Show The Simple Truth— 0 Why It's Better Now Igt 4 Lovemaking in your 50s: These can be great years for sex especially for women ---0'' VV HthO S great se is the pmvince of the young? As a clinical psychologist and a professor specializing in human sexuality I've spent years studying the data on relations between the sexes But I've learned even more about what really goes on between men and women from listening to my patients Great sex is not defired by fantasies that come from nowhere to distract you nor by instant physical arousal nor by sudden spasms There's mother gentler side to sex which is more sensual and therefore more satisfying—and thanks to the infinite wirdom of Mother Nature and Father Time it gets better as we mature The facts of life The "basics" do not change as we grow older of course but certain facts about sexuality are largely unreported For example a man does not need an erection to reach orgasm Older women do not lose their capacity for multiple orgasms A woman's sex drive can increase after menopause (possibly she's more relaxed less afraid of an unwanted pregnancy) Less than 1 of men have heart attacks during sex—even fewer when the partner is their wife! Sex not only improves over time it also is better for us: Sex can give us a cardiovascular workout comparable to light jogging and it can increase our cortisol level enough to ease the pain of arthritis and help allergies Sex also stimulates neurotransmitters that act as natural antidepressants analgesics and stimulants helps prevent migraines makes us less vulnerable to stress renews intimacy expresses love—and is neither fattening nor expensive So if you're in the over-3-0 crowd here's what you need to know and how to use it Take heart and take part because the best is yet to come Our 30s Twhhenis theis real sexual revolution or evolution can begin Male hormone levels begin to drop off just enough to free men from the distraction of constant sexual fantasies and a preoccupation with orgasms Women on the other hand are just reaching their full sexuality Thirty is when many women have their first orgasm and when many men need women finds the symptoms of menopause an inconvenience not a tragedy! Men's erections are less spontaneous their ejaculations less explosive The good news is that foreplay gets more play and more women get to have multiple orgasms The bad news is that men start worrying about the very changes in their sexual functioning that are so good for their partners! This is also the age when many men worry about having a heart attack—or are recuperating from one If this sounds like you get a doctor's note and return to lovemaking (If you can climb one flight of stairs your physician will probably say that you can have sex safely) If it's your man who's worried you may have to make the first move Create a relaxed atmosphere and remember It does count even if you have to ask t- z - - -- 0 N ' 1 s I ' N V It Is A ” ' t 1 N of el C g t1- 4 '- 01' i'-- ' f - Our 60a i L 1 about half an hour between their first and second ejaculation Therefore it's also the decade when sex slows down enough for true lovemaking to begin How do they differ? Sex is driven by the heat of passion whereas lovemaking creates the heat Lovemaking does not rush toward orgasm it reluctantly ends with orgasm In our 30s we learn that the great enemy of lovemaking is not the passage of time but the lack of it Our 40s "Sexu- ality be- - comes more 'feminine' in our40s" says June Reinisch PhD director of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University "There's more emphasis on foreplay and less on intercourse" Like women men now need touching and time to become physically aroused—a glimpse or a glance doesn't do it anymore Now it's time for direct hands-o- n stimulation— and women love feeling "sexually necessaiy" as well as sexy Men become less genitally focused and more diffusely amused all over their bodies Now is the time for couples to practice indulging each other in stroking and stimulation from head to toe The skin is the body's largest sense organ with nerve receptors BY DR for light touch massage tickles tingles and temperature changes Relish it When intercourse does begin erections last minutes instead of seconds so many women find that they become more aroused and stay aroused longer Men who ejaculated prematurely in their 20s and 30s can now thrust longer so many women delight in their first orgasm during intercourse If mutual timing is your goal this is the time to try it More good news: Since the refractory period (the postejaculation phase when another erection is physiologically unlikely) may now be hours instead of minutes couples can talk cuddle and give pleasure after sex without the pressure of a repeat performance Our bUs Many women now find their sexuality shifting into high gear As estrogen levels drop they may feel more of the sex drive created by their androgens In fact at 50 a woman's sex drive or libido is often stronger than a man's But what about menopausal melancholia? Midlife crises? Empty-nesyndromes? Not so says my survey of more than 2600 women for The Female Stress Syndrome This generation of st Erectile fullness may decrease vaginal lubrication may decrease frequency may decrease—but 76 older couples who volunteered fora study of normal sexual aging said that sexual satisfaction does not decrease "Sexual satisfaction and marital happiness are not directly related to how rigid the penis is" says Dr Raul C Schiavi director the Human Sexuality Program at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City Dr Schiavi found that couples in their 60s who complained of sexual dysfunction or dissatisfaction had the same changes in their sexual capacity as couples who said they Were sexually satisfied and gratified The trick to staying sexual at 60 has more to do with the mind than the body Couples who want to continue making love can choose to see the effects of medications illness or surgery as changes—not losses—and then adapt Try to see a man's increased need for psychological and physical stimulation as romantic and inviting Look at his increased refractory period (it may now last hours to days) as a chance for the kind of cuddling without intercourse that makes two people feel loved for themselves Take advantage of morning erections (triggered by sleep cycles not full bladders) And remember that a man does not need an erection to have an orgasm—and a woman doesn't need his erection to have an orgasm either GEORGIA WI PAGE 14 APRIL TKIN 26 1992 PARADE MAGA - - |