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Show THE SAN JUAN RECORD Wednesday, March 6, 2002 Page 10 Isnt it time we started a family? I am eavesdropping on a young married couple during church when the young woman asks her newly ac-- q rcd husband, u i Dont you think it is time we start a family? She crinkles her nose. My first though was, Here? Now?" Hut I get a hold of myself and then a sudden nostalgia hits me and I remember back many years ago when my too kind and loving wife asked me that question. Dont you think it is time we start a family? This isnt like the Would you like fries with that? question, it is more like the Did Adam have a belly button? question. This is an important question! My too kind and loving wife asks questions like this all the time. In fact, my wife asks too many questions. Dont you think the grass needs mowed? Would you like to help with Can we just the dishes? cuddle? Do women read these questions in Cosmo or hear them on Oprah? "No, the grass doesnt need mowed. No, I don't want to help with the dishes. What does she think I am going to say? You know I would really love it if we could just cuddle tonight. I am so tired. For heck sakes, I could have just run a 26 mile marathon and had inqjor surgery and the answer to that question is still No, I dont want to just cuddle. So when she asked Dont you think it is time to start a family? I felt like I was pretty consequences. Up to that point in my life my idea was if the macaof long-terroni I had left out on the stove for a week was still edible. Besides, asking me if I want to start a family while dressed in a teddy is like Mrs. Praying Mantis asking Mr. Praying Mantis, Dont you think it is time to start a family? Of course, he knows what is going to happen. Mrs. Praying Mantis is going to eat Mr. long-ter- m m Praying Mantis for dinner with a salad and chilled red safe, mostly because I was wine. And then, pretty soon young and stupid like the guy there are going to be Baby sitting on the pew in front of Praying Mantises and before me. I mean, who really thinks you know it they turn into of starting a family. Teenage Praying Mantises. But Mr. Praying Mantis Geesh, of all the things I can't help himself, have started, starting a family certainly sounded like the he doesnt have any least threatening or difficult. brain cells cither I mean, up to that point in time and so he answers, Sure. Great idea. I had started all kinds of Lets start a family. things I never finished. So when my too I started homework, I started a new diet, I started kind and loving wife writing in my journal, I started asked me 19 years voting, I even started saving ago, Dont you think it is time to money one time. I never finished any of them so why start a family? of w'orry about such a little thing course I said, Sure. Great idea. Lets as starting a family. I Besides, what am supposed start a family." Pato say when she says, Dont thetic creature that you think it is time to start a I am. How was I to family? and she is wearing a know there is fine print in the cute little teddy or crinkles her contract? How was I to know that I nose at me. I was 21 years old and had no rational brain cells would never be the same? in my entire body. What I How was I to know that I mean by rational brain cells would have babies that turned are brain cells that think of into teenagers? Oh sure, for have never burned Heat'rs Brand Wood Pellets, San Juan Building Supply will give you a bag of pellets If you the first 10 years, my wife just send a late birthday card knew all about the children. She knew about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams... I was vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. And besides, if my too kind and loving wife had asked me Dont you think it is time to have teenagers in the house? red flags would have shot up all over the place. After all, I had heard all about teenagers. In fact, I was a teenager. Teenagers are like teething 160 with zits pound and raging hormones that can drive. Of course, if she would have asked, Dont you think it is time to start having teenagers in our house? I would have declined the temptation of starting a family. But she said starting a family like we were going to play Monopoly or two-year-ol- ds Yahtzee. So now I have a houseful of teenagers and their friends. And listen here, I dont mean friends the way you and I mean friends. Our friends are people that we get together with once a year because we are too busy following our teenagers around. No sir, teenage friends dont like you or I might do. Teenagers have friends that think it nothing at all to all call at 11 p.m. Uummm. Hi, is this Katie? There is a long pause on my part since I have been asleep for three hours. Eventually, through the drool I am able to answer, No, Mr. Brain Surgeon, this is her father. Did I mention sleeping father. Does this sound like Katie? Uuuggghhh... uummm... is Katie there? Well, now, lets see, I could strangle the guy through the phone, but that would hardly do for the amount ofstress he has caused by waking me up. I respond, No, she is not here. How bout I just have her call you? Dude... alrighhhtt. Thanks. Sorry if I woke you, dude. I leave a message on the board, Katie, call Mr. Brain Surgeon at 5 a.m. in the morning. Very Important!!! So there is the poor guy sitting in the pew in front of me trying to answer the question his lovely bride had just propositioned him with, Dont you think it is time we start a family? He looks a little confused and answers, Here, now? I want to slap him upside the head and scream, No, not here and now. Its a trick. Go back. Dont do it. They become teenagers. 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