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Show Page pinion & 5? ditorials 8 February 17, 1999 Editor: Raelynne Loudon loudoninfowest.com Mayonnaise- the Essence of Pure Evil - vs I Commentary I By Jennifer Peltz jennpeltzhotmail.com I I'll just come out and say it: I am afraid of This deathly mayonnaise. mayophobia goes all the way back to my childhood, although I'm not exactly sure how it started. I think I was so traumatized that I unconsciously blocked it out of my memory. I remember when I first discovered mayonnaise was one of the main ingredients in ranch dressing, I went into convulsions and immediately began to drown my salads in italian dressing. Some may think that my fear of the dreaded white slime is a bit ridiculous. I tell those people that liking mayo is a genetic defect. Editor-in-Chi- Billy Ray Vosburg III ef billyrayd91hotmail.com Managing Editor Raelynne Loudon News Editor Jennifer Peltz N&S Editor Michael Sherwood Editor Brooks Shelton A&E Editor Jennie Squire Sports Editors Courtney Gressmen & Loni K. Johnston Jared Newbold Derrick Albiston Jane Clark Paul Graves Ashleigh Millgate Laura Smith Chelsea Van Noy Mekette Behling Katie Hostman Carisa Huntington Loren Webb "Mayonnaise was invented by the French to cover up the flavor of spoiled flesh, stale vegetables, and rotten fish. Beware the sauce! Where food comes beslobbered with an elegant slime you may well suspect the integrity of the basic ingredients," said Ed Abbey in "The Fool's Progress." I have made it my personal campaign to eradicate mayonnaise jars from every cupboard and refrigerator in the country nay- the world. Mayonnaise is the essence of pure evil. The insidious spread of mayo is the biggest threat our species has ever faced, or will ever face, besides Bill Clinton. But Clinton is only a threat to women. Mayonnaise knows no gender boundaries. It is the destructive white that corrodes liquid inside our minds, and more importantly, inside our sandwiches. Don't become a slave to it, for it is a ruthless master that knows no mercy. Plus it doesn't taste good. Mayonnaise has many disturbing characteristics. The chief among them are its presence on every sandwich ever g delivered, and its destructive which quality, prevents any poor n 's system from -- mind-alterin- food-handler- ear-brai- hearing the simple phrase, "hold the mayo." Occasionally, some sadistic chef will forget my instructions, so I send the stuff back immediately. Basically, it has two uses: tuna fish and potato salad. But I can better both of these things without the use mayonnaise. Hence, via Occam's razor, it is has no basis in reality. the Perhaps worst death would be drowning i n Mayonnaise is practically 100 percent fat, unless you count the lpercent of bac- teria that start forming as soon as you scrape it out of the jar and leave it on anything for more than a moment at room temperature! Why not just reach down your throat, pull your aorta out and coat it with whale blubber? I hate mayonnaise more than any other food, with the possible exception of liver, brains and those tiny squids they force you to watch being immolated in boiling oil at the table. If anyone offers me mayo, I explain this to them (sometimes before strangling them for effect) or force them to drink an entire jar of naise. I can't believe anyone actual- ly eats it, but then again, few people seem to read the ingredients of what they eat. The BtoB UVPS mayo. Imagine your lungs filling up with mayo and choking on it until you finally loose your grip on reality and slide into a The sheer thought terrifies mayo-comme. a. I know I am not alone. There are others like me out there. One day, I can only hope we will be able to order a BLT without the white slime. Then, justice will truly have been served. Join fellow mayo-halefrom around the world at iowio.nomayo.com. rs th webbcc.dixie.edu The Dixie during Fall tion of Dixie Sim is distributed each Wednesday and Spring semesters as a publicaCollege, its Division of Arts, Letters and Sciences, and Dixie College Student Activities. The unsigned editorial on the Opinion Page represents the position of The Dixie Sun, as determined by its editorial board. Otherwise, the views and opinions expressed in The Dixie Sun are those of individual wnters and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Dixie Sun or any entity of the college. Letters to the Editors must be typed and must include the name and telephone number of the author. Only the name will be printed. Names are not withheld under any circumstances. The Dixie Sun reserves the right to edit letters for length and taste. Letters must be submitted by noon on Friday for the Wednesday paper. The Dixie Sun Dixie College Jennings Tech. Bldg. Rm. 109 225 So. 700 E. SL George. UT 84790 435552-781- 8 fax: 435656-401- http8urvVdixie;edu Faculty Members Speak Out in Advertisement Response to Pro-Lif- e ing issues without taking sides? I was distressed when I opened this week's issue (21099) and found a cumbersome and militant pro-lif- e insert. I am not rhetoric writing to express my opinions on because, at this point, it is an unwinnable argument for both sides. However, I do take issue with the fact that the Sun chose to distribute this insert. I realize that in the journalism world it is often difficult to land lucrative advertisement contracts, and I appreciate the difficult job of ad agents at the Sun. However, by choosing to distribute this insert, you have (unwillingly?) taken a stand on this issue. It is irresponsible to distribute this controversial information without representing the other sides of the issue, regardless of whether or not it is a paid advertisement. Readers of the Dixie Sun- - please continue to be responsible and intelligent readers. The printed word is a precarious thing. The same information can be bent and twisted to serve any person's or group's agenda. This week's insert is a prime example. The arguments in this insert is a prime example. The arguments and rely primarin this insert are not particularly ily on scare tactics. Notice that much of the "research" is not properly cited. After thoughtfully reading this information, I surfed the Web. I found equally compelling arguments and scientifically cited statements that negated some of the Pro-Liinformation I had just read. What's my point? READER, BE 12-pa- Dear Editor: I feel the Human Life Alliance advertising supplement in The Dixie Sun was inappropriate and offensive. This supplement is obviously biased and sponsored by an If supplements like thi aggressive organization that are to be included, both sides of the issue should be fairly represented. But I also question if this is even the appropriate forum. anti-choic- e. Pamela Montrallo Pro-Choi- Dear Editor: What is the mission of the Dixie Sun? Is it to stir up controversy? Does it include promoting tolerance and acceptance of differing points of view? Does it address the importance of present fe AWARE! Janet Walker |
