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Show HORSE 1 hard-hearte- d - Where Hell Come In. What He Had Learned. Whp arent poo earin', Bobby Jones I suppose you know more "I wont be hongrp few half an hour about that hone you got of Deacon yet- Smith laat week than when you made "Well be through dinner bp that the trade? rime. Brown Tea, and I know a lot more No, you wont pooll just about be about Deacon Smith now than I did then. gettln to the pie. r basement John groped hla. way, half awake, to the wall, and bawled down the later:. You Infernal scoundrel, he said, after you have satisfied yourself that theres nothing worth stealing down there will you please push in the upper damper rod of the furnace? I forgot to do It. Then he crawled back into bed again. e MM MMM M M M M MM MM MMM Bide Lights on History. The great Chinese wall had been' completed. Of course, It wont last forever, said the builder, but by the time Jt becomes n. g. we shall depend on the boxers and the boycott to keep the foreign devils out Feeling that in any emergency he could rely upon Mr. Wu to make things unpleaMnt for the rascally Americans, he Mt down and ordered a plate of chop suey. The Practical Maid. George always puts things In a business way. Yesterday he accused me of tempting him to spend so much of his affection on me that now he is a bankrupt In love. What did you reply? Oh, I turned him over to pa for examination in supplementary proceed' ings. Leading Up to It I thought you said you would never call a child of yours after any groat A Literary Regret man? ; Yon do not take much interest In' Well, I literature, said the intellectual young But you have given him the same woman. name of your bear. Yes, I do," answered Mr. Cumrox. After that it was easy, of course, to As a business man I have the highest make the touchy respect for it What I object to is seew ing so many people who are compeOften. , advertiser tent to write first-clas-s Aramlnta (exhibiting the. family ments wasting their rime on books cherub) Is there anything 'sweeter and magazine articles. than a baby? Young Spoonall Why, I sometimes In Duo Form. -think a babys elghteen-yearol- d sister new bookkeeper) Proprietor (to Is Just a . little er Chicago Young man, I heard you swearing at American. the way your predecessor kept the books, and I may as well tell you that A Step Forward. I dont like profanity and wish to I see where the Hasty Pudding of no more hear it club proposed an amateur farce. New Bookkeeper I beg your par "Thats a big improvement Most don, Mr. Trott I was merely or amateur hasty puddings produce office. taking the oath'll tragedies. -- Crafty. Mrs. Phamley has so Mrs. Ascum many children I dont see how she manages to get them all looking so neat and clean every afternoon." Mrs. Hewitt Well, shes a shrewd Just before it's time to manager. dress them for dinner she lets them blow soap bubbles. In that way they wash themselves. Mixture Recommended Was Effective, but for Soma Strange Reason Roommate Was In an Extremely Bad Temper In ths Morning. When the landlady asked the bookkeeper In the third story front room If be would object to a roommate he said he didn't think he'd mind It just so the other fellow didn't snore. The landlady promised to be very careful and question all callers closely on that point It was two weeks before she found any one whom she thought nice enough to share the room with the bookkeeper. The newcomer was a dapper little fellow who has hla trousers creased every other . The Fair Sex. Knlcker Women are inconsistent Bocker Yes; the same one who excuses her son with boys will be boys won't let her husband be one of the boys. A Degree of Existence. Hewitt You live at a boarding house, I believe? Jewett You flatter me when you say live." QUITE IMPORTANT. portrait of my wife, eh? like. Isnt it? Crittlck Oh, yes, but it isnt exactly what youd call a speaking likeness, do you think? Peckham Of course, It Is, else how could it be lifelike? At the Conclusion. Homagau He told me- - about this time laat year that he had arrived at the conclusion that a trip to Europe would do him good. Holmes Yes, and hes there yet Homagan In Europe? Holmes No; where he had arrived when you hw him. In England Have Bean Under-- , ground 2,000 Years. A wonderful relic of the past has been brought to light at Yaxley, Peterborough, in the discovery of what Is most probably a buried forest. At a depth of seven feet have been found a number of oak trees which have lain buried for some 8,000 years. Most of the trees are almost perfect In condition, and are being, sold to furniture manufacturers and others. Altogether about eighty trees have been raised, and hundreds more are left In the ground untouched at a depth of five or six feet. In