for my constitution. consti-tution. I have not robust health. Farewell!' J"Uncle loved that there charge of his'n. But the stolen scrrribn had made him resign, and he was. compelled com-pelled to go. He was in debt $200 for the drinkin' fountain, and he hadn't a. cent saved up. He lived on his father-in-law a year before he got another charge. '"He's never stolen any more sermons ser-mons since. "iN. Y. Tplegraph. |