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Show PRANKS OF THE TANKS. "Say," said the grafter, as he grappled with a pony of Uncle Tom, "I've saw people plenty to de rushes wid de grape, but dis city of Zion foinishes de completest line of tanks I ever seen outside of de vaudeville. Dey're not strong on de mix, but dey coitainly swing round heavy on de rye. "You know when them Capo Nome breezes was flourishing de odder night. Well, I come in for a mild coiculator, juat as a doctor, de name, as de newspapers says, is suppressed, was forging forg-ing out between de foldin' doors. He was listed at a angle dat would make you seasick. I starts for me domestic fireside at a little off de twelve mark, and passing down de alley I sights someone sitting like a pelican wid his feet stuck. It was de doc. And say he went down in a pool of chasers, and you can believe dis or not, but de water had frozen before he could get up and I has to come down here for a hatchet and chop him out. I guess dat wasn't getting a cold deal wid frills. Yes, tanks, a little more of de same for me. "Well, I fought dat was about de limit till I sees a big sheep man crossing Main street considerable con-siderable spectacular de odder night. De wool must 've fbeen in his gigs good. While I waits to see de finish he collides wid a telegraph pole. Say, what do you suppose he done? He just t'rowed his hat on de ground, peels his coat and goes to dat pole wid de finest line of short hooks and uppercuts I ever seen outside of de ring. It took tree of us to pull him off. And, say, When he gets his hands bandaged he starts coising again and says he can lick dat big stiff any time at catch weight. Yes, I'll take one more of de same wid bitters. "Say, dis high altitood coitenly does lead to drinking." & v A Walking Delegate has lately been prowling aiound the mining camps in the interests of the Miners' Union. His" latest visitation was at Alta, where every miner is contentedly negotiating the pick and drill and where the lowest salary paid is $3.00 a day. The walking pest desires these men to join the union, and threatens dire things if they do not consent. The little mining camp was pestered with glaring glar-ing posters on which in bold relief was the Interrogatory, Inter-rogatory, "Is Liberty Dead ?" which meant that liberty lib-erty was bruised and battered beneath the feet of the contented non-union workmen. Liberty certainly cer-tainly was not dead In Alta; otherwise this pestilential pesti-lential phantom of discontent would have been hurled down the yawning shaft of one of the mines H where the peaceful laborers were at work. Still H his threats and shrieks of liberty were partially H effective, and forty men signed the1 union charter. &H The infection might have gone still further under H the lashings of his demigogulc eloquence had not H the superintendents of the various mines inter- H vened. H Now, as a result of the invasion of the walk- fl ing agitator, thirty of the forty men who joined fl the union have been laid off, and are holding &fl nightly consolation meetings, at which they try to wfl keep warm by hugging the union charter. That is what follows the intrigues of this walking ba- fl cillus. He is now working among the employes at fl the Murray smelters. H Heinrich Heine once announced that his dream D of bliss supernal was to wake up some morning H and see six of his choicest enemies hanging on M the elm tree which was visible from his dormer M window. To the vision of the modern student of M industrial mishaps among the laboring millions, M no view could be looked upon with more holy M joy than that of innumerable forests, w(th the ' M foim of a walking delegate pendant from every M limb. H tv v 5 H The American numericals do not germinate M well in the Teutonic mind. 'So thinks a well- M known Salt Lake society hombre who recently M hired a German girl of buxom form to dominate M the affairs 'of his household. M "Call me always at a quarter after seven," t M was his first injunction. He was a gentleman of ' M very regular habits, was the hombre. M He was called the next morning at twenty-flva i M minutes after the hour by a tumultuous demon- I M stration at the dormer door. He was slightly M wrathful at being summoned ten minutes later I , M than ,usual, but made no criticism for fear of , H losing his Germanic indispensible. The same thing occurred the next day and the next. Event- ually he considered it safe and opportune to ex- , H postulate. H "Why don't you call me," he asked the domes- B tic, "at quarter after seven, instead of twenty-five B minutes after." H A smile seraphic suffused the features of H Gretchen. H "Vat!" said she, "I haf called you at a quar- H ter, no? Twenty-five iss a quarter, aind't it?" B And now the hombre is content to arise when- ' H ever Gretschen seeth fit to start the tumult. j B |