neuly all the cases the roots are found at tached. The trees are In dusters of three or four, pointing In different directions, and In some Instances they lie across each other. The wood la extremely hard, and can only be worked by machinery; it turns the edge of an axe. Some of the trees are being cut up for use in the mysterious mansion which is being built for Mr. Astor. London Chronicle. qvMN.NO-Kjor- g. Good morning, Mrs. Stubbins. Is your husband home? Stubbins Es 'ome, sir; but 'es Parson How is It that he didn't come to church on Sunday? Yon know must have our hearts In the right place. Mrs. Stubbins Lor sir, 'Is earts all right. Its Is trowsers. Parson Mrs. we d. Wanted Univereal Peace. Where Was ths Harm. Adaptability. Perkins has separated from his I observe that you have persuaded Here, sir! shouted Popley at his take that cigar stump out wife and gone to live in bachelor your constituents to think as you do. apartments. Thats how it looks, announced of your mouth. How dare you? What did he do that for? Why, when you throwed It away 1 8enator Sorghum, but as a matter He Mid he couldnt live without with done was to replied it," have you I of fact thought persuaded myself some of the comforts of home. Life. fhink m most of my constituents do.' the youngster, with a surprised air. Slmplidity. Financially Speaking. Unconscious of Error. Our dads were a lot of mosabacks, Miss The word sterling as Wise don't fellows of Some you Tippler applied to English money seems to be werent they? know when youve got enough. 'Deed they were. Why, those old because lost In obscurity. Hie that's Boozlelgh Mr. Short Yes, and so Is the word chaps used to actMlly think that the when weve got enough we don't know Black Crook was Indecent money, as far as I am concerned. anything. Boston Transcript . JOKE ON HIS FATHER. Son Implied Sirs Was Timing Deration of Bath. n S. 8. Beadle, the and piano dealer of this city, and his son Karl, a 'cellolst, now in Boston, went fishing near Chesham, N. H., In Silver lake. They procured a boat went out a considerable distance, anchored, and began to fish In feet of water. The about twenty-fiv- e fish bit well, and father and son got excited. The father got hold of a good-sizewell-know- It Was Not an Infant Snore, but mu-alcla- n d d . Globe-Democra- She 0AKt Fully Developed, Mighty Snore, day and who was In all respects the quintessence of cleanllneM. The two youug men got pretty well acquainted the first evening and the bookkeeper thought he should like his companion immensely. Before morning he changed his mind. He knew he should hate him. The roommate snored. It was not an Infant anon, but a fully developed, mighty snore, such as he had never heard In all hla varied experience. He spoke about It while they were dressing. Snored, did I? said the room mate. "That's funny. Nobody, ever told me about it before. "Maybe you have never slept In the Mme room with anybody? Oh, yes, I have; lots of times. 1 tell you, I don't think It Is natural it for me to do that. I think last night because Ive got a bad cold." The bookkeeper accepted that explanation and both men set to work to cure the cold. At the end of a Week there wasnt a trace of It left, but the snoring continued at a more lively rate than ever. The bookkeeper complained again. The roommate was very nice about It. He Mid be How Long Have You Been Gone? deeply regretted his affliction, and if fish and had conalderable trouble anybody could recommend anything landing him. that was good for snoring hed be While, he wm struggling to make willing to take It and aBk no ques- sure of the fish, his son rushed to tions, no matter wbat it was. That the Mme side of the boat to assist, night the bookkeeper brought home a causing the father to be tipped Into newspaper clipping which he had run the lake. He went down ten or fifacross in the course of the day. teen feet, and came up all right As If people who snore would take a he arrived at the surface his son tablespoonful of cayenne pepper and caught him and pulled him back Into a tablespoonful of olive oil before re- the boat. tiring they will find the mixture a After the father had got seated he positive cure for snoring. pulled out hla watch, thinking it That wm the gist of the paragraph. might not have waterproof cases, but After dinner the bookkeeper went to the son, who wm in a jolly frame of tbe drug store and bought a plentiful mind, asked: How long have you supply of both ingredients. Boston Herald. been father? gone, I tell you what it Is,- - he Mid, If a little of when he came back. Chickens Locked on Perch. anything is good, a whole lot of It Chickens and other birds, roosting ought to be still better. Instead of at night on a perch no bigger than a taking two tablespoonfuls