Show 0 0 TrzrI 7 : - i: 11 t - ' i N i 1 12 '4 4414 b '''' T " ' t k EpLcTTE': Envoi ite YOUR FIRST PLACE SETTING BELOW COST! 5-PIE- CE i i i 1 i 4 in E Ross Joe E Ross played nothing but obscure burlesque houses and nightclubs for 25 years before the late Nat Hiken producer of Sgt Bilko signed him for the part of Sgt Ritzik on the Phil Silvers TV show As a member of Sgt y Bilko's platoon of military misfits Ross soon became a comedy favorite of TV watchers throughout the country d His popularity led to a TV show of his own Car 54 Where Are You? which enjoyed high ratings for three years Since the cancellation of that program Ross has been making TV guest appearances and performing in nightclubs Herewith some of the jokes he told recently at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas: slap-happ- never forget my first job It was a place in New jersey called "Chez I don't want to Paree" That's French for Shapiro say it was a rough place but every 30 minutes there would be an intermission so they could carry out the wounded irlinElno ' ' 1 701 I I I 0 41(1 spent so many years playing a policeman on Car 54 that I started to believe my part Every time I'd pass a fruit stand I'd grab an apple a pear a banana One time I flipped altogether and stopped a car for speeding I few years ago I got married for the seccnd time can't tell you too much about my first wife Our divorce came up so quickly our lawyers were fighting over custody of the wedding cake A I kept nagging me to lose weight so decided to consult a dietitian on a diet of one egg a day "Are you crazy?" demanded "Do you think I'm going to wait all day for one egg? can't do it I'll get nervous I'll get restless won't get any rest" of fa1 it b tt S' - I a lot" made the mistake of neglecting to read the clauses i1 small type Now I've discovered that to be eligible for compensation I have to be run down by a herd of wild buffalo in Times Square Then I collect $3 a week If I lose an arm the insurance company helps me look for it And they really take marvelous care of my wife They pay all her maternity costs—after the age of 87 I recently took a friend's advice and bought annuities But I chouidn't be seen taking out the garbage When I asked her how she expected to get the garbage out of the house she came up with a terrific scheme Every two days she wraps our garbage in gift paper I take it down to the post office and mail it off to the DepartMy wife feels that just because I appear on TV I ment of Sanitation I My wife's bouffant hairdo is getting more and more ridiculous When married her she was four feet eight now she's six two The other day she came home with a hair style that was so high the hairdresser was still inside working on it friend of mine was drunk every night for 15 years One 3 am he staggered through the front door and was met by his enraged wife Taking him by the arm she literally dragged him to a nearby distillery Pushing him inside she pointed to the workers busily bottling and casing the liquor "See that George?" she shouted "See how hard they're working? You can't A keep up with them" "Maybe not" her husband slurred "But I sure got 'em working nights" 7 4 ) iNt:' 11 1 1 L - ‘ e 'c i I rest" he told me "because you'll be fainting e "Fc"lott-to::sg- ' I "You'll get plenty of $ 0 d I wow ?b'oto litvo 0 - 1r I hard-boile- l'i' ih I il A I I 1 ' new-foun- I'll (only one sample offer per customer!) mlio— EDITOR'S NOTE: My wife He put me Golden Ware people! 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