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Show Page 9 AUGUST 10,2006 THE GARFIELD COUNTY INSIDER tile lAuGMNg pOfNt!! INTERESTING STATS? Consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq Theatre of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2112 Deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000. The firearm death rate in Washington D.C. Is 80.6 per 100,000 for the same period. That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U.S. capital city, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq. Conclusion : The U.S. Should immediately pull out of Washington. BLOOD RACE EGGPLANTS The junior officers challenged the senior officers at an Air Force Base in North Carolina to see who would donate the most blood. After trying several times to locate a vein in the left arm of a young first lieutenant, the medical technician applied a Band-Aid, and then inserted a needle into the right arm, drawing blood this time, and then put a Band-Aid on that arm as well. As he left the collection facility, the lieutenant passed a colonel. Noting the two bandages, he looked afthe first lieutenant and shook his head, saying, "I knew you young guys would find some way to cheat." A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 250 each — three for a dollar." AH day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't beridiculous!I should get four for a dollar!" Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going tofixthe mistake on your sign?" "What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant." MCDONALDS The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party. The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into, the house frowning. At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?" "Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously. Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car." Driving through Oklahoma, my husband and I went out of our way to stop at what was billed as the largest McDonald's in the world. However, we were less than thrilled when an employee addressed everyone over the intercom: "Attention, world's largest McDonald's customers." TREE PROBLEM Last October my wife bought a magnolia tree from the local nursery, but after only a few weeks the leaves shriveled. It appeared to be on its last legs. My wife took some leaf samples and marched into the nursery to demand an explanation. "I know exactly what's wrong with your magnolia," said the manager. "Good," said my wife. "What's it suffering from?" "Autumn," he replied. ZOO TRIP CAR PRIVILEGES FIDDLE WITH THESE KIDDLES? *1 What the first man-made object to break the sound barrier? Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and #Q Four men were in a boat on the lake. pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into tak- The boat turns over, and all four men sink to the bottom of the lake, yet not a ing him. "So how was it?" his mother asked single man got wet! Why? when they returned home. #3 Which is correct to say, The yolk "Great," Little Johnny replied. of the egg are white' or.'The yolk of "Did you and your father have a good the egg is white'? time?*' asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy really liked it," exi ei6u!stoupuBp8UJBuj||B9jaMA9ifl9snK>3a claimed Little Johnny excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!" CHURCH-HOUSE CHINA I'd like to introduce you to the humble chowhall tray. Us older fellers knew them well, In our military stay. Ye always got three squares a day, served up In the 6.1. fashion, Unless we were far away from base, munchln' on cold C-ratlons. The chowhall tray now feeds the flock at congregation dinners. Some call it church-house china. Whatever, it's a winner. The slot along the edge here holds your knife and fork and spoon. You want to have them handy, 'cause you'll be eatln'soon, And having It right there at that edge Is really not so dumb. Your tools won't fall on the floor when you hold 'cm with your thumb I always save the biggest hole for 'taters, meat and gravy, A technique I perfected as a young lad in the Navy. The vegetables go clear up top. That's likely where they'll stay. If you get lots of spuds you don't need veggies anyway. The other bin up top Is where I mostly put dessert. It might get gravy on ft, but that don't really hurt. Your salad goes In a small round hole, soaked with lots of dressing, But don't spill dressing on your cake. That Is distressing. The other round hole's where you put your water, or fruit punch. Relief societies serve fruit punch for supper. Also lunch. When you have eat you take your glass, and utensils, and the tray, And store them in a cute cloth bag, until next holiday. The way I see, that humble tray ain't really worth too much, Unless it's full of jello-salad, and gravy and spuds and such. others by Ray Conrad are available on CD or by book. U'l This poem and You can order one by calling 836-2042 TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: I am a Bosie, Idaho resident formerly from Salina, Utah who has enjoyed the Utah out-of-doors all of my life. In the past six years, I have spent approximately three days per year enjoying the Dixie National Forest's McGath Lake. I consider it one of the most beautiful places on earth and by far the best brook trout fishery in the United States. It has come to my attention, through reputable sources, that there may be plans to breach the dam at McGath Lake (which is located on the south side of Boulder Mountain). I was startled to find out, as were other people who love the reservoir, that there are plans to breach the dam. I love the reservoir and appreciate its beauty. I, along with hundreds of other individuals, am very concerned with these plans which appear to have been proposed without public imput. I would ask the United States Forest Service and the Bureau of Reclamation the following questions: 1. Have you completed environmental studies showing the effect that is will have on McGath Lake's wetlands? 2. Have you contacted and consulted the Division of Wildlife Resources regarding the effect it would have on the fisheries? 3. Have you contacted sportsmen and other communities that depend on this fishery for recreation? 4. Was this decision made independent of the above-mentioned entities? I would strongly advise that you start by obtaining public comment and inform Tax Season is Coming! communities that would be impacted by Full or part time jobs your decision. Breaching the dam is such available to best students. a dramatic move that would not only ruin We need you to learn McGath Lake, but would effect sportsIncome Tax Preparation. men, community economics, andfishand H&R Block is fame, not to mention the delicate biothe #1 Tax Training Firm logic environmental situation at McGath in the country. Lake. Call 676-8326 I hope you will reconsider your decifor more information. sion before it is to late. Sincerely, Randall D. Burr, M.D. |