of this mix- lead pencil, never fall off. Do you ture you ought to double the dose." know why? Mid a farpier. Notwithstanding his promised doThe tendon of a roosting birds cility the roommate demurred a lit- leg," he went on, Is so constructed tle, but the other persisted, and after that when the leg Is bent at the knee much gasping and weeping the fiery the - claws have to contract cant doM wm swallowed. The roommate open till the leg Is straightened out had taken to the sofa several nights again. before that. He sought the couch Thus a chicken gets on Its perch, again that evening and the bookkeep- bends Its knees to be comfortable, er, being left In sole possession of and with that bending locket itself, as the bed, slept peacefully the whole with a key, to the wood. It can't fall night through, undisturbed by a sin- off. gle snore. The next morning he Mt Put a thicken on your finger and up and looked at the silent form on then make It sit down. Its daws will the couch. clamp your finger tight and be unable Hello, old man," he said, that to let go till the bird stands up again. stuff worked like a top, didn't it? Nature very kindly has so conNary a snore, eh? structed roosting birds that the act There wm no answer from the mo- of settling down clamps them to their tionless figure. perch." Say, he went on, are you still asleep?" Boy Follows Relatives in Death. The figure sat up then. Its face Arnold Van Yen, 18 years old, upon was Unshed, its eyes bloodshot, Its whom rested the responsibility of carhair rumpled. ing for six brothers and sisters, killed It bellowed. Asleep? Asleep? himself with a revolver yesterday afA worrcman would have to use a Dont speak to me. I hate you. Im ternoon at his home, Carondelet He shovel, this size to compete successburning up. If Mount Pelee were in and his sister recently had a quarrel fully with machinery. my stomach I couldnt be any hotter jver a trifling personal expense the than I am now. No, I am not asleep boy had incurred. Gruesome Snap Shot haven't been asleep all night I He makes the ninth member of the A newspaper photographer of, Philanever expect to sleep' again. No won family to commit suicide. His father a delphia has photograph that it prob- der I didn't snore. New York Press. killed himself while In Denver, his ably the only one of Its kind In the grandmother also killed herself, as world. Wine Cups. did six of his aunts and uncles. His This nan was one day at League mother died a few months ago from an Island uivy yard making with a of morphine. St Louis overdose, s of of camera a snap-shothand body t. marines at drllL High above him, on a trestle, a painter was painting Wine cups in ancient days were Cerebellum. stark. made of precious metals. One form As the photographer worked away was like a broad and shallow bowl, he heard a horrid scream and looked with a handle at the side. up to see the painter falling headforemost through the air. Mosquitoes Thick in Alaska. The mosquito is most common Involuntarily he leveled hla camera at the spot where the poor painter within and about the Arctic circle. On would fall and as the crash came coasting trips to the North cape vessnapped the shutter. sels are sometimes invaded by mad The result was a perfect 4x10 inch dening swarm at every atopplng A fiat section of tho cerebellum, or photograph of the painter striking place. In Alaska they are Hid to the earth head first from a fall of form clouds so dense that it la im- little brain, which presides over the nearly a hundred feet possible for sportsmen to aim at ob- coordination of voluntary movements, jects beyond, while native dogs are .ooks like this. RsMnted Innovation. sometimes killed by them. In Japan much of the business conMill Has Been Kept Busy. nected with the stage la hereditary, Not every community can boast of Harry Allen of Reading, Vt, found a Recently a manager, wishing to be bobcat In his henyard the other day, an Industry, like that of White Brae., very realistic, brought the drop scenes While he wm In the house after a gun of East Jaffrey, N. H. For twenty-righ- t tor his thMter from Europe. The the animal made its escape. Allen years it has run continuously Hasegawl family, which has painted took the trail with a dog. The trail of and never has shut down for bard the scenery for Japanese theaters for the original animal was lost, but an times. In all these years the mill eleven generations, grew furious at other was taken up and Allen returned 'll! been Idle but eight days, and then this Interference with their or rrsalrn. from the hn- -t with a boheaf. fresh-plucke- Youve seen George Trumped ths Trick. George, if I agreed to marry you you'd be kind to my dog, wouldnt you?" He But you know how insanely jealous I am!" Dear George. I'll send the She dog to mamma's. Trsss NIQHT OP QUIET IN BOARDINGHOUSE BEDCHAMBER. One of the Rarest of .American Dragoon Pistols, mounted throughout and carries an ounce round ball. It weighs nearly five pounds and was almost ax formidable as a bludgeon as a firearm. The original hickory ramrod Is In Within the Reach of All. Mrs. Bugglns The Mugginses are place. On the Inside of the Is talking about going to Europe. I wish the name S. Dale," wholockplate was probwe could. ably the maker of the lock. Both Mr. Bugglns Well, we can. lock and barrel are dated and the forMrs. Bugglns How yon talk; you mer bears the United States stamp know we cant. afford to go abroad. under a spread eagle. Mr. Bugglns But you said the Mug-- I The marks on the left of the glnaes were talking about it; theres breech proof V and a P (Viewed are a nothing cheaper than talk. and Proved) with an eagle head between the letters. The Other Bide. The S. North horse pistols, which Backed by public opinion, they went are highly valued by collectors, were with proud confidence. in the Springfield, armory the made The Park mansions pleased them. same year. North bad moved down But do you, they Mid to the land- from Middletown to enter upon a conlord, "object to children? tract with the government His pisDear, no," the man replied. There tols have his name on the lockplate. house." are already sixty seven' in the This Is not a North pistol, but is And yet, strangely enough, they said to be much rarer. It Is much looked elsewhere. larger than the North type and has no brass about It. New York Sun. Marks of Esteem. I thought Rlchley Skinner wu Wonderful Engraving. quite a popular citizen of your town." : A novel experiment for the purpose Who told you that? of the strength of high extesting Well, I wm told be had won many Is the placing of marks of esteem from hla fellow plosives leaves between two plates of cltlxens," and exploding dynamite steel, panel Yes, dollar-markscartridges on the upper plate. The recoil in such cases is so groat and A Surface View. sudden that the upper plate Is driven A funny thing happened at the dedownward with such force and rapidman A partment office the other day. as to catch exact impressions of who wished to put an application for ity a position on file sent hla. photograph the leaves to.before theirtodelicate ribs the force of have time give way along with his application." the blow. This novel method of enat to wished he be taken Possibly graving Is one of the wonders of the his face value. century. Tit-BitAlso a Reformer. Man vs. Machinery. Deyre sendln a lot o grafters to Mike. remarked Meandering jail, Im glad of It," answered Plodding Pete. If dls high-clas- s patronage keeps cornin' In maybe de wardens will wake up an' Improve de Of Course. Peckham F,ND F0REST 0F BUR,ED LITTLE - M flOT A SINGLE SNORE Mourning Cigarettes. Percy de Fishier created a sensa- tlon at the Ultra club tbe other night when he drew forth a cigarette with a tiny black band printed on the flat-hunti- The animals for miles Were all assembled there. Old Rhino took Miss Tiger And the fox-thdancing bear. The ball progressed quite lively, but The guests ran for the trees When big fat Mr. Hippo Caused an earthquake with a sneexe. 1818. Among the rare weapons to be shown Is a lever crossbow gun of the fifteenth Another Is a century. Sharp's carbine with a coffee mill in tbe stock, a third la a flintlock horse pistol made In Springfield In ISIS by the government. It is Mid that only three pistols of this type are In existence. The Issue was 600 pistols in a time of peace. They were used In fighting Indians on the frontier and In the first Seminole war. This pistol Is 18 Inches long, Is Iron paper close to the mouthpiece. My uncle died yesterday," he I had those cigarettes spe- plained. dally made with a mourning band. . He was the object of envy all the evening. New York Press. . IN things. Why the Burglar Had a Pit John," whispered hla wife, shaking him, I hear somebody in the THE ANIMAL MASQUERADE. USED One of a Let Made for Uncla Sam's ' Troopers Only Three Left . An Interesting exhibition of weapons may be seen In the Free Library at Newark. It consists chiefly of military weapons from the collection of James E. Coombes, who Is an enthusiastic amateur collector of such SHOQflS Instruments of Torturo. A Threat "Well, Mid ths bridegroom-to-be- , "Sir, Mid the visitor, m he presuppoM pooll be sorry, Willie, tested his manuscript 1 am only a when the time cornea for poor listeria young author, but" wedding. Sir, Interrupted the ' "Not much! replied the small bro- editor, poull be a 'struggling young ther. "It will gimme an excuse to author If you dont get out of your chock paa slippers swap." own volition Immediately. PISTOL |
